I’m paranoid. Or I can be. My thoughts can be driving the straight line of a prairie highway and then BANG, there’s a hairpin turn, a cloverleaf exit and suddenly we’re on some secondary road that’s never been paved where everyone stares as you go by.
I contain these thoughts, usually with a random “oh for FUCK’S sake, will you give it UP!” or just a shrug and a whisper to myself of “stop it” as I carry on through the day, la la la.
Somethings make this difficult. The threat of a flu pandemic is one of those things.
My paranoia’s, or delusions, or whatever they are, tend to focus on relatively inane things-a resurgence of the cold war and the usage of nuclear weapons, needing to survive without modern comforts, food shortages. Pandemics. Things that don’t usually happen. It’s easy to put them in context when I rationally know that they won’t likely happen.
However, I also read too much.
There are parallels that my paranoid brain links together, parallels that make me hold my breath while someone in my house coughs, or has stomach upset. Hey, I know that it’s unlikely we’d see infection rates akin to half the world’s population again, not if current vaccines can keep it in check. I know that most influenza isn’t necessarily deadly.
But. But but but rattles down the brain stem, and makes me nervous, and wary, the paranoids jumping up and down with the thought that GASP! they might be right after all!
I do, as often I have done, jump to the worst case scenario first. Worrying in a world where you can be on the other side of it in 12 hours that it’s just too damn easy to spread ill will and disease.
I worry when the young and healthy are the ones cast down. It’s all been done before.
And I just worry.
What’s your take? Do you get totally freaked out at this kind of thing like I do, or do you just go on about your day?