A bedtime story, with Vivian.

12 May

…since they have a high fecundity..hey Viv, you know what that means, right?

No.

It means breeding.

Oh. Making babies.

Yeah, sex.

EWWWWWWWWWWWW! HA! EW! Sex!

You’ll like it some day. You have to to make babies.

How do you make babies?

Well, it’s different for amphibians, but for mammals, like us, there’s a penis…

HA! Penis! That’s a silly word for it!

Well, no sillier than vagina. Or breast.

I like chicken breasts. HA! Penis! How does it work again?

We’ve been through this. Aren’t you doing this at school too?

No.

Sigh. Fine. The penis has sperm and in the vagina it can meet an egg…

EW! EW EW EW EW! I’ll NEVER do that.

ha. Yea you will. And you might not even do it to make babies. Some people do it because it’s FUN.

NO! I NEVER will! EVER! EW! That’s so GROSS!

Alright Viv. I’ll remind you when you’re 16 then.

NEVER!

Alright then.

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14 Responses to “A bedtime story, with Vivian.”

  1. Chloelowewew11 May 12, 2010 at 11:45 pm #

    LOL!!..funny!! :-)) Tell it as it is!..though rather you than ME!! (NO kids,just nieces)! :-0

  2. missy May 13, 2010 at 12:06 am #

    Haha. Awe.some.

    Love the new format.

  3. afteriris May 13, 2010 at 6:37 am #

    Brilliant and hilarious.

    This a part of parenthood I’m really looking forward to, no joke. I’m sure my kids will be horribly embarrassed but I will be the kind of mother that has a big, unmonitored jar of condoms in my bathroom and will encourage all teenage visitors to grab a handfu

    • afteriris May 13, 2010 at 6:39 am #

      or handful. You know, for when when a hand(fu) just isn’t enough.

  4. Molly May 13, 2010 at 6:42 am #

    So funny. Max will not believe me when I tell him I don’t have a penis. His response: “It’s in there somewhere.”

    • thordora May 13, 2010 at 7:02 am #

      I’m constantly having to convince Vivian that no, she doesn’t have a penis. Drives me insane.

      That’s adorable tho. 😛

  5. Forgotten May 13, 2010 at 9:43 am #

    I’m crawling back under the covers and dreading this day. My boys are 3 years old and I am not looking forward to having this conversation. I’m open to telling them about it, I still dread it though.

    I hope you show her this when she’s about 14 because it seems they are starting earlier and earlier now. It’s scary. REALLY SCARY.

  6. niobe May 13, 2010 at 11:07 am #

    That ESS EE EX stuff through me for a loop. Because I was actually kind of expecting a story about EYE VEE EFF

    Maybe I read too many infertility blogs.

  7. niobe May 13, 2010 at 11:07 am #

    and by “through” I meant “threw”

    Gosh, I’m an idiot.

  8. Bon May 13, 2010 at 5:41 pm #

    i can just see my poor kids, getting a whole mouthful of queer theory the next time they ask about the sea monkeys having babies. 🙂

  9. flutter May 14, 2010 at 1:47 am #

    that would crack me UP

  10. Hannah May 17, 2010 at 10:16 am #

    Isaac told us a while back that he and his wife would have eight babies. And that they would have to do “the special thing” a lot of times in order to get those eight babies.

    I nearly died laughing. On the inside. ‘Cause you don’t ever want to laugh to their faces.

    He hasn’t asked yet about the actual mechanics of “the special thing”, and I don’t intend to bring it up until he does.

  11. San Diego Momma May 18, 2010 at 12:40 am #

    My six-year-old is saying “va-jay-jay,” which is just too Oprah and completely unacceptable.

    I like what you said better.

  12. Heather May 24, 2010 at 11:41 pm #

    Your email got hacked – got a message saying you’re in London and stranded OMG! And the I replied saying you were hacked, and the person who wrote back said “thank God” and I was like WTF, that is really not my thordora.

    I’ll try to catch you on FB, too 🙂

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