Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

24 Aug

A little while back I found out that someone I went to high school with, someone I considered a friend once upon a time, had died in a car crash. I hadn’t talked to her in a very long time, but I remembered her as kind, snarky and fun to be around. I remembered she wrote me letters I always forgot to respond to.

This morning I went to load the one picture I have of her onto facebook. But I can’t find it, and it’s bothering me. It’s like the picture, and the letter, are the last links I have to her. The letter I can find, and I hold it thinking “this was written years ago when she was more than memory, more than dream. When she was real, and needed to go to the bathroom, wanted peanuts. She had dreams when this was written”

Yet the letter was like a deflated balloon. No life in it, no mysteries. Just her, gone. Yet another person I never had a chance to say goodbye to, to tell that they lived a good life. Maybe this is the allure of Facebook-it’s a second chance to tell people you once knew that they mattered, that you appreciated them, that you recognized them for what they were.

Sometimes I forget to tell the people in my life what they mean. I’m a terrible friend-I don’t stay in touch, I’m mean, I forget to pay my debts. Maybe maybe….maybe social networking isn’t a bad thing because it allows people to apologize, make good on who they were, recognize the people who really were friends.

Sometimes though, it’s just too late.

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3 Responses to “Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.”

  1. Jennifer August 24, 2007 at 9:37 am #

    I like Facebook for that. For me, it brings into reality the fantasy of teenagehood. My teen years were traumatic having a nutty mother, and being a socially awkward teen, was even more so. I like to be able to say….hey, this is me now. It especially feels good (in a dirty way) when I see the uber bitchy snobs who always acted better than me and crushed my dwindling self esteem for fun living a not so idyllic life. As they say, the best revenge is living well eh?

  2. Caitlin August 24, 2007 at 5:11 pm #

    I’m not the best correspondent (unless it comes to IM), and have only gotten worse in my 20s. Most of my friends are facebook, and it seems to work a little better than email. If one of us gets a little delinquent (past the point where you feel like you can call to apologize for it), it’s easier to open the door again with a /hug or being invited to join their pirate/ninja/vampire army. I don’t know if it’s a symptom of depression or just part of me, but for sometimes, I get into a space where for some irrational reason I think no one wants to talk to me anymore.

    It’s really hard to lose someone so young. We’re supposed to be good for another 40 or so years before we have to worry about dying. One of the boys I used to babysit got killed in Iraq last year. And I hate that I never got to see him as an adult, because I had already moved up here about the time he started high school. It’s hard knowing that the promise of the adult he was going to be is never really going to be fulfilled. And it’s a little weird, because his myspace is now a memorial to him. A guestbook for the afterlife, I guess.

  3. marcelarhodus August 24, 2007 at 7:22 pm #

    When I read this post, my first thought is that I should apply this to my children today… I feel like I’m going to kill someone out of lack of sleep and stress, then I read your post and feel bad even thinking what if I did not have them. I need to be a better mom today.

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