“I’m adopted I feel confused”

29 Jun

Did you just find out? Was it sprung on you suddenly, and now your world is in question?

I’ve always known I was adopted. I don’t remember being told-it was just a plain fact, like having elbows. But I do remember being told that it made me special-that my mother and my father wanted a daughter badly, and waited for me, picked me. It was never anything I was ashamed of, or upset about. My parents picked me! They wanted me!

But there comes a time when you wonder who you are-where you came from, whose hair you have, who to blame for your big feet. You wonder if the all encompassing loneliness that you always feel, the otherness, has anything to do with the fact that you were separated from your mother so early. You wonder if your mother felt betrayed and sad when pregnant with you, explaining your own sadness through your life. You wonder if you’d be happy if you weren’t adopted.

I’ve always believed that holding back the adoption talk until the kid is “older” is wrong, and mean. By 16, you’ve formed your sense of self-you know who you are, or you think you do. It’s like believing you’re white all your life, and then having someone explain to you that actually, you’re asian. I cannot imagine how incensed I would have been to only be told at 16 or 18.

Being adopted isn’t a bad thing. It’s weird sometimes. It can feel isolating in the context of circumstances tailored to biological children.  And yes, it can be confusing-who am I? Where do I come from? These questions take on a new meaning for the adoptee, because they really don’t know.

What’s even more confusing is finding your birth family. The people who gave you away. The people who look like you, but aren’t you. The people you feel a connection to, and yet don’t. You’re out of step with them, almost the same, but not quite.

It’s confusing to see what could have been yours, where you could have been. The life that was denied. Its confusing when they try and make it up to you, try to bring you in, hold you within the family they couldn’t offer before.

It’s confusing when they reject you because you aren’t what they want you to be. It’s confusing when you feel like you should care, and you really don’t.


122 Responses to ““I’m adopted I feel confused””

  1. Netter June 29, 2007 at 11:16 am #

    Like your new look. But, on topic, I agree that kids should know from the beginning that they are adopted. My dad’s sister adopted two children and her oldest was only four or so when they adopted his sister and he was very involved in the process (as much as a four y-o can be). I remember the parties they had when they brought each kid home. On the other side of it, I have an older half-sister my mom gave up when she was a senior in high school. I found out when I was 17. We all met when I was 21 and we try to maintain a relationship, but it takes more work than with the two sisters I grew up with. I think the strangest thing is trying to figure out what to call mom, especially when I reference her along with my dad.

  2. thordora June 29, 2007 at 11:28 am #

    venessa changed hers, and made me think about doing it. Getting sick of the poopy brown.

  3. Eden June 30, 2007 at 5:27 pm #

    Love the new look!

    Yes, I agree w/ you completely. By not telling a child he/she is adopted, you teach that adoption is something to be ashamed of. Adoption is beautiful. It involves a lot of people wanting to do what’s best for a child and how often do we see that anymore? I knew from the very beginning & so it was never a big deal in that respect.

    I would rather be adopted and wonder where I came from than to look at the crazy in my house and say “aha, there it is.”

    • letty - adopted April 5, 2010 at 6:32 pm #

      haha crazy as it is there is very few positives comments made on adoption you just made my day =) thank you

  4. lindy September 2, 2007 at 10:59 am #

    not me I alawys felt rejected being adopted I never got close to people I thought this was normal for acting this way its not most people can connect with people I think being adopted it is impossiible to connect with people or get close to people adoption is not a good thing for a person to have to live with half the time I cant even express how I feel adoption has messed up my whole life I know for a fact if I hadnt been adopted I would have been a happier more loving person who could connect with people I have no connection skills of any kind people reject me all the time

  5. lindy September 2, 2007 at 11:07 am #

    to me adopted and rejected are the same word with the same meaning when I found my mom I noticed I was a happier person and I was getting alon g better with people but then when my mom rejected me again for the second time I just went down hill I never will be able to connect with people I have had to much rejection in my life and i dont think thats how most people live there lives I live such a unhappy rejection life I dont know what to do its so misserable not being able to get close to people because they reject me because I dont know how to get close to people I dont even feel like a person just some kind of unknown creature

  6. Dragon September 2, 2007 at 1:24 pm #

    Not having been adopted, I can’t say how it must feel to find out that you are.I can’t say that my experience is similar, because for all I know it is vastly different. My father that raised me was not my biological father, and this is something I knew from a young age. My parents wanted to talk to me about it, but I kept saying, “I’m not ready. I don’t want to know now. Tell me when I’m older.” Unfortunately, when I was 12, he sprung all the “gory details” (mainly lies and misinformation) on me as a way to spite my mother (they were going through a particularly terrible divorce, and he was delusional and imagining things thanks to the medication he was taking). When I found all this out I was heartbroken– not because my dad wasn’t really my dad, but because the guy who wanted me and loved me from the time I was only a few months old could be so cruel in telling me. Until that moment, I never felt unwanted. My biological father quite possibly doesn’t even know I exist, and this is not his fault. But the fact that my dad, who I loved and trusted, made it out to be such a terrible thing, was incredibly painful.

    If you are adopted, it means that your parents, the ones that raised you, love you. It means they were ready for you and went out searching for you. Your biological family put you up for adoption because they loved you and wanted you to have the best life possible. Perhaps that is not necessarily the case, perhaps they were unfit and you were taken away. But aren’t you so glad that someone who truly wanted you found you and raised you?


    I write too much.

    • A September 16, 2011 at 11:48 pm #

      I’m going to put this as plainly as possible – you have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.

  7. thordora September 3, 2007 at 1:03 pm #

    Lindy-everyone is different. In my case, staying with my bio family likely would have been a bad thing. Sure, things when to shit in my adoptive family, but no one forecasts cancer, and otherthings.

