Serenity Now

5 Jul


First, I’m more than overwhelmed at all of your support with this. As someone who doesn’t feel much of a need for people IRL, it surprised me to log on briefly last night at the hospital and see so much love and support.

Thank you. When I have more time, I’ll write a real post. Right now, I’m on a 2 hour pass to get some clothing and pit stick(not to mention shower and brush my teeth. Not a fan of communal bathrooms)

I’m….better. Not perfect, not quite well. But ages away from where I was on Tuesday. I’m still having my moments-but most of those are triggered by the other people in the ward (I mean really, is it necessary to slather yourself in the SMELLIEST creme you can find?) or by the inefficiencies on the ward. (Cause when you’re sick, you’re gonna remember to ask when meals are brought out)

I spend most of my time in my cell like room, reading, crocheting, doing puzzles. The nurses keep trying to convince me to hang out in the common area, but really, the last thing I need right now is the irritant of strangers, especially crazy one.

It’s the total stereotype of a psych ward, right down to the guy who thinks he talks to god (and stares at my chest). Most of these people NEVER.SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP. Which drives me nuts. Nothing like a 20 minute onrunning monologue about how someone is the amateur champion of judo to make you want to poke your eardrums out.

So I’ve retained my sense of humour and general irritation with the human race at the very least.

I’m writing stuff down in my room so I can actually post about the experience when I return, whenever that is. I hate interrupting lives as I have, mine, Mogo’s, my bosses. But for once, I realize I need to do this or I really won’t survive.

So thank you-all of you, even those of you who are a HUGE pain in the ass. (You know who you are *coughJenCough*) Much appreciated.

P.S. Ativan RULES.

34 Responses to “Serenity Now”

  1. Bon July 5, 2007 at 9:35 am #

    Ativan does indeed rule. i am a fan.

    you sound good, Thor. you sound a little hopeful, and chill.

    we’re here. be well. thinking of you.

  2. missy July 5, 2007 at 9:40 am #

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m so glad you are in a hospital and NOT locked in a bathroom bleeding.

    Seriously, crazy compadres aside, you’re in the right place. The very difficulty of doing this is proof of how much your family and the world needs you. Your character is full of the stuff saints are made of. You overcome.

    Thinking of you.

  3. tulip July 5, 2007 at 9:58 am #

    Good to hear your “voice”. I’m REALLY glad you are getting through it. Thank god for “irritating” Jen’s!! 😉

    We’re keeping you and Mogo and the girls in our thoughts and please let us know if there is anything we can do for you. Besides come over here and commiserate and love on you, I mean.

  4. cherylann July 5, 2007 at 11:38 am #

    *sigh* memories… seriously, like why do they need to have such crazy people in a hospital??? hahaha. Glad to see that you are surviving… or better than surviving. *hugs*

  5. bine July 5, 2007 at 12:30 pm #

    glad you sound a little calmed and haven’t entirely lost your humor.
    hospitals always suck. i don’t know why even relatively sane people always have to blurt out their medical history to anyone who can’t get away fast enough.
    and isn’t it great that you are worrying about interrupting other people’s life. i’m glad you’re thinking of yourself. i’m glad you made a decision that may have saved your life.
    try to relax some more. and if people try to talk your ears off, tell them about any new sex toys you got. that’ll get rid of them.

    hugs to you!

  6. Betsy July 5, 2007 at 1:48 pm #

    You can screw up lives a little bit in the short term, or you can decimate everybody by dying. You’ve made the right choice, and I am proud of you for asking for help. That’s really brave. What an amazing example you are setting for your daughters.

  7. Jhianna July 5, 2007 at 2:00 pm #

    So very glad to read you, and I second the sex toy subject to get rid of the truly annoying conversations. Or the whole reading/puzzles alone thing – alone time is underrated really.

    Dude, I have no idea what you’re going through, but I’m another one of those folks rooting/thinking/sending positive energy/praying for you (take your favorite flavor there).

  8. LGirl July 5, 2007 at 2:21 pm #

    Yea You! Glad to hear your voice! Hugs. (And I am not a hugger so this ones means something.

  9. Eden July 5, 2007 at 2:25 pm #

    Did you really check in just for the blogfodder? 😉

    Remember: if they won’t shut up, just start talking about diarrhea. Tell them about the time someone at work stole your lunch and about how you left a note saying that you hoped whoever did it didn’t get the EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA you had. They don’t know it’s only half true.

    Nothing shuts people up or gets them the fuck away from you like dropping the word “diarrhea.” Just another helpful tip from your pal Eden. Oh and if you add the sex toy element to it somehow, I guarantee you’ll have plenty of peace & quiet.

    Glad to hear you’re feeling better 🙂 Sending you strength…

  10. MamaM July 5, 2007 at 2:26 pm #

    I’m so glad you’re doing better. Enjoy the quiet. And the Ativan.

  11. allyo July 5, 2007 at 2:52 pm #

    Hi! Good to hear from you. Rest. Heal. Buy earplugs if you must. 🙂

  12. liprap July 5, 2007 at 5:41 pm #

    Oh, honey. Feel better. Take this time. It will only help you in the long run. Keep that sense of humor, even if it might be a tad dark at times. 8-).

    Sending you some “r’fuah shleimah” from down south…

  13. karriew July 5, 2007 at 6:08 pm #

    So glad that you’re ok and your snarky self is still intact.

    LOL@ adding the sex toy element. She might attract company that way too, Eden.

    Yell if you need anything.

