The sound of my brain clapping.

5 Jan
  • Comments are closed on the previous post. I think both sides have been covered, and without much venom. Thank you for both sides-and yes, I read both. I will no longer be twittering, since apparently CONTEXT is a lost art.
  • However, the point about caution-taken.
  • I understand the concern, but please find me cases where parents have BLOGGED, TWEETED or facebooked abuse prior to doing it. If you found some weird ass search I get it, but this? Doubtful. BETTER LIVING THROUGH SARCASM.
  • To the commentator who congratulated me on the traffic-oh goodie! All kinds of people who’ll read one post and leave. Golly woo. I’m thrilled.
  • Those of you who have now followed me on twitter to watch for another trainwreck-don’t bother. I’m not usually trainwrecky. Annoying, whiny and as one thread said “like a desperate housewife, but fat and ugly.” Totally me.
  • I am still very angry that someone could take the time to locate my address, and yet not read through a little for some context.  If I’m truly worried about someone, I do some research first, and maybe reach out. I also wait more than an hour on a Sunday night. I stop and think first.
  • What’s TOTALLY awesome is that this turns into “OOOH! MOMMYBLOGGER DRAMA!” Actually, I blog more about dealing with bipolar disorder and the effect on PARENTING MY CHILDREN-I’m not a “mommy”. I’m a working mother trying to work through a disorder.

I am a good parent who gets very frustrated sometimes, living in a house that’s more Terry Pratchett than Danielle Steel. I am HONEST about my struggles with parenting, with the honest day to day tedium involved, and yes, sometimes I will say things that to people who watch Fox news, may not be easy to relate to or funny. I get that.

Read the categories dedicated to my daughters. Read the posts about fighting with my illness. Read a little before you judge based on less than 140 characters.

Should I have written something like that? Obviously not. Do I feel bad? No, I don’t. Because I WOULD’T DO IT. But I will now be paranoid that any little piece of honesty I write can possibly have my children taken away from me, something I fear constantly as it is since the world doesn’t tend to have a rosy view of people battling mental illness. Thinks people with cancer are just swell though.

So I’m angry, and insulted and annoyed, as I likely will be for a very long time. Shuttering the blog Hannah-I don’t know. At least now I have an excuse to shut down “micro-blogging”. I still need my space, a space not populated by people who snap to judgement based on what they think they see.

Maybe I should just start talking nonsense so there’s more bullshit and fake honesty in the world. Maybe my love shouldn’t be tempered and formed by reality.

Maybe I should just be more careful who I let into my world.

I like the sound of that one.

 

Most accurate, to me at least, is the assessment Jai makes in the last comment on the last post. I am NOT a bad mother, not matter how high your horse is ladies.

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95 Responses to “The sound of my brain clapping.”

  1. Jennifer January 5, 2009 at 9:41 am #

    Trainwreck is right. Holy hell.

    I’ve learned that the internets do not have a sense of humor. Remember? I lost a job because of my sense of humor and honesty when it comes to my life. People take everything out of context. People are stupid sheep that beleive everything they see on fox and beleive it to be an un-biased news source. That included blogs and tweets.

    You’ve been to the states. To watch their news is to take a bath in negativity…to beleive that the sky is indeed falling, and that their neighbors are just counting the minutes before they can steal their stuff. I cannot imagine living in a world like that.

    However, I’d like to think that I *know* you. I know the style of your humor. When you get dark, it’s freaking black as pitch and it pretty much oozes off the page. I took action last year when you got serious about ending your life. I knew then you were being “real” with those emotions and I needed to do something about it.

    I also knew when I saw the tweet about smothering your kid that you were JOKING. You were frustrated. As it turns out, when you tweeted that my own 2.5 year old was screaming from her bed “no bed! No BED!”. I thought about duct tape, thought about a full body cast.

    On the flip side though – my mom was mentally ill and did indeed try to end my life at least twice that I know of. I had many other serious illnesses that were not the common flu and the doctors could not figure out why I was sick. She tried to stab me, and on another occasion she poisoned me. Oh, and then there was the time that I tried to commit suicide and she pretty much helped me take the medication. She denies everything though, no blogging for her.

    I’ve been starting to limit what I say on the blog and via tweeting. Closing ranks as they say. I’ve also been purging what I read on my bloglines. Too much self absorbed crap out there.

    I don’t know what else to tell you.

  2. thordora January 5, 2009 at 9:46 am #

    that’s funny-the cop actually said “Well, you know what they’re like down there-it’s everywhere.” He was nice as pie and actually upped my opinion of the local force, especially when, after viewing the girls (stomach, it burns) said “I have some that age-I know the feeling.”

    EVEN THE COP GOT IT.