    My adoption was explained not as being rejected, but as being loved. That my mother loved me enough to do the right thing for me. My parents loved and wanted me for all the right reasons.

    Not being able to get close to people may not have anything to do with being adopted, unless there’s something more you’re not saying. I always felt like an outcast, but my ability to connect has always been greater than most.

  8. Kristy September 26, 2007 at 2:29 pm #

    I am a birthmother who was forced to give my child up – I did everything in my power to keep my son. I was a victom of the system and told I had no choice. My son is now 15 and I have no idea where he is or how he is and that hurts me so so much. People don’t want to belive that this goes on but it does. I only hope he comes to find em

    • Alex August 13, 2009 at 12:47 am #

      Hi there. I’m 17 and I’m adopted. My situation is a little different. I’m from Russia. And my birth mom didn’t give me away out of love or care. I was taken away because
      she had drinking problems. She was
      warned, but didn’t seem to care enough to stop the drinking. She wasn’t thinking about me; or else she would of quite- unless alchol is a serious illness and can’t be stopped.

      My point in replying to you is you mentioned that you are a birthmother who was forced to give up
      apart of yourself- your son. And you hope that he would find you. why are the adopted kids supposed to be the searchers?why am I responsible to find my birth mom?

      Because as an adoptee we are scared of being rejected- we are afraid that we were given up because we were not wanted. So wanting to find the birth mother becomes harder to want to do.

      Is there a reason to why birthmothers usually wait for their kids to find them? And why isn’t it the other way around: birthmothers looking for their kids.. Is it not possible or something?

  9. Apples March 16, 2008 at 7:20 pm #

    rofl your adopted!!

    • letty April 5, 2010 at 10:10 am #


      • link November 13, 2014 at 1:29 pm #

        your a pice of shit

      • link November 13, 2014 at 1:30 pm #

        letty your a pice of shit you get of the forum douch bag

  10. for cast earth March 20, 2008 at 3:28 pm #

    says if some one cant explain why someone would feel rejected being adopted than maybe they well if a person feels rejected being adopted who are you to say they are wrong i was a dopted and never felt like my birthfamily who are you to say how a person is to feel being adopted your wrong for judjing someone who feels they dont fitin feeling adopted

  11. for cast earth March 20, 2008 at 3:31 pm #

    you know what i was adopted and never felt like my birthfamily or my adoptive family i was a lost soul or person on my own

  12. for cast earth March 20, 2008 at 3:36 pm #

    i dont think kids should be told there adopted what does it do but cause confusion you tell a kid there adopted but deny them of knowing anything about there birthfamily it sounds mean to do that it like putting a cookie in somones face and telling them there not allowed to eat it the adoption system is broken and needs to be fixed but it never well be fixed what a shame

    • letty April 5, 2010 at 10:15 am #

      I fully agree as wonderful as it is growing up knowing I am adopted. What I don’t know doesn’t hurt me. If I didn’t know, the comments from ignorant bastards wouldn’t hurt and right now I wouldn’t be sitting here terrified of my 18th birthday encroaching and someone trying to contact me!! and because laws have changed i no longer have any say ! I don’t want contact i want to pretend i was never adopted but the government had made this impossible by taking all my rights away!! my biological mother chose to give me up My REAL parents chose to take me in and finally i Have come of age it should be turn to decide but its not where is my say in this issue!! When this issue is about me !! I fully agree the system in SCREWED

  13. thordora March 20, 2008 at 6:46 pm #

    I’d respond coherently if I could tell what the hell your point is….I honestly can’t decipher what you’re saying….

  14. for cast earth April 13, 2008 at 10:49 pm #

    you know what being adopted sucks it is fucking wrong to have to be adopted im tired of ashole ignorant people telling me how to feel about being adopted you fucking idiots never lived my life your not god quit telling me how im suppose to feel about being adopted i hated being adopted there is no support being adopted quit saying there is support in adoption when there isnt there are no chioces in being adopted because im adopted i have never had in choices in life and i hate living that way i never got to do things that i wanted to do i feel like a ghost i feel i never have lived life because i never had choices or got to do things i wanted to do evryone in my life told me how to act think and feel and everyone made my choices for me like im some kind of fucking robot you ashole adoption agencies and my asshole adoptive aprents and everyone who thinks they should play god on someones self

  15. thordora April 14, 2008 at 7:48 am #

    1. Stop googling then.
    2. I have trouble believing adoption alone is causing all of this. What kind of support do you need? Were you never told until you were older?

    Doesn’t make much sense.

    • link November 13, 2014 at 1:33 pm #

      you shutup you pice of shit I can say what whatever I want to youir not my boss go to hell you pice of shit

    • link November 13, 2014 at 1:33 pm #

      you know what thordoara the douch bag you don’t make sense

  16. nikicream April 24, 2008 at 11:01 pm #

    I found this website while looking for help. I am the adopted mother of an 8 yr. old. Ive had him since birth. He was taken from his mother. I wanted to know when I should tell him. I dont want to be God. I just want him to be happy. Have any advice? Thanx N

  17. thordora April 25, 2008 at 9:15 am #

    Tell him the truth, gently. My parents told me that my biological mother and father loved me, but couldn’t keep me-they were too young, and had their lives ahead of them. It was always emphasized that love had everything to do with the decision. His mother likely loved him, in her way, but was just too lost to make it real.

    Start simple, but stay honest. He’ll smell it otherwise.

