Gloomy Friday

24 Aug

rain rain go away come on back some other day

it’s someone’s sick idea of amusement to have me stuck in a house trying to work, with two children who won’t nap who I’m trying to keep quiet as their father works on the phone upstairs.

sick I tell you sick, and more than once I’ve found myself muttering ‘and people wonder why I get suicidal”

I’m not suicidal, don’t worry. I’m annoyed and cranky and misplaced and feeling left of center, but not at all in the mood to off myself, don’t worry. Somedays are just-they’re like the hindenburg of parenting days-I don’t know what to cook, how to make the kids happy, how to get my work done, I want a soy latte and a cookie, I want a week or a month of silence in the woods.

It’s pretty bad when I crave camping. I HATE camping. I’ve tried being that person. I’m not.

I get tired out from the constant splitting of attention-my brain shrinks and shrieks, running in circles trying to find some sort of baseline it can rest on. It can’t. There’s always something that needs doing-someone needs their ass wiped or wants juice or fills the air with something awful and grating. And I sit, trying to be at peace with it.

I know that even if I was healthy, this would still be irritating, the incessant rain falling, drops so big I can watch them through my windows. I would still have the beginnings of a tension headache in my brow, and I would still know that no matter what I made for dinner, someone would bitch about it.

3 Responses to “Gloomy Friday”

  1. marcelarhodus August 24, 2007 at 7:24 pm #

    I’ve said myself quite some times that it’s a wonder I don’t kill myself or someone else…
    then I remember “Breathe… Breathe… just breathe”

  2. thordora August 24, 2007 at 8:23 pm #

    BEER> Lots of beer is helping me, now that the screaming has stopped. How you, or anyone does this alone is beyond me.

  3. radicalmama August 25, 2007 at 12:39 pm #

    I completely sympathize. It is so completely annoying for any person.

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