    I know I’ve helped people feel less alone because I DON’T usually limit myself. But now…now I don’t know. I do know that any twittering will now become ASSHOLE twittering, for the sheer joy.

    I know writing that in THAT space was wrong. But so was calling the FUCKING COPS to feel rightous about one’s self. This is how abuse, real abuse is never seen. because when the neighbour is busy diddling your kid, you’re staring at someone else making shit up.

    Ugh. 2 hours sleep last night, and today is my heavy day at work. If this DOESN’T spin into mania, I’ll be impressed. Guess I can thank her for that as well.

    Thanks Jen. I know you’ve been there. In SPADES.

  3. Mad January 5, 2009 at 10:42 am #

    Hey Thor,
    A lot has panned out since I went to bed last night right after hearing the news. I don’t quite know what to say that Hannah hasn’t said already.

    The lesson I take from all this is indeed to close ranks. Those of us who have met you and who have been reading you for some time knew what was what. Strangers didn’t. Strangers also did not act in the best possible manner by calling the authorities and beyond the framework of simply alerting the authorities.

    Blogging has been and is a community for me. I will not stop blogging. Twitter is a means of staying in touch with that already established community. I will not quit Twitter. Like you and like Hannah, though, I will block all followers that I have not established a strong rapport with. An easy lesson for me. I just wish it didn’t have to be such a bitter lesson for you.

    The only plus to this situation is that you now know who is batting for you out there. Am hoping that if something truly bad ever happens to me, I’ll have Hannah at my back.

    All the best, hon.

  4. Meagan January 5, 2009 at 10:58 am #

    I don’t know you at all, but I really regret that this happened. I have been extremely disturbed by the situation since I read the first “call to twitter-action” in my timeline last night. As somebody said, there is a lot of room between doing nothing and gross overreaction. Though I’m sure the person who did this thought they were doing the right thing, it would have been wiser to step away from the computer and use their brain instead of running to twitter friends for backup and frenzy-building. I am also extremely disturbed at how your openness about your bipolar disorder is getting tossed around as a reason for suspecting you of wanting to cause actual harm to your daughter. Does admission of mental illness automatically make somebody’s tweets more suspect than another person’s? Does bipolar disorder turn mothers into likely murderers?

    I’ll admit, the rawness of your tweet made me cringe, but I never for a second thought you were actually considering harming your daughter. It just seemed like a joke in poor taste…of course, I had almost, half an hour earlier, tweeted that I wanted to flush my kid down the toilet. Would that have also sent up alarm bells throughout twitterdom?

    This all could have been done privately if there was a real concern–no need to drag your name through the mud. This is how angry mobs and tempests in teapots are made.

    I am glad that (it seems) nobody was actually able to get through to child protective services, as that would probably have caused a lot more long-term grief for you.

  5. Kathyp January 5, 2009 at 11:12 am #

    I’ve been away from my computer for a while nursing a cold, unaware of what went on — but I’ve long been convinced Twitter does more harm than good. (Why mine is now private and I no longer feel guilty about “un-following” people.)

    If you need to close things up for a while, or least make things private, by all means do. Sometimes it’s the only choice.

  6. Hannah January 5, 2009 at 11:12 am #

    I’m so glad that you posted today – I’m not sure I’d have been brave enough, had this happened to me.

    If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t sleep much last night either. I kept thinking of all the times I’ve posted about wanting to sell my kids on eBay, and thanking my lucky stars that no one has taken any of those comments out of context.

    Whatever you decide to do, there are those of us that are with you.

  7. bromac January 5, 2009 at 11:41 am #

    Thor,

    I have been away, on a much needed vacation. I am so fucking sorry that this happened. Anyone who knew you would clearly know you were not only simply blowing off steam, but also being completely honest and open about the frustrations of parenting.

    Damn, dude, so sorry.

  8. Eden January 5, 2009 at 12:05 pm #

    “I am a good parent who gets very frustrated sometimes, living in a house that’s more Terry Pratchett than Danielle Steel.”

    Bugger all that. Let’s curse somebody!

  9. TC January 5, 2009 at 12:09 pm #

    Interesting stuff. I have a son who has bipolar disorder. I know him very well. If he wrote, “if I smother my 3 year old, who will NOT GO TO FUCKING SLEEP, is it REALLY a crime?” I would move immediately to serious intervention.

    If it takes “knowing you” to understand your peculiar brand of “funny,” should you really be broadcasting it? I don’t know you at all. But I know humor, I know sarcasm, I know wit. That post is none of the above.

    Screaming “f-bombs” from a harried mother just don’t look funny. Sorry, but you missed the mark by a huge margin. Stupid begets stupid.

  10. thordora January 5, 2009 at 12:14 pm #

    Fair enough. But also remember. Not everyone is you, or your son. Which is why I’m blocking everyone I don’t personally know on Twitter later today.

