Some days are worth nothing more than another hour snoring.

24 Sep

Ever have a year where you completely understand that the universe is out to assrape you as many times as possible to teach you various lessons about your life?

I think I’m having that year. And while I encourage change, as painful as it may be, since it always turns out for the best, I’m not really pleased with the universe at large.

Today was the first time, ever, I’ve gotten written up at work, and folks, that’s a HUGE thing for me. I knew it was coming. All things considered, I have NOT been present at work the last few months. I’ve shown up, did the bare minimum. But I haven’t been the me they hired. I haven’t been able to focus, or see through all the black shit swirling in my brain enough to really do my job.

I basically got called on all my shit today. I wish I could be surprised, or even indignant, but I’m not. It was all true. What killed me was being perceived as someone who couldn’t do her job, someone less than able.

Someone worth getting rid of.

I’m on a 30 day “plan”. It terrifies me. I’m so woefully under confident in myself when it comes to work skills, mostly because I fell into what I’m doing and any true “skills” analyzing data have been self taught over the last few years, along with an inherent ability to see the forest for the trees. I’m also scared because I don’t know how to condense 8 years with one company doing a large variety of things, from UAT to reporting to ISO reviews, into a coherent resume. I’m scared because I think I might NEED that resume sooner than later.

I’m scared because I had already started looking around at other things anyway.

I’m burned out where I am. My boss is being supportive-she understands what’s been going on, but she can’t make excuses any longer. I just feel….worn down. I have this huge craving to go work at fucking Walmart as a cashier just to have no real stress anymore, to just sit and smile and talk all day long.

As if right?

I’m over the shock. I know myself-I know I can pull shit together and make it happen. But what if at the root of all this is not wanting to anyway?

Anyone need a virtual assistant? I give good excel…..

(and Happy Birthday to me right? This just HAD to happen the day before my birthday, while suffering through labour worthy cramps. Go ME!)

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15 Responses to “Some days are worth nothing more than another hour snoring.”

  1. misspudding September 24, 2008 at 9:11 pm #

    Gah! 😦

    Well, the upside is that it gives you a reason to look harder. I was sort of in the same boat when I was laid off from my last job. And ever since, holy crap, even though I’ve been underemployed, it’s been just fab. I haven’t had to think about office politics or the bullshit of a job I barely tolerated…in many months. Sure, the financial security would be nice but boy do I feel better!

    Happy Birthday! 🙂

    Now go have yourself a drink!

  2. misspudding September 24, 2008 at 9:12 pm #

    Oh, what I really meant to say there is YOU’LL BE FINE!

  3. cinnamon gurl September 24, 2008 at 9:30 pm #

    That sucks. I’m sure you’ll do fine, but I can help you with your resume if you want. I’m kinda good at that stuff.

  4. thordora September 24, 2008 at 10:21 pm #

    Cin, I WILL take you up on that. Simple job to job stuff I can do, but this is a bit harder…

  5. Marcy September 24, 2008 at 10:25 pm #

    Huh. It does almost sound like a secretly desired kick in the pants, one way or another — either to get back on track where you are, and/or get serious about pursuing what you’d rather be doing.

    I’ve never had a full-time job. I taught part-time a few years, and various other odd jobs from camp counseling to cashiering to dry cleaner countering to selling baseball cards from a basement… but being a musician (one who is earning no money right now) is much more my style.

  6. March September 24, 2008 at 10:43 pm #

    a better job and a better outlook may very well just be around the corner.

    I know it’s hard to stay positive… believe me I know. but I do believe you’ll do well and this might just be the change that propels you to a happier place.

    iI know you’re ntot a fan of god and all that stuff, but I’m praying for you and your girls. (it can never hurt… )

  7. Krista September 24, 2008 at 11:34 pm #

    Be glad Matt isn’t behind you “30 day plan”. With D.D. you have a chance. Last time I checked she was actually human! Do you rememberwaht I told you came prited on my unemployment documents and checks “R_ _ _ _ Ass” It abbriviated assistance. Har Har Har. IT fit that company SOOOO well!

  8. Jennifer September 25, 2008 at 7:33 am #

    well that just fucking sucks hairy mole ass.

    But some have it right, I beleive things happen for a reason. Maybe this is the kick in the arse you need?

  9. thordora September 25, 2008 at 7:59 am #

    I believe that myself. Buck up baby, that sort of thing….

  10. Kelly O September 25, 2008 at 8:23 am #

    You’re climbing a mountain. Don’t look up, and don’t look down. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    One thing about a shitty childhood: You’ve weathered worse than getting written up at a jay-oh-bee, eh? *shrug*

    And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

  11. niobe September 25, 2008 at 10:14 am #

    I went through exactly the same thing when I was having one of my bad years. I just couldn’t manage at work any more — just did the bare minimum. Luckily, I got out, got a new job and that worked just fine until the next Bad Thing happened.

    (oh, and happy birthday! Mine is tomorrow — 9/26 — so we’re practically twins)

  12. thordora September 25, 2008 at 12:22 pm #

    oh wow! I didn’t know that! happy day!!!!

  13. nessatar September 25, 2008 at 1:33 pm #

    Ugity ugh ugh.

    Sorry to read about all the crap piling up. Like Kelly said, one step at a time, one day at a time. You’ll make it through, babe.

  14. Ms. Changes Pants While Driving September 27, 2008 at 7:13 pm #

    can i ask you analytical questions, but for free? or for things you can only find in the states?

    i googled “trend reports” yesterday. someone sent me an email asking for a trend report graph and i responded, you mean a line graph? and they said no, a trend report graph. just say line graph already. i heard american ketchup was a big deal. i’ll send you ketchup if you do trend report graphs =) stuff from target?

    sorry for the shitstorm. i hate it when the universe is not kind. one foot in front of the other.

  15. Bon September 29, 2008 at 9:15 am #

    still catching up here…shitty about this. and i was going to offer what Cin already has…i do resumes. maybe the three of us can put our heads together and help you cohere your skillz into something tres impressive, however the “plan” works out.

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