    • link November 13, 2014 at 1:35 pm #

      blah blah blah blab blab that’s all you thordora your stupid net wit

  18. ATJ May 1, 2008 at 1:06 am #

    Well im adopted and I am fortunate to have a great family, but there is always something burning in the back of my mind. My sister found her birth mother and she has been nothing but a pain in the ass, but i still want to find mine. Im not telling you how to live your life and my sister gave up one child for adoption and i guess it may be rare but me, my sister, and her child (who has an open adoption which was not available in my or her day) lucked out.

  19. Amber July 5, 2008 at 6:02 am #

    I’m almost 35, and have met my biological mother and siblings for the first time…frankly, it has made me downright SUICIDAL.

    Why? My teenage nother left me with her Aunt and Uncle, being told she was too young to raise me. However, her Aunt and Uncle were both psycho-paths. She had to know this BEFORE she left me with them.

    When the two kids she had after me were getting Christmas dinners and birthday presents, I was getting my hand held down on a stove burner or my head slammed in a car door.

    If I had never known I was adopted I really think I could handle my abusive childhood. Knowing that I was adopted and basically thrown to the wolves has made me feel like I was never worth a damn thing.

    • Glen November 22, 2009 at 7:53 pm #

      Amber-you are worth a LOT. Don’t think you are not. I am 43,and I am going to use Omintrace to find her. She is 60 now. tHE SYSTEM suckS-I KNOW. They seal the records like IF you ever find her,she needs to be protected from you-as if you are a sociopath that would hurt her. Sociopath’s have NO CONCIENCE. Anyway,don’t believe what your typed,ok?

  20. chaos_angel July 22, 2008 at 7:17 pm #

    I’ve known I was adopted my whole life…but today I found out who my biological mother was and that I had siblings. I couldn’t believe my family withheld this information from me when I’ve been asking these questions my entire life! And even worse, it was my grandparents who told me and now I have to keep the fact that I know about it a secret from my parents. I don’t think I’ll be able to do it, but everyone will be furious if I tell them. Ugh. I’ve always wondered, and now I wish I never asked.

  21. Marishanna August 27, 2008 at 3:48 am #

    Hello. I found out i was adopted at age 20. My whole life growing up i always felt out of place.. is it a link that somehow my intuition of feeling out of place had to do something with being seperated from my birthmother? I found out from my birthmother (who contacted me) that i was adopted. My adopted parents love me dearly, but lied to me my whole life. Not only did they lie, but my WHOLE family knew ‘never to say anything’. Anywho, i was searching goodle and whatnot because i was curious if any psycological effects can accumilate from finding out you are adopted at an older age. I also tried getting in contact with my birthfather who says ‘im not his child’. I dont know, at times im furious at my adopted parents, my birthmother, and of course my birthfather (who i know for a fact is my birthfather) The anger comes and goes. I dont know if i have abandonment issues because of it and whatnot… who the fuck knows. Ha, im honestly just happy to be alive and well. But man, when i get in a slump this whole adoption thing likes to sneak in and fuck with my head.

  22. gye September 19, 2008 at 1:01 pm #

    i was adopted and i hated being adopted and i dont like people teeling me that adoption was not the problem that is rude to tell some one how they feel you are not me i hated being adopted i dont know why i hated it i just hated it i dont know why some people love being adopted and other people hate it but everyone has a right to feel how they feel about it

  23. litlleshiningstar October 18, 2008 at 1:57 pm #

    Hey guys, i’m not adopted but my boyfriend is, as is my best friend and my flatmate.they have all known since they can remember. my boyfriend and friend were brought up in loving families and neither are interested in finding there birth parents. They were told that there parents were too young to keep them and that it was very hard for them to give them up. On the other hand my flatmate, while in a loving family, his adoptive mother frequently uses this fact during arguments. She tells him she wishes she had never adopted him, and that no wonder his mother left him. This is disgraceful, n has really affected his relationship with her. his real mother is a drug abuser, and he doesnt have any want to find her.

  24. edina November 7, 2008 at 2:24 pm #

    moj suprug je usvojen. saznao je to tek sad u 35-oj godini. trazi sestru rodjenu u seesenu a tamo je i usvojena kao i on. ona je rodjena 1965-1972. majka im se zvala gigovic jovanka. ako bilo sta znate javite se.

  25. edina November 7, 2008 at 2:27 pm #

    moj suprug je usvojen, saznao je to tek sad u 35-oj godini, trazi sestru rodjenu u seesenu a tamo je i usvojena kao i on, ona je rodjena 1965-1972, majka im se zvala gigovic jovanka. ako bilo sta znate javite se. dina_ameli@net.hr

    • kristina June 21, 2009 at 1:03 pm #

      cao edina!
      poslala sam vam vec jedan mejl, ali cu vam ipak i ovdje ostaviti jednu poruku…
      znam ko je jovanka gigovic i ako zelite sta saznati, javite mi se ( tinaaaaa1@web.de) !

  26. jessica marie November 12, 2008 at 1:48 am #

    i was adopted by my mothers parents/that would be my grandparents.my mom still lives in the same house as us kids and my grandparents and i hate it…shes never been there and she does nothing but lie to try and get CPS [child protective services] to come take us kids so she feels better about trying to get us back,,,and i love my home my parents are wonderfull how do i get her out of my house leaugally so that id never have to talk to her see her or even talk about her..

