Toy Review: The Aphrodite

8 Mar

When ever someone is willing to give me sex toys for review, I’m pretty much there. I mean honestly, what’s more fun than playing with toys for free? So when MyPleasure.com emailed me about trying something out AND hosting a giveaway for you, my readers, how could I say no?

MyPleasure.Com sent me The Aphrodite, a best selling sex toy in the same vein as the Hitachi Magic Wand. As I’ve never tried that little bugger, I thought this would be a great chance to see if my notoriously fickle clitoris would be at all pleased by size and power.

Ahem.

Before I received my play thing, I checked out the website. And it’s great-nicely laid out, nothing too explicit or rough. It’s very matter of fact, and likely a hell of a lot less intimidating for women buying their first toys, or even looking. It can be scary for some women, and I must extend my kudos to MyPleasure for obviously trying to cater to the mid range demo-because they are legion, and they need love too!  So for those of you terrified by the more…shall we shall, descriptive sites-fear not. You’ll be at home here. If scrapbooking had sex toys, they’d be at MyPleasure. 🙂 (There’s also a bunch of sex resources on the site, cute articles and such-have a read through.)

The Aphrodite came discreetly packaged, although the shipping slip said “personal massager” so I’m pretty sure my Dad figured out what it was when the package arrived. Thankfully, beyond the smirk, he didn’t say a word. The toy itself is packaged pretty sedately-I could leave this packaging on the shelf, unlike anything else I’ve ever ordered or tested-those packages are mostly all still sitting in boxes in my crawl space until I figure out a safe way to get rid of them in the land of transparent garbage bags. My daughter saw the box and was so uninterested she didn’t ask me anything. (However, I DID leave the neat pamphlet that came with it, and quite nearly had a conversation about vibrating panties that I didn’t want to have just yet.)

The Aphrodite comes in a cute purple bag which can hold the wand itself and the detatchable silicone heads-there’s a nubby one, a smooth one, and a pointy one. As a person with long hair, I appreciate being able to keep the silicone pieces in the bag safe from hair, dust, cats, small people. The toy itself is rather large and heavy-but in awesome news, it’s rechargable.

That’s right ladies. No more scrounging around at 2am after watching Iron Man again. A 12 hour charge equals 1 hour of use with The Aphrodite-and if you’re still in need of assistance after an hour, I don’t know what to tell you. I LOVE not needing batteries-environmentally friendly, and just plain easier.

The Aphrodite

The Aphrodite runs on two speeds-low, which also has a nice warm infrared spot, and high, which is akin to your washing machine on spin.

I wanted to like this toy SOOO MUCH.

I tried.

Now, maybe it’s just bad timing and I’m already getting laid far too much these past few weeks. Maybe my clitoris just decided to be more than it’s usual finicky self.

I hold all vibrators up to a simple test-can it do better than my 10.00 pocket rocket? (I love that little guy.) And in this case, I have to sadly, say no.

I pulled Aphrodite out twice, and I’m sorry to say that she and I won’t be going to the prom this year.

I feel a little like Goldilocks about the entire thing to tell you the truth. Low was to low-a nice light hum that revved me up, but just left me sitting there. But high….lord, after a few seconds, I could feel my clit cowering behind itself, begging me to stop. And the noise-my house isn’t very soundproof, and my father lives in the basement. And while I’m comfortable enough, and adult enough to order him Hustler on the cable, I really don’t need him to hear me rubbing one out like a freight train.

And it made my hand numb.

Now, many of the reviews have been positive for women-many saying they’ve never brought themselves to orgasm before (my word you poor things, how? How is that possible?!?!) and that The Aphrodite made them cum-so by golly, if you’re one of those women, try it. For me, as someone who needs a very peculiar arrangement of pressure and not touch to get off, brute force is not the answer.

The Aphrodite does exactly what I expected-it’s just that my body is…special. She was too big, and too strong for me. And loud. I just can’t do loud, not with kids and my father around.

Would I buy it? No, but now I know I wouldn’t buy this type of massager, period. Would I recommend it to people who like this kind of thing? Yeah, probably. It does what it’s supposed to do, and, from what I can tell, it does it well. It just doesn’t work for me. I can see how it would work for some women though, and I encourage you to try it if you think it would. (And honestly, I love the rechargable factor so much I might try a little harder to like it. I can just plug it in! SWOON!)

But, for now I’ll stick with my pocket rocket.

Now, not only did MyPleasure.Com send me The Aphrodite to try for free, but they also threw in a giveaway! I’ve got 70.00 in gift certificates for one of you! If you’re in North America, you’re eligible to win-all you need to do is check out MyPleasure.com and tell me what you’d like to try the most! (Bonus entry if you tell me WHY you want it 😉 )

So head on over there, and see what you like! I’ll keep the comments open until Saturday at noon, and pick a winner for Monday!