    And I’m sorry if I don’t fit your idea of a mother. There’s the door.

  11. bromac January 5, 2009 at 12:21 pm #

    And I can’t get on that bitch’s website today for some reason. I want to do so badly I can’t stand it. I am so pissed for you that I can’t see straight.

  12. Emma January 5, 2009 at 12:27 pm #

    Unfortunately, I’m not unfamiliar with people inserting themselves into my real life simply because they read my blog. Oddly, we both seem to have attracted freaks due to our use of hyperbole, sarcasm, and/or dark humor.

    I believe the person who escalated your tweet to DEFCON 1 is like my stalkers – there must be constant drama in their lives and if there isn’t any, they must create it… she who is not in the midst of a drama just is not happy. Or she’s just your run-of-the-mill asswipe. It’s the internets…who really knows?

    I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now, as well as following you on Twitter. Last night, when I read the tweet in question, I had no worries that you were serious. None. And if I had been worried, I think I could have come up with a different way to handle it, other than contacting Twitter and/or getting local authorities involved. If she could follow your links to your amazon account, she certainly could have followed links to find some people who know you better than she does.

  13. Christine January 5, 2009 at 12:46 pm #

    I would like to ask to follow you on twitter, I almost followed you on twitter last night when I first saw the tweet from @Feelslikehome, just because I thought she was totally wrong about you and your post. Personally, it’s not even dark humor, it’s parent humor.

    what surprised me most about all this is how it escalated over night. I feel badly, because when I first saw her tweet saying how horrible yours was, I was going to tell her that it wasn’t horrible, just a parent of a toddler. But figured she was just over reacting and it would blow away soon. I didn’t realize the hurricane of emotion effect that twitter had on some people!

    I am very sorry I didn’t stand up for you and defend you last night. There’s been plenty of time that I’ve said the same sort of thing about my sons, and I can assure you they are still alive and kicking. Any reasonable person would know that wasn’t serious, just frustration with a child not going to bed. But I can see that some people have a hard time staying reasonable with other people egging them on. I am terribly sorry this happened to you!

    I’ve followed you, but will totally understand you not wanting to keep on anyone you don’t personally know. I ust hope you know that not everyone on twitter agrees with her actions! My twitter name is @wyndsong

  14. Bon January 5, 2009 at 12:46 pm #

    wow. go to bed early and run around all morning with the shorties and miss all hell breaking loose. Thor, i’m sorry. unnecessary DEFCON madness sounds un-fun. hyperbole and better living through sarcasm is how you express yourself and any of us who KNOW you knew not to take the tweet as anything but blowing off steam….when you really are in trouble, you’ve always been unflinchingly honest and straight about asking for help. i respect that.

    i think you’re right, context is a dying art, itself smothering b/c in a drama llama world where people feed themselves on adrenalin news the urge to pass judgement and fan flames sometimes gets lauded/confused with a desire to help.

    sending you a big old hug and a stiff drink.

  15. Cerra January 5, 2009 at 12:52 pm #

  16. Andrea January 5, 2009 at 1:21 pm #

    I’m still pissed for you.

    I just cannot understand anyone who took your post seriously, whether they know you or not. Hello: the clear and obvious answer to “is it homicide if I smother my kid” is “YES,” not “go for it!” In other words, the way you framed your question made it perfectly clear that you knew smothering was not an option, that it was wrong, and thus a joke.

    And anyone who doesn’t understand that having police investigate suspicions of child abuse is not a “minor inconvenience” is obviously so out of touch with reality that they are incapable of understanding the inappropriateness of their actions. You are right: if they stopped looking for subtexts in tweets, or micro-parsing 140-character sentences from strangers looking for reasons to feel important and superior, they might find a few kids being actually abused by their parents in their own neighbourhoods, where context can be assessed and the proper authoriteis notified. As it is, this was just a long-distance missile launched without any consequences or accountability.

  17. superlagirl January 5, 2009 at 2:13 pm #

    Wow. The internet is dumb.

    Just to clarify to anyone who was worried: Last week, when I said my head was full of cement, it was really just snot that had me feeling all congested. Also, I once said that my younger daughter was the embodiment of pure evil. She’s not really. And also? I’ve never actually endorsed anyone fucking Jesus Christ on a cracker. Be ye not afraid.

  18. Jason Dufair January 5, 2009 at 2:24 pm #

    Yeah, context is a bitch. I’ve not been totally wowed by twitter. I’ll probably stop. Facebook updates are good and you get a lot of control about who reads what with Facebook. Even with Facebook and/or blogs, the access control is not that fine grained. That’s one reason I have an anonymous blog. I think we all need two online presences, perhaps.

