“If I nurture the newness while I have it, perhaps, I won’t lose it — at least not for something less. And if I nurture what I keep, perhaps, I won’t miss what I have lost.”

19 Apr

And just as soon as it was, it isn’t.

A message in my Facebook, the modern Dear John, hey, it’s not you, it’s me letter. The shrivelling of  the small kernel of hope. The sigh of starting, again. The gladness at not opening up as far as my initial reaction.

This is dating in 2010 isn’t it?

(and no, I’m not really that morose about it. I dug the dude, but damn, there’s issues there I’m not able, or frankly willing to work on anyway. Irony is, I was starting to have the “maybe this isn’t cool” thoughts myself, kept to myself, quietly hidden. Gross irony is it ending on what would have been my wedding anniversary.)

So I dust myself off, smile, put on the best boob shirt I can find, and get back out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained after all.

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17 Responses to ““If I nurture the newness while I have it, perhaps, I won’t lose it — at least not for something less. And if I nurture what I keep, perhaps, I won’t miss what I have lost.””

  1. Hannah April 19, 2010 at 9:52 am #

    Take from it the good – it came at a time when you needed the confidence boost and the kindness the very most.

    It was a lovely way to spend the doldrums of winter, wasn’t it?

    Still though – Facebook? Do grownups really break up on Facebook? I thought that was only for students. Guess am I old-fashioned.

    • Hannah April 19, 2010 at 9:53 am #

      And of course that was *guess I AM* not *guess am I*. Yeesh. Apparently I’m also sleepy today.

    • thordora April 19, 2010 at 9:57 am #

      Ha. I actually prefer doing stuff like that via email or facebook-no chance to say or do something stupid or kneejerk. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

      and yeah, it was a nice way to spend a few weeks, so no real harm done. 😀

  2. raino April 19, 2010 at 12:32 pm #

    i am sorry ..

    you are right though, get that boob shirt going.

    a little cowardly and cold to do so through fb, mind you.

  3. missy April 19, 2010 at 4:14 pm #

    Good attitude.

    Also thankful you didn’t reveal more than you wanted.

  4. Marcy April 19, 2010 at 4:30 pm #

    How blessed that you were also having second thoughts — still no fun, but better than the breakup when you’re full of confidence and walking only on air.

  5. thordora April 19, 2010 at 4:44 pm #

    Something was weird anyway, which made me start questioning, quietly, in my head, while not wanting to jinx it. Likely was feeding off him, as there was a lot of back and forth about it.

    Also-likely something else going on, but really, not far enough in to care. It’s just weird that one day it’s all “us doing stuff in the future” and two days later it’s “i can’t do this”. But whatever. There are many more fishies. 😀

  6. Jennifer April 19, 2010 at 5:57 pm #

    Awesomeness in your attitude. I think it did some healing good for you. He was likely what you needed at the time, took from him what you wanted and now you`re both moving on.

  7. Cheeky Monkey April 20, 2010 at 5:31 am #

    On Facebook? Dude, kinda cold. But good for you, getting that boob shirt back on. Here’s to boob shirts and men who are man enough to deserve them.

  8. niobe April 20, 2010 at 10:55 am #

    This whole thing sux. And by “whole thing” I mean, y’know, *relationships* — before, after and especially during.

  9. bromac April 20, 2010 at 11:44 am #

    On facebook. Really. Ugh.

  10. flutter April 20, 2010 at 6:58 pm #

    on facebook. What a tool.

  11. et April 20, 2010 at 7:36 pm #

    Such trite words but still – better now than later…

  12. Shana April 21, 2010 at 10:07 am #

    There isn’t enough information here or previously to understand what really was going on (and rightfully so; you shouldn’t reveal every detail about yourself online). But it does seem strange that he’d previously make comments about how much he adored you and how he’d keep you safe, and then just a short while later, break things off completely.

    The motto is true: Don’t pay attention to what guys SAY. Anyone can say sweet words; they don’t take much talent or thought. Only pay attention to what they DO.

    He was right, however, in saying this is all about HIM, not you. Good for you for moving on.

    • thordora April 21, 2010 at 2:39 pm #

      yeah, it’s completely fucked. But it’s his issue, not mine. So I’m not exactly crushed. 😛 It’s just WEIRD.

  13. magpie April 21, 2010 at 10:10 pm #

    argh. but…it seems like you have a pretty good attitude about it.

    • thordora April 21, 2010 at 10:29 pm #

      eh. You win some, you lose some. Aside from the annoyance of wanting to know the actual reasoning (cause I’m data hungry like that) I don’t find I much care. It was an enjoyable 2 months or so. It’s all good. 😀

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