No matter what happens, I can always be glad I’m not twittering American Idol. What the fuck is with that?
Today was ok! I think I may have almost made a friend, a normal, human being with the cutest child I have ever seen and the same veiled disdain for the entire process. It’s cool.
Having said that outloud means that I’ll now say something horribly offensive without knowing it and ruin the entire thing.
I proved myself a pain in the ass by finding a mistake in their knowledge management tool, and pointing out that the little quiz questions are vague and misleading, asking us to make assumptions when in reality we would clarify the ask from the customer.
I can’t shut off the salaried employee in me, looking for places to improve. I used to work in the Process Improvement department, and have helped to write training materials. It’s killing me. Sitting back and shutting the hell up is bloody difficult. REALLY freaking hard.
What’s kinda cool is sitting next to this woman who is the sweetest thing I have ever seen, and totally reminds me of my MIL. She keeps giving me all these compliments, like telling me how confident I am, and how she can’t believe how easily I retain info, or how easy I find things online (on this one I remind her it only means I have no life). It’s so NICE, after the last few years of little to know positive feedback, to just be around someone so plainly sunny and optimistic. Weird, but nice. It’s like sitting beside this little pocket of gentleness, and feeling refreshed. Having a guy later tell me, “hey, I really dig your brand of humor.”-I’ve gotten used to people basically telling me to shut the fuck up, so this was….yeah, it was kinda cool. Maybe people aren’t all bad after all.
It’s just hard, staring at someone with their cell phone and laptop, coming as they please, sitting at their desk, their space, and missing it. Missing my desk, my spot. But not the work. Not the stress. And that’s what this change is really about-change. Oddly enough, it feels good. It feels good to press myself to leave the book in my bag and talk to people, to relate, to identify and laugh.
However, one thing I haven’t mentioned to anyone is the bipolar.
Normally, I don’t care, but I just have this feeling…this feeling that mentioning it will not be in my best interests. It’s killing me in a way, to be hiding this, because I’m not normally open with it. But I do worry, and will likely worry for awhile, that mentioning it with ruin any chances of anything in the future.
I want to be the advocate-I just don’t want to ruin my chances, or set any expectations that aren’t warranted.
And yes, you’ve stumbled into me blogging my first week at a new job. Sorry-don’t really have anyone else to talk to about it.
Now wish Bon good luck and stuff. 🙂