Three Things for Tuesday

10 Jun

The day has come.

Rosalyn must be potty trained.

She’s 3.5. At this age, Vivian was well on her way, eager to “earn” her prize and be “a big girl”.

Rosalyn on the other hand, shrugs and pisses herself. She literally doesn’t care. This is the same kid that when told “I’ll throw it out if you don’t pick it up!” says “ok mummy” and walks away.

Sigh.

So out comes the call-has anyone dealt with this? Everything I read talks about either eager to please kids or resistant stubborn kids. She is neither. She’s apathy defined. She will NOT sit on the toilet. She will however, piss at will on the deck.

I just want to stop buying diapers. She is MORE than ready and able to do it, but somehow she senses that I WANT her to, and therefore won’t.

So help please my peeps. I’m lost. Vivian was deceivingly easy.

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Sex ed however, is going ok. It’s not really Sex Ed before anyone panics. It’s more like preventative maintenance. I picked up A Child is Born at the local Frenchy’s (thankfully-1.00 is better than 30) and started to use it as a jumping off point. We had started having more detailed discussions about her “womanly bits” viw wikipedia, but I thought that tying it all together might be interesting. And with all the cool pictures-I always loved the shots of the sperm wiggling into the egg, and she was fairly entranced as well.

Once we got to the Daddy parts however, Mogo left the table.

It’s surprisingly easy, talking about this stuff. Maybe because no one ever talked to me about it, maybe because I am a firm believer that what we do today has an impact 10 years from now when they’re with a boy or a girl and wondering what they should do. Maybe it’s because I feel that our bodies are miracles, as is what we women can do with them.

It feels good to be able to talk to them about these things. It feels good to know I’m opening a dialogue that will last forever, all things willing. It feels good to watch Vivian get excited about her own body, instead of fearing it, or despising it.

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On something to amuse you: Apparently this happened last night as I drove by on the bus, nose in a Carl Sagan book.

14 Responses to “Three Things for Tuesday”

  1. Bon June 10, 2008 at 11:19 am #

    on the potty stuff, i got nothin’ but will read your wise commenters eagerly. on the sex ed stuff, i don’t think it’s ever too early. especially if you’re starting before they learn to be embarrassed and ashamed and all that awful stuff. may i borrow that book a year or two down the road?

  2. Eden June 10, 2008 at 12:04 pm #

    Honey, I tried EVERYTHING with Zoe. Seriously. I took all advice, tried every method. Then one day she says, “Mommy, I want to use the potty” and that was it. She was two months shy of 4. It’ll happen.

  3. Judy June 10, 2008 at 12:20 pm #

    I started freaking out when my Guthrie was 3 and a half and not potty trained. But then he basically did it on his own, so I’m no help there. His sisters and older cousin came for a visit, and while they were here he decided he wanted to start trying to use the potty, we got pull-ups, and within a couple weeks he was fully trained. He’s wet the bed twice since then, and that’s it.

    My daughter was trained by the time she was 2. And my Turner just turned 2 and is showing some interest, but I think cloth diapers might be helping that, and seeing his older brother pee outside. We let them pee in the backyard, and they LOVE that. Won’t work quite the same with a girl though, I figure.

    Sex: I didn’t get good, honest talk about sex really. Even today, my mom CANNOT call the parts by their proper names. She FREAKS when Guthrie says something about his penis, and gets tongue tied not knowing what to call it. I don’t think it can be talked about, honestly and openly, too early. Guthrie asked me long ago how the baby gets out of the mommy, and I said it comes out of a hole between her legs. A few nights ago he asked how it comes out from between her legs, and I explained as best I could to a 4 yo boy. That was that! Easy as pie! WOW! Why didn’t I get this stuff?

    My poor step-daughter who is here for a visit never got any of this from her mom, and is TERRIFIED of the changes her body is going through. Her mother had never even explained to her that she has had a boob job. The poor girl has been growing up thinking that’s what breasts are supposed to look like, so no wonder if she has a bad body image!

    Good luck with the potty training. I say, wait a little, give encouragement, she’ll figure it out. Or, start putting her in real panties – it will be a mess for awhile, but she’ll get tired of being wet, I would guess.

  4. Erin June 10, 2008 at 1:18 pm #

    About potty training…just thought of this. Put a cheerio in the pot and ask her to make it float. Put a drop of food colouring in and ask her to make a rainbow. (Why didn’t I think of these when I needed them?) I just took my daughter to the library and let her choose a bunch of books that she only got to read during potty time. She spent a lot of time on that pot!

  5. canadacole June 10, 2008 at 3:30 pm #

    All of my kids were late potty trainers. With my oldest, we kept trying, she kept not caring. “So what if I’m wet? No biggie.” I found I much preferred changing diapers to cleaning messes, so we’d try a few days, fail, wait a couple of months and try again. On her fourth birthday everyone gave her panties and we told her that 4 year olds don’t wear diapers, it’s the law (she’s very, very into rules). That was it. The first day she didn’t get off the pot, but she went farther and farther and was fully trained at the end of the week. My next daughter was about 3 months shy of 4 when she finally trained, but she just didn’t GET it before then (she’d cry as she peed and accused people of throwing water on her). My son just trained at 3.5. He got it, he just didn’t want to, until we bribed him with Lindt chocolates. Whenever I’d get frustrated with all those trained at 2’s I’d just chant to myself “not going to wear diapers in middle school”. They’ll do it when they’re ready. It’s the first major power struggle.

