Wednesday

25 Mar

No matter what happens, I can always be glad I’m not twittering American Idol. What the fuck is with that?

Today was ok! I think I may have almost made a friend, a normal, human being with the cutest child I have ever seen and the same veiled disdain for the entire process. It’s cool.

Having said that outloud means that I’ll now say something horribly offensive without knowing it and ruin the entire thing.

Anyway.

I proved myself a pain in the ass by finding a mistake in their knowledge management tool, and pointing out that the little quiz questions are vague and misleading, asking us to make assumptions when in reality we would clarify the ask from the customer.

I can’t shut off the salaried employee in me, looking for places to improve. I used to work in the Process Improvement department, and have helped to write training materials. It’s killing me. Sitting back and shutting the hell up is bloody difficult. REALLY freaking hard.

What’s kinda cool is sitting next to this woman who is the sweetest thing I have ever seen, and totally reminds me of my MIL. She keeps giving me all these compliments, like telling me how confident I am, and how she can’t believe how easily I retain info, or how easy I find things online (on this one I remind her it only means I have no life). It’s so NICE, after the last few years of little to know positive feedback, to just be around someone so plainly sunny and optimistic. Weird, but nice. It’s like sitting beside this little pocket of gentleness, and feeling refreshed. Having a guy later tell me, “hey, I really dig your brand of humor.”-I’ve gotten used to people basically telling me to shut the fuck up, so this was….yeah, it was kinda cool. Maybe people aren’t all bad after all.

It’s just hard, staring at someone with their cell phone and laptop, coming as they please, sitting at their desk, their space, and missing it. Missing my desk, my spot. But not the work. Not the stress. And that’s what this change is really about-change. Oddly enough, it feels good. It feels good to press myself to leave the book in my bag and talk to people, to relate, to identify and laugh.

However, one thing I haven’t mentioned to anyone is the bipolar.

Normally, I don’t care, but I just have this feeling…this feeling that mentioning it will not be in my best interests. It’s killing me in a way, to be hiding this, because I’m not normally open with it. But I do worry, and will likely worry for awhile, that mentioning it with ruin any chances of anything in the future.

I want to be the advocate-I just don’t want to ruin my chances, or set any expectations that aren’t warranted.

And yes, you’ve stumbled into me blogging my first week at a new job. Sorry-don’t really have anyone else to talk to about it.

Now wish Bon good luck and stuff. πŸ™‚

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9 Responses to “Wednesday”

  1. dayatthebeach March 25, 2009 at 10:04 pm #

    Process Improvement. The mantra of my days. I have a similar job to the one you left behind and some days (most days), I wish I was in a cubicle just doing the work and being able to leave it at night. Instead, I take it home, I work on it on the weekends, I dream about it. Yes, it’s nice to have the freedom to take time off for this and that, but the constant tether around my neck can strangle now and again. I know it’s a price to pay to move upwards. You will no doubt advance in this job because you have oodles of potential and creativity. Enjoy the slower pace while you can and the time with your family sans stress. I envy you. πŸ™‚

  2. Eden March 25, 2009 at 11:04 pm #

    I was thisclose to commenting that I had a feeling you would make a friend but I didn’t want to jinx it πŸ™‚

  3. de March 26, 2009 at 8:31 am #

    re: being an advocate. How high is this on your agenda? Anything is off-putting if people get the sense that you are bringing it up. That’s a lot different from being frank about it if the subject arises.

  4. Marcy March 26, 2009 at 9:24 am #

    Sounds pretty good so far. And I’m with de re: mentioning the bipolar thing.

  5. bromac March 26, 2009 at 11:48 am #

    I wouldn’t mention the bipolar issue either. Glad, though, that you are so pleased.

  6. Jennifer March 26, 2009 at 2:59 pm #

    Mentioning your diagnosis would be like telling people you were menstruating. Loudly. TMI eh? It’s personal.

    Just think of the mindless job you have to look forward too. All the better for me, save your brilliance for the consulting work!

  7. thordora March 26, 2009 at 3:54 pm #

    Yeah, I’m keeping it to myself.

    Mindless should be good for awhile, but when I mentioned my backround to the site director, he seemed curious, so I’m thinking there’s some room to manover there. Awesomeness.

    And the sun is out. Squee.

  8. Hannah March 26, 2009 at 4:01 pm #

    I love that you’re happy. It makes me smile.

    And yeah, I’d keep the bipolar to myself for now. You’ve just met these people; give them a chance to get to know you without the inevitable (false) preconceptions knowing your diagnosis would bring.

  9. daisybones March 27, 2009 at 3:44 pm #

    I don’t mention my sciatica or asthma or panic attacks the first week on a job. *Shrug* If bipolar comes up, you can react however feels right to you.

    I’m happy to read you’ve found some people who grok your snarktastically twisted humor:)

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