  27. sammy December 31, 2008 at 3:37 am #

    im 15 ever since i was like 4 i known i was adopted. but now all of the sudden i feel unwanted by both families.. …i never met my real father i met my birth mother a few months ago i was shaking & crying it was weird. the ones i have now really dont get me & seem to always put me down & are always trying to put me away. everyones like they love u. whatever.. but like when i was little to me they was mommy & daddy now i cant help but feel gross in sum way kno what i meen calling them that? i hate it. i feel parentless. i feel like im in a strangers house. i feel disucsting & unwanted by everyone

  28. Mindy January 26, 2009 at 4:13 am #

    I have always known that I was adopted. I met my biological parents about 3 years ago. They are both still together and had 2 boys. I remember seeing pictures of them when I was young. They looked like a happy family without me. That always hurt me the most… Made me think that they did not want a girl so they gave me up for 2 boys, and now they are happy. But really they were about 17 when they were prgnent with me. Now my parents to tryed to tell me that they were just to young. But yeah I think that its a very lame excuse. People use that to damn much when it comes to giveing up a kid for adoption. I think that everyone needs to be honest with there selfs before they can be honest to anyone eles. Its bull shit to me cause yeah my biological parents where young but they were also doing meth and were selling it. They got me taken away because I had bruses all over me and I think a fractured scull and broken ribs. I was also very under feed. Now if you ask me, thats not parents loving you and making sure that you are taken good care of by other parents. my adopted parents are not the best either. Yeah I love them and what not but when they are stuck on themselfs and there 2 biological kids why would they waist time on the kid that is not theres to begian with. Honestley I really wish that they would have just aborted me. Make my life alot easier.

  29. cOnfused April 5, 2009 at 12:39 am #

    im adopted too. i got told i was when i was about 8 i think… but back then i really didnt understandf. im now 15 ,it made me confusedd howw i live with people who are not mi biological parents, how my cousins get told they look like there mums or dads n i dont get told i look like them . just yesterday, me & mum were talking about sumthing when she said that mi biological mum is australian. it really made me confused cause mi family is Greek, and i alwais thought i was greek, but i guess im really Australian, its really confusingg. She said she has a picture of mi real mother && i told her to show me but she saiid nah so i didnt ask for the second time. but she said mi real mum looks like me alot & that made me sad how ive never met her. i really wanna she a pik of her but i dont wanna ask for the picture. i dunt know y but yeh its confusing. sumtimes i go asleep cryingg because i wanna see mi bilogical mum and dad, i wanna see what they look like. the life they live. if i have any brothers and sisters. mi real family. whatt i could of have and the life i could have. it comfuses me 😦

  30. anasimic IT July 30, 2009 at 11:36 am #

    Zovem se Ana,trazim sestru i brata.
    Violeta i Nebojsa.
    Oboje su stariji od mene (ja imam 38 godina)i najverovatnije su usvojeni u dve razlicite porodice.
    Majka nam se zove matic(devojacko) stana,iz krusevca.07.02.1951.
    Ako neko moze da mi pomog. Cont.

  31. AL October 1, 2009 at 9:49 pm #

    I was adopted and have always known. It is my birthday soon and i will be 24. I try so hard to enjoy birthdays but there is always a slight bitterness that doesnt seem to fade. I talk to my birth mother now via email sometimes but i still cant see her as my mum. My adoptive family are my heart. They are far from perfect but I would never change them and I have always said that they are my ‘real’ parents. The two people i was destined to be with. But…even with that I still get a little sad. I think though…maybe this year I might just try and look at the positive a little more. I am so lucky but maybe wish I had someone to talk to about it who understood when i was growing up. It might have helped. If anyone needs someone to chat to about it im here! x

  32. kellie December 6, 2009 at 6:54 pm #

    Im 17. I was adopted as a baby and i dont remeber being told because i was so young when i was told. but i have always known i was adopted. i could of figured it out if i wasnt told. im colombian and my family is caucasian. i have a adoptive mom and dad, sister and brother. i am the only one adopted in my family. they are all blood related. i have a cousin adopted from kahzakstan but she is still very young. i have adopted friends but no one who is in the same situation as me. i wonder some of the things mentioned, who i realli look like, where did i get the shape of my eyes from, or who gave me these hips. ill proli never kno. colombia has a law that you have to be 18 to get birth records. that means that all information is 18 years old. that lowers alot of chances. i feel so confused. im in a loving family but i am very caustic and angry towards my adoptive parents. they wont let me grow up and that is normal in some parents but i mean like im going to college in half a year and they still baby me. i hate it. i wonder so many things. i have read articles about adoption and they say that adoptees are more prone to ADD, and something i read about called Primal Wound. i guess thats where scientist or whoever studies adoption thinks that babies connect with their mothers before they were born. this is from http://www.helpyourteens.com/ballad_of_adopted_child.php

    “In the womb, Psychologists now agree that the child is very aware of the mother, how she smells, how she laughs and feels, even how she sounds. The baby has been inside the womb for nine months. This baby even realizes if it was a wanted pregnancy or an unwanted pregnancy – this baby knows. It also has an awareness of the physical, mental and emotional connection with the mother. Bonding begins before physical birth and possibly shortly after conception. Many professionals used to laugh at this idea and thought it impossible for a little baby to know and remember being separated from its birth mother. Alas, the tide has changed and the professionals now believe that this child couldn’t help but know the separation from the birth mom that carried it – and this is the primal wound that stays with that child forever.”

    i dk what i think about that yet but it was interesting to read about.

    i feel like i dk how life is going to turn out. i have issues with depression,
    cyclothimia – https://health.google.com/health/ref/Cyclothymic+disorder
    as well as ADD.
    not much but enough.
    i also have extremely low self esteem.
    i was looking for someone to talk to or someone who understand. or i guess jus anyone who wants to listen.

    this is getting long and scattered but i have just a few more little things to say.

    adoption prolli helped my life be better in the way that i was given a better chance. but i wasnt given a better feeling. and i was a very happi child and adolesence brought on all my depression. i was almost sent to a home ( like for misbehaving teens) but i have realli tried. the smallest things make me realli sad but only when done by my boyfriend. i realli love him, to the point where its almost too much. and i didnt kno if that had to do with adoption or jus my mild bipolar stuff. and by that i mean how i get so attached to people where i cant let them go. and i realli want a child by birth so that i have something that i kno that is blood related.

    sorry that was a little jumpy. i can never consentrate on jus one thing. i hope someone comments on this or at least reads this but
    if not, at least ill feel like i got some of this weight off, even if theres a ton left.


