Last First Day

8 Sep

And we’re here.

I found myself staring at both of you this morning, as we brushed hair and washed cheeks. Over your heads I stared, eyes slightly damp, at the picture that has sat on the fridge since Rosalyn was a baby. In it, Vivian, you stare intently at 2 day old Rosalyn, curious like a dog, nose barely an inch away from Rosalyn’s red cheeks, her tightly wound reddened hands.

I remember that day. I remember it was too hot for the heavy sleeper we put you in Rosalyn, the cute one already packed away for nostalgia. I laid a homemade blanket on the kitchen floor as I gently laid you down, Vivian circling and wanting to see. Her sister. Sisters, the two of you.

Two of you. All grown up. Your hair it tangles, and weaves itself. Vivian you yell and curse and scream until I hand over the hairbrush, ever so insistent on doing it yourself. Much the same as you did at 2. You both let me tie your hair back today, feeling distinctly grown up and old as I wrap the hair tie around the thick hair. 4 brown eyes stare intently, my daughters, flesh of my flesh, and I feel a slight sigh flutter out of my belly.

It’s like I’ve escaped something, or exceeded a goal or just…crossed a line. Suddenly you both feel and seem so awfully grown up and old, that is until Rosalyn starts rattling on about Ren and Stimy or Vivian, you start telling me it’s ok to kill ants because no one likes them anyway. While you’re both silent, you seem ageless. Short, but simply without time. Yet then I feel so old, as minutes and hours march by me in your eyes, and I feel the wind change.

The wind carries your womanhood on it, your growth, the days ahead. Lunches, pencils broken, hearts and flowers. Futures.

But for now ladies, I’m good with both of you out of the house each day.

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5 Responses to “Last First Day”

  1. Deer Baby September 8, 2010 at 3:17 pm #

    So lovely. Brings back memories of my mother brushing mine and my sister’s hair.

    I think it’s okay to kill ants too(whisper that.

    These rites of passage posts at this time of year are ruining my mascara.

  2. dean labella September 8, 2010 at 3:38 pm #

    Although I have never left a reply I often read your thoughts your hopes your prayers in your beautiful often touching writings. I have seen other writings from you on the why bp push away thread. I myself having gone through so much. Your writings have helped me in so many ways you touch the human side of all things we live on and through everyday. Today is specialy nice to see you have added pictures to your writings making the thoughts you have been putting out here come to life! Whether they be your kids or not they look just like I had pictured them a truly heart felt and warm thank you from me to you and may the gods smile upon you and yours. Thank you for all that you do and have done. My deepest regards. Dean LB. 🙂

  3. Emma September 8, 2010 at 6:50 pm #

    Your girls are the just the cutest creatures. first-day-of-school posts like this one make me want to cry, though I haven’t the slightest idea why.

    I’m crossing my fingers their day was wonderful!

  4. bon September 8, 2010 at 7:13 pm #

    when they are silent, yes. when they are silent i sometimes wonder if we aren’t all ageless. it’s like floating. then they scream. 🙂

    it is the last first day, and yet…not. i hope not. i hope we are there to witness the rites of passage for years and years to come.

  5. hodgepodgeandstrawberries September 10, 2010 at 8:52 pm #

    They look lovely. I can’t say more than that. 🙂

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