14 Feb

Valentine’s Day has never been much more than a day the world gangs up on me and tries to make me feel bad if I don’t have flowers or chocolate. But for the last 12 years, I’ve had someone there with me.

This year, there’s no one, and the ache throbs. It woke me up through the night, the coldness in the bed amplified, the quiet in the house.  Nobody loves me-maybe I had always made a stink about the flowers, but I always knew I was loved.

This year, it’s a silent grey morning, and I cannot wash the sad from my face.

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8 Responses to “”

  1. Leanne February 14, 2010 at 11:09 am #

    I know the girls love you and though I know where you are coming from, their love is truly the most healing and transformative love.

    Do something sweet with them.

  2. Kelly O February 14, 2010 at 3:20 pm #

    I hear you, man. I think I’m a bit further in the whole thing than you are, and I would say that last VDay was way worse than this one. It will likely never be this bad again. You can make it through.

  3. Marcy February 14, 2010 at 3:52 pm #

    I love you too.

  4. jennyspeaks February 14, 2010 at 10:53 pm #

    You aren’t alone in this.
    And I absolutely love your writing. Your writing is so real and honest. You’re on my blogroll now 🙂

  5. flutter February 15, 2010 at 12:40 am #

    Oh, sweet girl…

  6. wn February 15, 2010 at 9:12 am #

    psst—I kinda love you..:*)
    psst — am totally not downplaying the suckiness of the day tho….maybe know that it sucked for alot of us even those of us who supposedly HAVE someone who loves us (um..yea)
    psst — beer soon….:*)

  7. Titanium February 15, 2010 at 6:12 pm #

    Re-schedule it. Re-name it. Pick a random day to just celebrate YOU. With your girls, by yourself, with a friend…

    Who needs VD, anyway?

  8. et February 15, 2010 at 9:36 pm #

    I agree – it’s a ploy to sell stuff. Celebrate/don’t celebrate any way you want with/without lovers.

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