6

10 Mar
070 by thordora
070 a photo by thordora on Flickr.

And so it goes and so it is that leaves grow green and fall and winter blankets us with snow and the sun comes back out, eventually. And children grow older.

My baby, my second born, my risk has turned 6.

Where her sister is rough and burly, she’s delicate and tiny, walking everywhere on her tip toes, lips pursed, a story on her lips. Monkeys that fly, perhaps a pony or a diamond. She’s the girl my mother likely dreamed of, flounce and poof, pink and purple, dolls and puppies.

But she has more than one story my girl does. For all she appears careful and girlish, she has a solid core, a steel inside I did not anticipate. She will wait, she will howl, she will say no, and mean it, and know what that means, to say NO. She is fierce in all the ways I can never be, a silenced acceptance of herself even now,

When I think of women, when I think of the woman I want her to be, I shake my head and realize, she’s already half the way there.

***
She’s 6. I sat on the bus home yesterday remembering her howling face in mine that first time, the scowl, the iron core even then. How big she seemed in my arms, wrapped and rubbed and angry at a world that woke her almost too soon. I didn’t feel love, I felt puzzlement, awe that I had held her in me, then cast her away from me, as mothers do, again and again and again.

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3 Responses to “6”

  1. Bon March 10, 2011 at 3:27 pm #

    my younger one has that steel as well.

    and i marvel at it even as i break myself upon and cast it away from myself, and i breathe in gratitude that she has got it.

    happy birthday to your Rosalyn.

  2. Quadelle March 10, 2011 at 4:13 pm #

    You could be describing my eldest – all girl, all certain all the time. I marvel at this internal strength she has, and confound myself about how to work with it.

    Happy birthday to Ros, may she keep her strength always.

  3. schmutzie March 11, 2011 at 11:42 am #

    I’m just dropping in to let you know that this weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday: http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2011/3/11/five-star-fridays-141st-edition-is-brought-to-you-by-a-danci.html

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