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14 Responses to “Toy Review: The Aphrodite”

  1. Stephanie March 8, 2010 at 11:02 pm #

    I love an honest review. If this neck massager didn’t get you off, it didn’t get you off. 😉

    Looking at the site, I’m sure there’s plenty there that would (I do recommend steering clear of the Layla vibes; they’re bloody expensive & unreliable). I think with toys like this, they’re meant to be a supplement to partnersex or to another toy. They’re kind of numbing for such a tender area (whereas G-spot toys with that kind of power would be awesome).

    I’ve had my eye on The Cone forever & MyPleasure has them. The Waterproof Tongue/Intimate Kiss look tempting as well. I also like the name “Nipplettes.” Like a naughty Motown all-girl group.

    Hey they sell Nipple Nibblers! Makes a great lipgloss 😉 (I sell that one).

    BTW: If I’m the lucky winner, I’ll give away $70 worth of the stuff I sell on my site 😉

  2. Suebob March 9, 2010 at 3:06 am #

    Wow, I was all excited by the Layaspot because they are hypoallergenic (that cracked me up for some reason) but the person above me doesn’t like them. So maybe the Cone…

  3. Heather March 9, 2010 at 10:15 am #

    Ooh, sorry it didn’t work out for you. As the owner of one of those clitorises (is that even a word? clitori?) that need specific pressure in a specific spot, the Aphrodite probably wouldn’t work for me, either.

    I was pleased to see they have the Lucid Dreams #14 (even if Amazon has it for $20 cheaper), which I’ve been meaning to try for, well, ages.

  4. Cynthia March 9, 2010 at 11:24 am #

    Wanty: http://www.mypleasure.com/Sex-Toy-Ella.asp I have one other Lelo product and they’re very well made. I prefer toys to be 100% silicone if possible and it’s awesome if they don’t actually look like traditional sex toys. It isn’t even a matter of someone finding it, I just prefer a sleeker, less “rainbow covered phallus” type design.

    I’ve totally give up on battery operated fun – expensive and frustrating. I have the mother of all “massagers” – Hitachi Magic Wand. Anything else I use doesn’t need a power source 🙂

    Also, you should pick me because I’m trapped in my house 90% of the time and I could use some entertainment 😉

  5. magpie March 9, 2010 at 2:56 pm #

    I love that the Aphrodite is billed “As seen on Oprah!”. I didn’t know Oprah did sex toys…

  6. Bonnie March 9, 2010 at 4:57 pm #

    We’ve had some people LOVE this “massager” and some people feel the speed levels are High and Way Too High. Thanks so much for the honest review!

  7. Dusti March 9, 2010 at 7:47 pm #

    I’d go for just about anything in the games for lovers… my boyfriend and I are planning a weekend away soon and I’m looking for a surprise. Their Nookii game would be great, as would sensations.

    • thordora March 15, 2010 at 10:48 pm #

      and GUESS who hit number one on the randomizer?!?! YOU! 😀

  8. Dara March 9, 2010 at 11:39 pm #

    Hubby and I haven’t bought sex toys since the kids came along. Not that we haven’t wanted to. Just that because there’s a store here in town neither one of us thought of using the INTERNET to order toys. Silly us. You can imagine, anyway, how the family outing to the toy store would go. No, no honey, that’s not a purple singing banana, put it down!
    Anyway, if we did order something (which I’m seriously considering now) it would probably be the http://www.mypleasure.com/Sex-Toy-Oh,-Baby!.asp Oh Baby. Why?
    One, I’ve always liked the idea of us being out somewhere and him flipping a switch from across the room to let me know he’s thinking of me. Two, I like to have a nice bath at night before bed. He likes to have sex (well I do too, but he’s too polite to say “no honey don’t have a bath come to bed or I’ll fall asleep”) This one’s waterproof, so if I’m in the tub he could send me a nice “subtle” signal that he’d like me to come to bed.

  9. Vicki March 10, 2010 at 11:12 am #

    Ok. Count me in. I like the looks of the beginners vibe pleasure kit or the water bunny. The fairy mini wand collection looked cool, too. I have’t purchased one of these for myself before (my soon-to-be-ex bought ours so I didn’t get to pick anything for myself) so I would love to finally get to pick my own toy!

  10. charmingbitch March 10, 2010 at 11:57 am #

    Oh wow, I am so boring but I would order a case of the Liquid Silk; lube was never an issue before but maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan is it now and that stuff is seriously like liquid GOLD!!

    • thordora March 10, 2010 at 4:10 pm #

      that stuff is AWESOME so I don’t blame you one bit :p

  11. Cheeky Monkey March 10, 2010 at 6:23 pm #

    I first read MyPleasureCORN and was distracted the rest of the post wondering exactly what pleasure corn was, if I should get some, and if they really meant to name their website that. But oh. NOT corn.

  12. Didi March 11, 2010 at 11:55 pm #

    Soooo, I haven’t been here in a while, but I think it’s a funny coincidence that I was just at a Passion Party, where 85% of my g/friends own a toy…. I DON’T, and never have.
    So, with kids, work and everything else going on, my poor man barely gets it as it is. Now , he might have competition, because I’ve spied this little number called the Helix. I’ve often thought that IF I ever bought one of these babies, that I’d like it to be glass, and who knows, maybe hubs could reap some benefit from it!

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