    • letty - adopted April 5, 2010 at 10:26 am #

      I fully understand what your saying, if i’m by myself and not surrounded by those i love i find myself crying and fully breaking down into sobbing, often things just don’t feel like they fit, like i am a puzzle put into place but forcing the wrong pieces together, complete but incorrect – something hurts but i don’t know what my life is ‘perfect’ i have the most beautiful parents boyfriend friends and feel so lucky to be where i am today. But if I don’t have constant reassurance that i’m loved i break down. Maybe that explains a lot – nobody has every rejected me, or not wanted me but maybe I was before I can remember but its still there. I sorry i don’t even know if this makes sense its very late in aus and just trying to find some info about all this

      • Paula October 19, 2010 at 2:32 am #

        hi im adopted too and i feel the same way, if i dont get the constant attention or if somebody doesnt reasure me that they somewhat love me or show affection i break down. im boy crazy and i cant help it.. i dont like my birthdays and i always feel second best.. please reply back i dont know who to talk to or what to do to not feel empty

    • BRyan September 26, 2010 at 11:41 pm #

      Kelly i feel exactly the same as you. ive never done anything like this(i.e responded on websites like this) but i am more than willing to have a conversation with you. I feel like im in the same boat as you, except i am a male.feel free to email me back.


  33. skylin October 18, 2010 at 10:12 pm #

    hi am a adopted child.. i got adopted when i was 11 years old.. now 13.. i know how you feel. i dont know how it feels to not know your parents but i know how the sepparation feels..(same thing) i got taken away and put in foster care b/ of the situation i was in.. i dont know what happend to you but i dont belive that your parents diddnt want you because you we not who thay wanted you to be.. you are their child nomader what.. but im not saying that it is acceptable to just give your child away eather.. i mean i am really sorry that that happend to you i mean very sorry.. but you just got to live through it theres nothing ou can do to change it. your not alone:)

  34. opah March 3, 2012 at 1:49 pm #

    That’s exactly my experienced!!!

  35. Kerri July 11, 2012 at 12:27 pm #

    Adoptive parents and being adopted SUCKS. I wish this whole child abusing nightmare would end ONCE AND FOR ALL.

  36. Kerri July 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm #

    I wanna say to that I hate infertile people. They make crappy parents because they all deal with that lack of control totally IMMATURELY which makes them unfit to be around any kid. It is always their soap opera, poor me, poor me. They don’t give a damn how much pain they cause adoptees and our mothers, they WANT to hurt us because they want revenge for being unable to conceive. They have SO much gaul to, to expect adoptees to care about the pain they feel and then treat like we are insane because we feel more pain being taken away from our mothers who wanted us. (Baby scoop era). Oppressing us and our moms and having a constant pity part for themselves makes them psychotic immoral freaks and someday someone should punch them, the social workers and the adoption people right in the face. That is all they deserve and it is LONG over due. Gimme my real birth certificate America you fucking asshole.

  37. Jamie September 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm #

    Kerri – so sad for you that that is your experience 😦 I’m sure whether they were your birth parents, or your adoptive parents – whether it was because of infertility, or just a desire to adopt – they would be assholes. Discriminating against any group of people, because of one, two, or a small handful you have met – reflects on you, not that group. An asshole is an asshole, is an asshole. It doesn’t matter which group they do or do not belong to. I am very sad for everyone that thinks their adoptive parents didn’t want them, but somehow were pigeon-holed into feeling like they had to adopt, or something selfish of that nature. Whether you are adopted, or birthed – abuse, degrading, pain, and hurt are found in households all over the world. Children who have biological parents who *should* find them a safe home, but don’t….In EMS, I have seen many children, brand new, toddlers, young children, adolescents….all ages – left in their cribs for hours, locked in their rooms for hours – while their biological mothers leave, or sit in the living rooms and shoot heroin. Child who are so neglected and so abused that there is no coming out of that. Everyone has a sense of entitlement in this world. We all deserve to. We are all human. So feeling like your life was destroyed because your biological parents found you a better life, than locking you away in your cribs to cry and cry for hours – or that it was destroyed because a family wanted to call you their own – that is your right. But at the end of the day, just know one simple truth. People, regardless of their story, regardless of their background – are all lost. All of us. And at least we can rest easy knowing that we all have that in common with everybody else. “We’re just two lost souls. swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.” “How to fight loneliness – just smile all the time.” These are real truths for everyone. All of us. It is the human condition.

