You know what really chafes my ass?
I’ve been without a psychiatrist since January-ironically enough, the last appointment that was cancelled was the day I found out my job was disappearing. My doctor had a heart attack-that happens, it’s terrible, I get that.
So I’ve had the option to go to a doctor who I’ve visited before and REALLY dislike, or nothing at all. I’ve been mostly ok, so I’ve ran with nothing.
However, starting a new job, and knowing the warm weather mania is just around the corner, and terrified that it will be even worse this year, I know I need to be seeing someone. Add in the blow to my ego, losing my job, and the fear that I won’t be able to support my family, and I know I need to talk to someone.
Feeling so completely isolated being at home with just my kids, who are slowly driving me completely insane, isn’t helping either. It’s so bloody lonely.
So I finally call, and ask, nicely, if I could see someone OTHER than the doctor who will only make things worse. I’m pleasantly surprised to hear someone callback.
“We have an appointment for you!” she says, happily
“great-I hope it’s for 4pm, since I’m starting a new job and can’t take time off unless I’m having a limb amputated.”
There’s a giant pause on the other end, then a song and dance about how the doctor doesn’t usually work that late (“She’s never here til 5″) and how, seeing as I’m a transfer from another doctor, she’s not sure….the implied message being, as always, that I should be grateful for what I’m getting.*
These doctors, they always talk about how important it is that you function as part of society, have a job, etc, but they fail to comprehend how their bankers hours can impact someone who has to be at their job. There seems to be a blatant disregard for the mental patient’s job or life. My previous doctor would routinely be late, and one day, after waiting 40 minutes (longer than I would ultimately even see her) I mentioned it. She replied “My time is valuable too.”
Like mine isn’t. Like my employer at the time allowing me what ended up being 3 hours off, with pay, wasn’t time that was valuable.
You can’t win. You want treatment? You better take our hours. But you aren’t better until you’re stable, holding a job, have some friends. How dare you try and exist as other people do. You’re sick in the head. You’re different. You’ll jump when I tell you.
It shouldn’t be this way.