5 May

I try to never lie.

I mean, I’m sure I lie to my kids occasionally, telling them their mouths will swell shut if they keep talking at 4am, or I might shave 10 pounds from my weight to preserve my vanity. But the big stuff? Who I am, what I look like, what it means to be in this body-I don’t lie about that stuff. What’s the point? Eventually someone will find you out, and you lose the person, as well as, presumably, your self respect.

I had recently connected with someone through my blog, or so I thought. Conversations I’d look forward to on email, the kind you sometimes only have with new people. I thought I’d made a friend.

The odd comment would be weird, but then, I’m rapidly discovering that with most people, I’M the odd nut, so I chalked it up to the awkwardness of conversation, stilted through emails, and moved on. But then I asked for a picture. I’ve been talking, on and off, to this person for months, they’ve read the blog. My life is up here, in technicolor. Seemed only fair.

I received a picture obviously pulled from a catalogue, or an ad. When I questioned it, I was basically told I was broken, with the person immediately running offline. Which makes me then question if the pictures of their children weren’t stolen off someone’s blog or some other site as well, a life crafted as a lie to make me feel comfortable.

I really don’t understand-I don’t get the lying, I don’t get the falsehood. Nor will I put up with it. I’m cautious by nature anyway, but had thought I had found a friendship, as I have found with so many of you. But something…isn’t quite right. While the antennae for wrong was triggered awhile ago, I could never quite figure out why. I wonder if I know this person, in life. 

Mostly I wonder why.

People mock me for my lack of faith in humanity. But generally speaking, humanity reinforces my cynicism with this type of behaviour. I wonder what a person gets out of this. I really do. But what is gained, in any case, aside from my anger and irritation?

So if anyone emails me, and I’m a complete snot-now you know why. People, you piss me off.

12 Responses to “Duplicious”

  1. niobe May 5, 2010 at 8:20 am #

    as you know, i’m unhealthily fascinated by lies and liars. so this is, like, wow.

    • thordora May 5, 2010 at 8:40 am #

      oh darlin….I should send you an email to add to that. 😛

  2. Jennifer May 5, 2010 at 8:32 am #

    I spent a long time on message boards and learned through some very painful situations that people are not always what they seem to be.

    I admit, that when I came to visit last year with my business, I was worried that you’d think I was weird, not what you were expecting and I worried about awkwardness.

    Know what I discovered? That you’re real. You’re not weird, you’re normal. I loved sitting in that bar drinking blueberry beer and cannot WAIT for it this year. I may have the husband, kids and trailer in tow, but I cannot wait for it!

    I’ve come to think that most people who protray “normal” online, may have a skeleton or three in their closets. And frankly are not being true to themselves. They are the ones that make me a bit leery.

    This person, called YOU broken? My mother, who is truly broken, thinks that everyone else is insane, and that she is the victim of the world. You wear all your brokenness on your sleeve, you know it, you accept it, you acknowledge it. THAT is not crazy/broken/damaged. THAT is real. No one is perfect, not even mr.catalogue face.

    • thordora May 5, 2010 at 8:40 am #

      I figured you’d think I was a freak. 😀 But I don’t hide who I am. Life is too short.

  3. Bromac May 5, 2010 at 8:45 am #

    I”m sorry, that just sucks.

  4. misspudding May 5, 2010 at 2:57 pm #

    Oh, weird.

    That’s just…weird.

    Well, I have your address now, so there’s no running away from me. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

  5. Bon May 5, 2010 at 3:12 pm #

    like Niobe, i’m fascinated. mostly because the work it takes to sustain online identities just seems too much to me half the time even when my online self is pretty much my real self, with less potty mouth.

    people are odd little creatures. and instincts are very handy things. yours smell pretty good, to me.

  6. afteriris May 5, 2010 at 5:12 pm #

    Ooh this gave me such a shiver. I think it’s inevitable that we misrepresent ourselves at times (I know, I know… don’t overthink it, I am me, you are you etc.) Of course, that is totally different to sending a picture from a catalogue then disappearing. And why? What did they stand to gain? Very odd.

  7. sweetsalty kate May 5, 2010 at 8:51 pm #

    Stuff like this always makes me shudder, at first, sure. But then I feel so heartbreakingly bad for the perpetrator. Can you imagine living with yourself, maintaining this? He/she/whomever must have been terrified all along that you’d ask for a photo.

    I can’t imagine the self-loathing that would accompany all this. Not that I’m begging understanding on anyone else’s behalf – more just shaking my head. Pity. Creepy. All of it.

    • thordora May 5, 2010 at 10:41 pm #

      yeah, there’s that as well. And the kicker? Unless you are Jabba the Hut and eat small children, I don’t really care! And if someone knew me, they’d realize that.

      Which truly makes me wonder. And spend a little extra time staring over my shoulder.

  8. charmingbitch May 6, 2010 at 10:41 pm #

    Christ the internet sucks but it only sucks bc of the behavior of ppl using it or in this case mis-using it.

    I’m super sorry that happened to you.

  9. Cheeky Monkey May 7, 2010 at 5:30 am #

    I was going to make a joke about how I really do look like that, but then …. some crazy shit has happened on the internet this year–for me, near me, to me–and so I just didn’t feel like it.

    But don’t we all lie, to ourselves, mostly? I mean. Of course we think we don’t. We try hard not to (maybe some people try harder than others). But we do. Our capacity for rationalization is astonishing, really. I guess the fake picture just seems more left of center than the rest of our half-truths, but we’re all somewhere on the spectrum.

    I’m not cynical or depressing, am I?

    OR: you could think of it as a compliment? like, the person really cares what you think and wants to impress you? Yeah, go with that.

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