    • ggjhgjh July 15, 2020 at 1:29 am #

      Jamie shut the fuck up and fuck off Jamie you don’t even know what your even talking about your scum

      • ggjgjhg July 15, 2020 at 1:38 am #

        your a real pice of shit Jamie fuck of you scum bag you make me mad

      • ghjgjgjh July 15, 2020 at 1:40 am #

        Jamie your a pice of shit fuck of you scum bag

        • gjgjg July 15, 2020 at 4:37 am #

          Jamie you fruitcake fruitfly adopted people and non adoptees have nothing in common adopted people are not equal to the non adoptees how the fuck do we have things in common

  38. lopk June 16, 2013 at 11:42 am #

    I hate all of you your all nothing but a bunch of a holes that don’t care what an adopted person has to go through

  39. lopk June 16, 2013 at 11:44 am #

    an thedoara you pisce opf shit dont you dare speak for me you adoptive parent who loves to abuse and adoptee thedoar your not even an adoptee so shut up and your blog sucks and dosent even begibn to speak for how an adoptee feels

  40. lopk June 16, 2013 at 11:48 am #

    this blog sucks and doesn’t speak for how an adoptee feels I wish for once a person wouod make a blog for how the adoptee feels this blog speaks more for non adoptees

    • Miranda June 8, 2014 at 9:52 am #

      I am in the process of doing just that. I was adopted and didn’t find out until I was 49. It’s called From MatzoBalls to MeatBalls. It should be online soon.

  41. lopk June 16, 2013 at 2:28 pm #


  42. lopk June 16, 2013 at 2:31 pm #

    we are all humans will why the heck are adopted people not treated like humans why are adopted people not treated as good as the non adoptees expalin that Jamie you think you know so much about everything you have so much wisdom on how and adoptee feels

  43. lea September 20, 2013 at 12:40 pm #

    quit forcing people who hate being adopted to love it would you liked to be forced to love something you hate

  44. lea November 25, 2013 at 8:25 pm #

    hey letty you asshole you shutup and get of this forum you assf from the past

  45. lea December 1, 2013 at 4:00 pm #

    why did people force me to be adopted I never wanted to be adopted I didnt need to be adopted

  46. lea December 7, 2013 at 9:06 am #

    I am adopted I have been sick my whole life I have headaches and stomaches and never knew what was wrong with me that’s scary all people hate me I have been poor my whole life I have worked my whole life and have no money and people tell me iam lucky whats so lucky about this I am not lucky adoption has been my whole problem if I had not been adopted I would be so much better of and had a good life beibng adopted ruined my life I have nobody who understands me nobody to support me I don’t even know how I got on earth or if anybody gave birth to me and the non adopted people are awalys treated better than me

  47. Chrissy D. October 22, 2014 at 10:16 am #

    My parents both died when i was 11 years old and since my grandparents were dead and my aunt and uncle were unable to take me in,i was put in an orphange 3 months later.I didnt like it there and started wetting the bed at night and was put into diapers.Finially,4 months before my 14th birthday,i was adopted by a devout catholic family who had a 12 year old son.They told me that i would be starting over as a baby and had my room set up just like a nursery with an oversize crib,changing table,etc.Since i was still wetting the bed,they switched me to cloth diapers and rubber pants and tee shirts 24/7 and i had pacifiers and drank from a baby bottle.i had regular diaper changes just like a baby and when i was taken out,i wore baby type dresses.They then told me that i was going to be baptized and christened into the catholic faith as an infant thru the infant baptism program at their parish.Three weeks after my 14th birthday,i was taken to the parish nursery and dressed in a white,poofy short,baptism/christening dress with a bonnet,lace socks and white booties and had a new cloth diaper and rubberpants and tee shirt under the dress.I remained a baby for the next few months and my bedwetting became lee frequent as i became more adjusted to my new life.i was taken out of the cloth diapers and put into training pants and the rubberpants and started sleeping in a regular bed and became a normal teenager by the time i was 15 and a half.

    • Janelle June 22, 2016 at 9:38 am #

      Hi Chrissy D.-the same thing happened to me also,i was adopted at 14 and my parents put me into cloth diapers and rubberpants right away and i had to wear them 24/7 and was treated somewhat like a baby for almost a year.I did have a few accidents due to nervousness,but it wasnt that bad.After a little over a year,my parents took me out of the cloth diapers,but i still had to wear the rubberpants for a few more months.Finially,i got out of them and started being a normal teenager.

  48. link November 13, 2014 at 1:37 pm #

    all of you on here are such jerks none of you can support me the adopted perosn

  49. lop March 30, 2015 at 4:21 pm #

    thoradora you make no sense you selfish mean stupid dipshit

  50. lop March 30, 2015 at 4:24 pm #

    letty your a stupid mean dipshit

  51. hkhkhkh May 31, 2020 at 1:03 am #

    non adoptees need to fuck off

  52. ggjgjhgjhg May 31, 2020 at 1:04 am #

    non adoptees are always so rude and mean to adopted people and the non adoptees get to live better than adopted people

  53. hgjggjhgjgjhg May 31, 2020 at 1:06 am #

    non adoptees get to live better than adopted people and non adoptees are always so rude and mean to adopted people

  54. ghgjhgjhgjg May 31, 2020 at 2:12 am #

    being adopted is awful and painful and the non adoptees suck and are mean to adopted people like me non adoptees have no empathy they suck

  55. gjggjhgjhgj May 31, 2020 at 2:14 am #

    non adoptees are mean and awful I hate non adoptees they lack empathy to adopted people

  56. ggjg June 28, 2020 at 4:48 am #

    non adoptees are mean and awful

  57. sfsfdsfsfs June 28, 2020 at 4:49 am #

    I hate non adoptees they are so mean and awful to adopted people

  58. ffhgfhfhfhf June 28, 2020 at 4:50 am #

    non adoptees are so mean and uncaring

  59. gggjgjgjhg June 28, 2020 at 4:52 am #

    non adoptees are mean and uncaring dipshits

  60. ggjhgjhgjhg June 28, 2020 at 4:54 am #

    non adoptees are mean uncaring dipshits

  61. ddssdfs June 28, 2020 at 3:32 pm #

    non adoptees suck, non adoptees suck ass

  62. ddfdfsff June 28, 2020 at 3:53 pm #

    non adoptees live better than adopted people . everybody lives better than adopted people ,