  14. Nat July 5, 2007 at 6:40 pm #

    Been worried sick about you girl. Ever since I saw the last post, I didn’t know if I should call or visit or just let you get better. 😦

    Call me if you need to chat, or if you want me to sneak in some pizza…

    Sending loads of luv ur way. I’m sure Rita sends some too, but she’s usually too busy pooping. 😉

  15. jkdufair July 5, 2007 at 7:58 pm #

    Thor – I’m really glad you’re ok. I’m so out of the loop, it’s pitiful. Missy had to hit me over the head with an email (which scared the fuck out of me with the Gmail excerpt line saying “Thordora decided to commit…” (herself being the next word, thank God).

    I really really hope you are getting the right care and treatment. There has to be a way out of this. You deserve it and so do Mogo and the girls. You are a fine woman and you got 4 of us rooting for you from here in Indiana.

    I love you. We love you.

  16. mercurial scribe July 5, 2007 at 8:29 pm #

    I concur: Ativan kicks ass.

    I remember my stint in the psych-pokey. One guy kept pacing and screaming about how IT WAS THE MEXICANS! They brainwashed the President and he was going to stop it… and stopped to stare at the Jewish Mexican girl (me) while screaming at me. So I avoided the truly crazy in the “common area” and stayed quietly in a room. There I could find a little quiet, a little peace, dare I say a little bit of rest.

    Ah, the memories. :-/

    I’m glad to know you’re doing well… you had me worried there, Thor. I’ve been praying and thinking about you a lot. And you know what? A hospital visit is indeed a pain in the ass for all involved, but if it helps you get on your feet (so to speak) and bring you back to your family and friends, it’s worth every ounce of annoyance and inconvenience, okay? You just sit tight, breathe deep and get better.

    Love and prayers from Sunny SoCal,

  17. CharmingDriver July 5, 2007 at 9:15 pm #

    Ativan rocks my socks and rules my school, for real. I have no idea how I would have made it through the last weeks with Jackson in NICU or his death without it.

    Hang in there love, you’re worth it.

  18. misspudding July 5, 2007 at 9:23 pm #

    Oh, yay! So good to hear your voice!!!

    Get well, soon. I know that sounds so cliche but hey, I really mean it!

  19. Jennifer July 5, 2007 at 11:37 pm #

    Pain in the ass speaking….just call me PI

    I guess that little flaw in myself came in handy eh?

    I’m glad that they let you out for a bit. Just remember that it could be worse, you could be the one yelling at jebus and staring at boobies.

    I love Edens suggestion for stopping people from talking to you. Just don’t do that with a nurse , they’ll give you medication. Roadkill is also a good conversation stopper.


  20. Jennifer July 5, 2007 at 11:37 pm #

    Pain in the ass speaking….just call me PITA for short.

    I guess that little flaw in myself came in handy eh?

    I’m glad that they let you out for a bit. Just remember that it could be worse, you could be the one yelling at jebus and staring at boobies.

    I love Edens suggestion for stopping people from talking to you. Just don’t do that with a nurse , they’ll give you medication. Roadkill is also a good conversation stopper.


  21. jen July 5, 2007 at 11:59 pm #

    ah, yes. you’ve been on my mind today, so glad to hear from you…and yes, ativan, a friend to many of us from time to time.

  22. Lady M July 6, 2007 at 3:04 am #

    Visiting from Bon’s – hope that you continue to feel better.

  23. weedragon July 6, 2007 at 3:38 am #

    I’m glad you’re doing ok and are getting the help you need, although, those crazy people (i.e. the prophetic boob stalker) sound kind of annoying, if rather entertaining for us 🙂

    also, yay at the ativan. never took it, but glad it helps you.

  24. Bec July 6, 2007 at 6:22 am #

    I have no idea what you’re going through, but I’m glad you’re getting help and that you (amazingly!) stopped in to blog it along the way.

    take care, girl.

  25. Jen July 6, 2007 at 8:59 am #

    Glad you’ve gotten a brief reprieve (and non-communal shower) and that the ole sense of humor is still intact.

    Take care of yourself, ok? Much love from internetland.

  26. hello insomnia July 6, 2007 at 9:34 am #

    Hang in there.

  27. Mom on Coffee July 6, 2007 at 10:38 am #

    I’ve spent a week on the Psych Ward, myself. It was actually just a little more than 2 years ago. Strangely though, I found it comforting.

    I’m so weird.

    I hope that your time there will bring you the peace you need. I’ll be thinking of you.

  28. Suburban Mum July 6, 2007 at 10:48 am #

    So glad to see your updates. Looking forward to many, many more.

  29. MammaLoves July 6, 2007 at 11:08 am #

    Good on you for doing what you know is right.

    We’re pulling for you (quietly of course).

  30. Heather (AmeriMama) July 6, 2007 at 1:22 pm #

    Hang in there, Thor. BTDT for PTSD. Hope you’re home and well and everything is under control soon.

  31. charlotteotter July 7, 2007 at 1:28 am #

    I admire your courage in doing what you’ve done, no matter how scary. Thanks for letting us know how you are.

  32. ann adams July 7, 2007 at 5:25 am #

    You wrote four posts since I checked this morning?

    That’s great. I’ve been worried.



  33. Allen July 23, 2007 at 8:15 pm #

    I have a question. Why do people shower in psyche wards when they know they are being monitored while they are showering?

    What causes someone to lose their wariness and shower in front of a camera?

    Is there a process that causes someone to enter the shower stall and be stark naked when they know they are being watched?

  34. thordora July 23, 2007 at 10:16 pm #

    It’s called stinking to high heaven.

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