    Now that I’ve done a thread jack I also wanted to give you big props for the Sex Ed. Life is so much easier when you just grow up knowing the facts AND knowing your parents will always tell you the truth about your body. You rock (and I’m making note of the title of that book).

  6. thordora June 10, 2008 at 4:01 pm #

    We’ve just been spoiled by Vivian’s ease of training. Rosalyn is very much her OWN person, so I am biding my time to a degree, and waiting for the Zoe moment. 🙂

    Fair warning about the book-it’s VERY european, VERY white and VERY much stuck in the early 80’s. Otherwise it’s fab.

  7. daisybones June 10, 2008 at 6:02 pm #

    Re: the sex ed thing… what I wonder is why there are still people who, like, Have The Talk. Molly is freakin’ two, and I’ve already started matter-of-factly explaining junk as it surfaces. Like, “No, Mama doesn’t have a booboo. That’s special, um.. Goddessy blood. It’s a cool thing, doesn’t hurt.”

    I don’t advocate everyone indoctrinating their kids with Wicca, but hey- the point is I made it be not a Big Unapproachable Thing.

  8. Jenn June 10, 2008 at 9:17 pm #

    Thor I think it is so cool how far parenting has come with the topic of sex. I also admire you for your openness with your daughters in that respect. it is also admirable to me that you are including the concep of same sex love in your teaching, what someone like me would have benifited from knowing that my sexuality was acceptable in my families eyes.
    I remember being a young girl and my mom giving me a book that explained the menstral cycle etc… It was terrible and most of what I learned about sex was learned on the school yard. My mother never talked to me about homosexuality or even that two women or two men loving eachother was even an option. When I reolized I was a lesbian I shocked myself and was so confused which sounds so stupid. All I knew is that I had these feelings that were supposed to be reserved for the “man” of my dreams and here I was having them for a woman. It warms my heart to know that perhaps the next generation may not have to go through that stage like I had to. Communicaton has come such a long way. Thank you for that and for sharing that even as vagly as you did here. You can have no idea how important just saying “what we do today has an impact 10 years from now when they’re with a boy or a girl and wondering what they should do.” can really impact your daughters in 10 years. Good for you!

  9. Jennifer June 10, 2008 at 10:00 pm #

    Yeah. My ped trained the eldest. He looked at her and said “mom and dad cannot buy anymore diapers, you are too old for them now”. She said “OK” and that was that. I HAD TRIED EVERYTHING.

  10. March June 11, 2008 at 6:33 am #

    is she in school??
    not sure if she is, but maybe you could approach it as for the next cycle, it’s school rules or something…

    I totally agree on you with explaining things and calling them by their name. I too don’t feel uncomfortable talking to Morgan about it, though I’ll say having Mackenzie has made it quite easy as he sees him at the bathtime and diaper changing, so it was very easy bringin it up since he was born… right now we’re full in talks about good touches and bad touches…

  11. Hannah June 11, 2008 at 10:04 am #

    You already know how I feel about having frank discussions with the kiddos about sex. I have to say it’s helped me enormously too, because I never used to be able to say the word “vagina” without blushing, and now it rolls out like nobody’s business. Which has been fun.

    You’ve read some of our adventures in potty training already. It’s an ongoing process. Isaac’s been in big-guy underwear for ages but he still has the occassional poop accident (I’d so much rather clean pee, obviously – don’t know what the story is there). However, a week ago he announced that he didn’t want to wear diapers to bed anymore – and he’s been dry every night. This was a good lesson for me because I didn’t push staying dry at night, or even trying – in fact the first few times he mentioned it I said things like “oh, that’s an advanced trick, don’t worry about that yet, let’s concentrate on staying dry in the daytime first”. I suspect if I’d just relaxed and not worried about it, he’d have trained himself.

    The one thing that did help a LOT was letting him come with me to pick out his own big boy underwear. We made a special trip out of it, just him and I, and I didn’t say anything when he selected (shudder) Diego-themed stuff. He had a genuine desire to not mess up his new undies and made some major strides right after we bought them.

  12. radical mama June 11, 2008 at 2:47 pm #

    Can’t read all the comments… baby is gettin’ hungry.

    All I can say it to let her run around nekkid all day when you can. Lots of mess to clean up and daily baths are a must, to be sure, but she will really start to pay attention to when she has to go. Or let her wear big girl underpants. Very uncomfortable when wet or full of poop. Also, gross to clean up, but hey, the ends justify the means, eh?

  13. Aina Bernier June 14, 2008 at 11:02 pm #

    All good suggestions. Also, try M & M’s as a reward. Other people do stickers. You might really have to bribe her, though, if she doesn’t care much. That’s why the M & M’s worked for us.

  14. Jason Dufair June 15, 2008 at 7:20 am #

    I’ll echo “candy”. Rolly-rolls (tootsie rolls). 1 for pee, 2 for poo. Though mine really only potty trained when they were good and ready. Anticipation… It’s making me wait.

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