  63. aaassda June 28, 2020 at 3:54 pm #

    non adoptees live better than adopted people

  64. sdasdad June 28, 2020 at 3:56 pm #

    non adoptees live better than adopted people

  65. ggjgjg July 6, 2020 at 3:37 am #

    non adoptees like to boss adopted people around

  66. bnbnbb July 6, 2020 at 3:40 am #

    non adoptees like to boss adopted people around . non adoptees cry when there birthfamily members die but then non adoptees turn around and like to tell adopted people how having birthfamily is not that great or important , non adoptees suck and are mean bullys

  67. ghghgjgjhg July 12, 2020 at 9:58 pm #

    adopted people are not equal to the non adoptees in America

  68. gggg July 12, 2020 at 10:01 pm #

    non adoptees are one above adopted people in everything adopted people need to get of there asses and start fighting for there rights and demand to be treated equal to the non adoptees its only going to get worse . there is so many unfair unjust laws put on adopted people

  69. ggjgjhg July 12, 2020 at 10:04 pm #

    nobody cares about the adopted people that struggle in life do to not having birthfamily they don’t count nobody cares about there struggling

  70. gjhgjhgjhg July 12, 2020 at 10:06 pm #

    its hard to do well in life if you cant have birthfamily and there is adopted people that cant have birthfamily and they struggle so much and nobody even cares

  71. ghgjgjgjh July 12, 2020 at 10:25 pm #

    the only time we adoptees exist to people is if we break a dam law any other time we cease to exist to god dam people

  72. ghgjgjg July 12, 2020 at 10:29 pm #

    being adopted is a awful life I know it is because i am god dam adopted

  73. gjgjhgjg July 12, 2020 at 10:32 pm #

    its a hard life not having birthfamily and iam adopted and iam not allowed to have birthfamily and its awful and nobody even cares about my struggling

  74. ghgjgjgj July 12, 2020 at 10:37 pm #

    its awful not having birthfamily you cant even do well in life because of it and its not even recognized that’s it a hard life not having birthfamily and being adopted . people don’t even think its a hard life but it is a hard life and I know because iam adopted and they are not easy for them to say they are not god dam adopted

  75. hhkhkhk July 12, 2020 at 10:39 pm #

    I don’t get along with the non adoptees they are always so cold and mean and uncaring to adopted people like me

  76. ghjgjhgjgjg July 13, 2020 at 2:01 am #

    i am adopted and I am not allowed to have birthfamily when your adopted your not allowed to have birthfamily and that sucks and is unfair and awful and you cant even do very good in life because of having no birthfamily and the non adoptees don’t even recognize this or even care that its hard life not having birthfmaily they think its an easy life to not have birthfmaily , the non adoptees also think I am allowed birthfamily when iam not allowed to have birthfamily , the non adoptees like to ignore the fact that iam not allowed to have birthfamily , if I was allowed to have birthfamily I wouldn’t be adopted, the non adoptees are such mean scum and have no empathy for adopted people the non adoptees choose to ignore my suffering and my problems, some non adoptees even think I chose to be adopted wich is awful why would I choose to be adopted that’s just plain stupid . non adoptees need a good slap in the face , I feel sad everyday of my life because iam not allowed to have birthfamily and the non adoptees don’t even care , a lot of non adoptees expressed to me that they think its wonderful that I have no birthfamily that’s just plain mean . non adoptees are not know to be kind , why do you non adoptees not want me to have birthfamily , I mean you got your dam wish you evil non adoptees I am not allowed to have birthfamily but why are you idiots so happy with me not having birthfamily

  77. ghgjgjg July 13, 2020 at 2:22 am #

    I struggle in life because i am adopted and having no birthfamily is awful and the non adoptees don’t even think I struggle wich just shows how mean and uncaring they truly are that they don’t see my struggling or even care but at the same time the non adoptees want me to care about them when all they do is treat me like shit the non adoptees think there nice and kind when there not

  78. gjgjgjg July 13, 2020 at 2:29 am #

    I struggle in life because I have no birthfamily and i am adopted . I have to depend on myself for everything with no help from nobody wich sucks and is scarey and hard and nobody even cares and then I have to hear from the non adoptees how wonderful adoption is and how being adopted is not that hard and is wonderful , when I struggle everyday

  79. fhfhgf July 13, 2020 at 2:39 am #

    I cant stand how the non adoptees think my life is the same as theres how the fuck is it the same its not and then the non adoptees get mad at me because I don’t feel the way they do or do things like them how can I my life is way different from theres .non adoptees suck , non adoptees have expressed that they think other non adoptees are wonderful and just don’t understand why I cant feel the same well maybe is because they have been treated better than I have by non adoptees ,live the adopted life and see how well you like the non adoptees

  80. gjgjghjgjhg July 15, 2020 at 12:21 am #

    every tom dick and harry in America can have birthfamily and a birthcertficate except adopted people when does this shit end does it ever end .criminals are even allowed birthcertficates and birthfamily but not adopted people . adopted people are very discriminated against in America and its not even recognized with is awful , America preaches about freedom day in and day out but wont let adopted people have birthfamilys or bircetficates at any age doesn’t matter if your adopted kid or old you still cant have it , there are adopted people in there 50s and 60s and older and never got to have birthfamily or a dam birthcretficate America sucks ass

  81. gjgjgjg July 18, 2020 at 5:23 am #

    adopted people are not equal to non adoptees and its not even recognized or talked about , when a adopted person tells the non adoptees how they struggle in life do to being adopted and not having birthfamily and are not equal to non adoptees ,the non adoptees don’t really care or think that the adopted person is unequal to non adoptees or think there struggles are real, non adoptees think the adopted person is equal to non adoptees . non adoptees never support adopted people , non adoptees think that adopted people are rich just because they are adopted even though there are adopted people who are poor with no birthfamily

