This is the point where, if you are easily offended or otherwise may be traumatized by TMI on my part, I ask you to step away, and look at this instead.
There comes a point in every girl’s life where a tiny little play toy doesn’t necessarily cut it. So, she starts looking through the dubiously named “realistic” dildo section. I don’t particularly remember reality having penis’ as large as my arm, but hey, whatever works. I’m a bigger girl, so I prefer a little girth. (and dudes, it isn’t length that matters. It’s girth. Girth doesn’t try and knock your cervix through your teeth.) So I poked through the section, read a few write ups, felt my eyes widen at the sight of a few.
And then, I decided on the Hard Throb.
This is a vibrating dildo, which takes, oddly, C batteries. (Or maybe I’m just used to owning tiny toys…) Measuring 7 or 10 inches long, (I got the 7 inch version) and 5.5 inches around, it’s not so big that you think you should be asking for an epidural, but not so small that you hear yourself again in high school thinking “is it in yet?” Fun was had by all.
A little while later I had both batteries and a partner, and so Hard Throb reemerged from his little box. While I’m not a huge fan of vibrating dildos since they tend to smack of “jack of all trades, master of none”, I was surprised at how nice the vibrations were. Multi-speed with a dial base that’s easy to maneuver, it did a fine job getting me to a nice fever pitch. However, I’m really not a fan of vibrations inside the vagina-I mean really, a penis doesn’t vibrate when you’re having sex after all. That being said, it could still get things shaking in all the right ways.
I enjoyed it. I mean, really, it’s pretending to be a penis. It served it’s purpose. What more could you ask for? It’s nicely rigid, which I appreciate because seriously, if you’re trying to rub one out before bed, and you’re having that fantasy involving RDJr, a grassy field and some rope, who wants a floppy dildo? (what? You don’t have that dream?)
Actually….I didn’t read carefully enough, and when I got it out of the box I went UGH.
The kind of rubber that is insanely difficult to clean, and that sticks to things. The kind of rubber I dislike. Sure, it warms up nicely. But do you have long hair? Know what long hair, or cat hair, or fuzz in general does together? They hang out. They smoke weed and then they DON”T LEAVE like that twerp your little brother used to hang around with who always stared at your boobs.
And it just makes the entire thing not at all worth it. I feel like I’m storing the Mona Lisa when I clean it and put it away, which frankly, ruins the sleepy buzz you were trying to get in the first place. A little clean up is one thing. Fiddling in the dark,trying to not put it down anywhere….feck.
Based on that, I wouldn’t recommend this toy. There are plenty of other vibrating and non-vibrating dildos that won’t make you work so hard, or tell you that you should likely keep it covered with a condom to make it last longer.
I’m lazy. I’d rather save up for something glass truth be told. But, if you don’t mind the extra work, the Hard Throb is a perfectly serviceable toy for the price (selling at 28.99 plus shipping).
Now, because I’m awesome, I have a little treat for you. I have as 25.00 gift card for EdenFantasys to give away to whomever can share, Jezebel style, the worst sex story. (As is, he was terrible. He told stories with his hands, he wore a hat and socks.)
I lost my virginity to a french guy in red bikini briefs. I don’t think it really gets too much worst, aside from surprise butt sex. But please, spill. You can do so anon so long as you leave an email I can reach you at.
So go ahead. Let me hear about it. 😀
ETA: YAY! Hannah! You win! 😀