So, yeah.

11 Feb

Plans are afoot for Spin Me I Pulsate, and it’s looking like, come March, she’ll be shutting the hell up. (I know, a bunch of you are rolling your eyes and yelling Thank FUCK for that..)

It doesn’t seem me anymore. The person in here-the happy person, the fucked up person, the person with a family and love, the person who wanted to die-none of them look like the me I am, or will be. It feels like an old pair of pants I’ve grown out of.

Maybe I’ll change my mind at some point. Maybe I won’t. I don’t know. I’ve just got too much shit going on, and this is starting to feel strange to me.

For now, I’ve started The Service of Others, fiction, based on the stories I hear each day from the people I talk to. Sure, a call center is a shitty job. But open your ears, and people will give you more than you’d imagine. And I want to write about that. More than anything, I want to be writing more, not whining and telling my story. I fuck my life up-we’re clear on that. I just don’t want to be linked with that much more.


6 Responses to “So, yeah.”

  1. Gabriel... February 12, 2010 at 2:07 am #

    You’ve had a huge seismic shift in your life, things need to be rearranged and sorted. I’d avoid saying “never”, because you could make decisions later on based on spite… “no, I can’t restart SMIP because I told myself I wouldn’t.”

    I’ve been slowly changing Salted (I think) based on similar-in-size seismic shifts… at the same time trying to decide how much longer it can continue.

    I was told relatively recently that the world won’t collapse if I stop blogging. Which is true. But a piece of my world, when I stop, or even if I change blogs, will disappear.

    The blog is what you want it to be, and it means exactly what you want it to mean.

  2. Jennifer February 12, 2010 at 8:24 am #


    I admit when my blog crashed and I lost all the data, I wasn’t upset. I’d grown from it. Moved on.

    I can make it something new.

  3. sweetsalty kate February 12, 2010 at 2:02 pm #

    This is refreshing for you, I hope. It feels that way from here.

    …and I’m just glad you’ll still be writing.

  4. magpie February 12, 2010 at 2:41 pm #

    I hope for good things for you. And from you.

  5. Marcy February 13, 2010 at 9:36 am #

    The relationship with the past is tough to figure out sometimes. It’s the you that was, the foundation for the you that is becoming, and there should be some compassion and respect for that contribution and continuity, whatever you decide for this blog.

    There’s also lots of good helpful stuff here for others to stumble across, so I hope if you stop writing here you’ll at least keep it up as archives.

  6. bromac February 14, 2010 at 8:43 am #

    I, for one, would be extremely saddened to lose this blog. But it certainly isn’t about me, and if you’re ready then you’re ready.

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