  82. gjgjhgjg July 18, 2020 at 5:27 am #

    non adoptees never support adopted people .adopted people are not equal to non adoptees, non adoptees like being above adopted people

  83. gjgjgjgj July 18, 2020 at 5:30 am #

    non adoptees like being above adopted people . adopted people are not equal to non adoptees , non adoptees never support adopted people

  84. hkhkhkjh July 18, 2020 at 4:02 pm #

    non adoptees don’t care if adopted people cant afford housing but at the same time non adoptees want to make sure adopted people are never allowed to have birthfmaily or a birthcertficate and well go to great links to make sure of that

  85. wqeew July 30, 2020 at 10:52 pm #

    I hate non adoptees so much they always think there such wonderful kind caring people when there not, they are always so mean to adopted people like me but then think there so wonderful and nice . also the non adoptees like to deny the adopted person of everything and then get mad at the adopted person who struggles because of being denied of everything

  86. jgjgjgjhg July 30, 2020 at 11:19 pm #

    I cant stand the non adoptees , I hate how there nice to each other but are mean to me because iam adopted and then they don’t care or even think there mean to me . i wish i could smack the non adoptees in the face and deny them of all the things they have denied me of

  87. ggjgjgjhg July 31, 2020 at 1:28 am #

    I would like to slap the non adoptees good in the face and deny the non adoptees all of the things they have denied me the adoptee of

  88. hjgjgjgjg July 31, 2020 at 2:51 am #

    non adoptees deny me of so many things but then the dipshit non adoptees don’t want me to bother them and they don’t want to be around me and they love to ignore me after they deny me of everything . I am adopted and I hate non adoptees they are so mean and uncaring even though the non adoptees think they are so wonderful and kind

  89. adadadas July 31, 2020 at 3:19 am #

    it seems like the non adoptees are the only ones that matter and are important in America adopted people like me are treated badly and ignored, adoptees like me are at the bottom and get nothing while the non adoptees get to have everything ,

  90. gjgjgjg July 31, 2020 at 3:23 am #

    non adoptees are the only ones that seem important and matter in America, adopted people like me are treated badly and ignored in America where never allowed to have anything its truly disgusting and its never talked about or noticed

  91. gghggjg July 31, 2020 at 3:48 am #

    its freakin bullshit that people made me adopted and would not let me have birthfamily . it makes me mad that a lot of the non adoptees think I am better of being adopted and that I needed to be adopted , I never needed to be adopted . being adopted is stupid I would have had a better life not being adopted there was no reason I should have been adopted. the non adoptees are evil scum for making me adopted . I need birthfamily I did not need to be adopted , I am a smart nice person I need birthfamily so I can have a nice life , you can not have a nice life if you can not have birthfamily . let me have birthfamily you evil scum bag non adoptees . I am forced to be adopted and i am not allowed to have birthfamily ever and I hate it

  92. ghjgjgjgjhg August 2, 2020 at 2:49 am #


  93. ggjgjhgjg September 15, 2020 at 11:45 pm #

    I fucking hate non adoptees they are all one sided shit heads they want me as a adoptee to be nice to them and support them but they are never nice or kind to me ever or ever support me on anything

  94. bbbb October 9, 2020 at 11:03 pm #

    when your adopted your not allowed to have birthfamily and not having birthfamily sucks and is awful and this is never talked about with people, the non adoptees could careless if your a adopted person struggling with no birthfamily . plus the fact a lot of non adoptees think the adopted person is allowed to have birthfamily when your not allowed to have birthfamily . I am adopted so I know , I think the non adoptees are very mean to adopted people , trying to depend on strangers because you have no birthfamily sucks

  95. gggjgjg October 9, 2020 at 11:25 pm #

    when your adopted your living your life all by your self and its very lonely and your not lonely by choice like some people you don’t choose to be lonely but you are because your not allowed to have birthfamily.it is a very lonely life you have nobody who feels like you do you have no body to relate to nobody who want the things that you do . you can try to reley on non adoptees and strangers but they could careless how you feel and are not really there for you , whats sad to think is what you need is birthfamily and you cant have it , its hard to do things on your own but when your adopted your stuck doing everything on your own wich is exhausting , the non adoptees seem to think that having a bad birthfamily is worse than no birthfamily but I disagree I would rather have a bad birthfamily over no birthfamily and day , relying on strangers is awful and sucks

  96. ashasdhah October 11, 2020 at 4:52 pm #

    people wouldnt ever let me have birthfmaily because they thought I would live a bad life with them but people didn’t mind taking my house from me and giving me no where to live .people didn’t mind not letting me have a income so I was suffering with no money . people didnt mind not letting me have choices .people are mean douch bags I would have been better of if I had been allowed birthfmaily

  97. just beachy October 11, 2020 at 6:08 pm #

    the non adoptees make no sense to me I don’t understand them

  98. justbeachy October 11, 2020 at 6:11 pm #

    i am adopted and the non adoptees make no sense to me I cant understand them

  99. just beachy October 11, 2020 at 6:13 pm #

    I am adopted and the non adoptees make no sense to me I cant understand them

  100. gjhgjgjhg November 2, 2020 at 7:59 am #

    the non adoptees get to have so much while iam being denied of so much because iam adopted

  101. gjgjgjg November 2, 2020 at 8:02 am #

    so many people like to tell me I am better of being adopted wich is so not true iam worse of because iam adopted . there is nothing wonderful about not having birthfamily

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