“I want to know if Im crazy”

13 Jan

So do I dude. So. Do. I.

People said I was crazy when my mother died. People said I was crazy when I hitchhiked through Ontario. People said I was crazy when I was 16 and moved away from home. People said I was crazy to meet my birth mother at 18. People said I was crazy to marry at 20. People said I was crazy to have a kid.

People say that. A lot.

My brand of crazy isn’t a bad thing. Ok, so the bipolar part of crazy can be, but sometimes it’s a cool thing, like when I’m on a roll and everyone around me is laughing harder than they can breathe. My crazy makes me a little different, so that’s a bit fun.

But the other part of my crazy that involves hearing things and seeing things and wondering if everyone is out to get me, that’s not quite so fun. Or the urge to go buy things, to spend oodles of money, not so fun either. Or the dreams, oh the dreams I have, of death, of dying, of repeated moments in times. Those aren’t fun either.

I can’t tell you if you’re crazy. No one really can. Maybe your crazy is the right reality? Maybe you’re so far gone, no one really can tell anymore.

Maybe it doesn’t matter anyway.

12 Responses to ““I want to know if Im crazy””

  1. Nat January 13, 2007 at 12:33 pm #

    I like your ‘crazyiness’ (although I don’t really think it’s crazy, more like… bold. That’s it!). Makes you interestingly unique!

  2. Southerncharm January 13, 2007 at 12:58 pm #

    I’ve always heard, “A crazy person doesn’t know their crazy.” Maybe I’m crazy and no one has the balls to tell me!

  3. Nat January 13, 2007 at 3:47 pm #

    PS: Thought of you today when I saw hoodies with devil horns on them, at D-Tox.

  4. LGirl January 13, 2007 at 7:33 pm #

    Who isn’t crazy? If you choose no children, if you choose more children than the average, if you travel the world without roots, if you won’t leave the house.. What the heck is Normal anyway?

    My mil passed away a few mos after DH and I married so I never really got to know her. The one thing I do remember her saying was ” everyone is two steps away from the edge Two!” I thought maybe she was crazy! but Now I know she was right.

  5. Caitlin January 13, 2007 at 9:24 pm #

    Well, people tend to think I’m a little crazy in the “OMFG, there’s no way I could do that!” type of way. I’m crazy for moving out when I was 16, and even more so for moving 1200 miles away to a county with a 1 million + people in it. And well, you don’t want to know what they say about my solo geocaching trips, especially the event in California I’m driving to next month.

    Crazy seems to vary a lot by area. In my hometown, I was crazy for waiting until almost 24 to get married and have a baby. Up here, I’m crazy for being the 26 year old mom of a two year old and staying at home. Most of my friends up here didn’t even get married until their late 20s/early 30s.

    To be honest, I like my friends a little on the crazy side. They’re a hell of a lot more interesting than the cookie cutter girls and more fun to be around.

  6. reg927 January 15, 2007 at 5:16 pm #

    i know i’m crazy too but i think we have to be to remain somewhat sane because no matter how crazy we may be, someone somewhere is crazier, and this world is really really f-ing crazy!

  7. Confused April 1, 2007 at 2:58 am #

    Hey, the original blog was of much interest to me. I would love it if you could reach out to me (Thordora).
    I have not been to a psych yet but I think maybe I should. Everyone around me seems to be telling me something, or so I think. It seems that people use the word crazy around me, a lot. I am not sure if they are trying to tell me that I am crazy or if maybe it is a very commonly used word. Or Maybe I am not really hearing it (auditory hallucinations) because it seems to happen from people around me. Like they are talking shit about me. I dont know.
    It could be that it is always on my mind, so I am always listening for the word. When I hear it, it effects me emotionally. If I am crazy, then will somebody just tell me straight up so I can get help. I am almost ashamed to ask anybody. This forum has been the easiest way to avoid this embarrasment. Somebody please reach out to me. Ochoa715@hotmail.com

  8. Jonathon January 18, 2008 at 12:52 am #

    This I think is a great blog, and I feel that your not crazy just hurt and disturbed by your own past, but as you say no one can no forsure. I have very crazy and insane thoughts all the time. I think that everyone has thoughts of crazyness, but it’s just how you take them and what you do with them.

  9. joe February 19, 2008 at 11:25 pm #

    I hear shit my mind tells me im crazy in song somtimes wen im mad fuked up or sober i can spin the world or drift out into nouthingness somtimes i fuk around with reality so much i cant feel or move my body sometimes i wana say fuk it n drift away but im too young to die my mind wont ever shut the fuk up n i sometimes i rly wonder if im crazy

  10. SkuL December 5, 2008 at 4:51 am #

    dude confused i get paranoid about people talking shit too consantly.. always leading to brawls or arguments. but anyways i have diagnosed with parinoid skizofrienia and bi-polar and heavy depression i dont know what to beleive anymore…

  11. whatever February 5, 2009 at 6:48 am #

    i think every day that goes bye anyone at any given point in life gains a little more of the crazy bug i know im getting crazier every day that goes by i know what it is 2 as we develope our minds to the world around us and the society we created we realize more and more every day we will die and people around us begin to die we as adults become very intune with our emotions aswell as our bodies and that creats more stress on a primitive mind i do believe one day we will fully understand the crazyness that lurks in all of us but till then we need to learn how to manage it i know im crazy the only way i can manageg it is by seeking out answers about life and things that stimulate my brain well i guess u can say knowladge i dont want to e ffect anyone around me with the ideas and thought that have i read all of the inquieries i know what each and every one of you are saying just take it day to day and learn how to enjoy i know im trying

  12. putton August 11, 2009 at 5:29 am #

    we are all crazy to everyone else

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