    I concur with Andrea’s analysis above. The phrasing of the tweet made the sarcasm obvious to me. But there is certainly no shortage of people for whom the subtleties of language are just missed.

    Sorry you got raked over the coals. You’re an awesome mom. That’s something I know. Not only to your own kids, but by way of example for my kids too. Keep on pluggin’

  19. superlagirl January 5, 2009 at 4:02 pm #

    I keep thinking about this, and it just makes me more and more angry.

    For one, would this have EVER happened to a man? I doubt it. It’s a-ok for fathers to say shit like that, but mommies? Oh noes! Think of the children!

    For two, WTF is up with all the mad haters? Speaking as a mother who has literally been psychotic in the past, stop invoking the Psychotic Mother, lest you earn my wrath.*

    Really, Thor, I am amazed at how well you have handled this. I would have been thoroughly triggered and climbing the walls by now. I don’t know if this is psychophobia wrapped up in misogyny, or sexism with a sweet disablism candy coating. Either way, it sucks and I’m sorry it happened to you. I’m glad to hear you’re going to keep writing. There aren’t a lot of openly mad mothers writing in the blogosphere. It would be our loss if you stopped.

    *Just a joke.

  20. Helen January 5, 2009 at 4:17 pm #

    Has anyone else noticed that Tara, the woman who caused all this grief to Thordora, seems to be erasing all comments to her website? I know that I, for one, posted a gently rebuking message to Tara on her blog, for all the trouble she has caused – and she apparently deleted it. The only comment she left up was a sickeningly sweet one by a friend labeled “Blessed with Grace.” Dear God.

    This woman clearly does not have much forethought or much honesty (as Hannah pointed out earlier). It seems SHE is far more dangerous to society than Thordora is.

  21. Rachel January 5, 2009 at 4:20 pm #

    Some people just crave drama, and will stop at nothing until they’ve created lots of entertainment for themselves. Sarcasm makes the world a much richer place. 🙂

  22. stephanie January 5, 2009 at 4:40 pm #

    Wow. You all are making a mountain out a of a molehill and vilifying someone who didn’t even have bad intentions. Oh so frickin sorry you had to get out of bed at 11 pm! Oh, the horrors of having the police come by to do their duty. Don’t blame that on the lady anyway, it was Twitter who contacted the po po, wasn’t it? What a pathetic pity party this is, with all you people badmouthing this Tara person who Thor called out. Whose life is being f’d with now? Why not take some of your own medicine here and leave the lady alone. Yall are screaming and kicking about something that isn’t even a big deal. Drama indeed.

  23. Mad Hatter January 5, 2009 at 4:52 pm #

    Well you see, Stephanie, it is a big deal. Tara likely spent her day feeling badly about the whole affair. Thor spent her day fearing she might lose her kids. This is so much bigger than a simple late night knock on the door by a cop.

    I also don’t see a pity party or a group vilification going on. I do think Tara acted with the best of intentions. I also think she didn’t stop long enough to think before she acted. Actions have consequences. I hope that the consequences stop here with a silly bunch of blog posts and tweets. That would be the ideal happy ending.

    In the meantime, I am reading and making sure my friend, who is devastated and scared, knows that she is supported.

  24. Meagan January 5, 2009 at 5:07 pm #

    I don’t think anyone really knows who contacted the police, but according to tweets I read, there were several people talking about doing it, and more than one attempted call to CPS.

  25. Kimberly January 5, 2009 at 5:11 pm #

    I was going to come out of semi-retirement to comment to Stephanie, but Mad Hatter said it at least as well as I could have, so there’s really not need.

    Except…the seal is broken, so here goes. Tara is an idiot. And a big baby if she’s whining about the internets calling HER out for her posting behaviour.

    I think the worst thing here is how fucking insulting it is to Thor–seriously, only a fucking moron would tweet their murder plans. And Thor is many things, but she’s not a moron. Tara, however? Well, only a fucking moron would believe that someone would tweet their murder plans, so……

  26. Ashlee January 5, 2009 at 5:19 pm #

    Huzzah, I’ve been introduced to your blog from the chaos that was your Twitter, Tweet, Twat? I know not. I don’t use the site. However, I love your humor and wit in the face of such absurdity. I commend you for staying brave and knowing that your merit as a mother will never be measured by assholes on the internet. Screw all of them. I’m adding you to my blog feed. *Smooches!*

  27. stephanie January 5, 2009 at 5:48 pm #

    Mad Hatter, Kimberly,

    Fucking moron, idiot, big baby, immature, bitch, psychotic…. no, you’re right, there’s no group vilification at all.

    I would be a little mad if I was in Thor’s place. But I wouldn’t do this to some person who didn’t mean harm. I’m not sure how you both don’t see it, it’s all here in the comments over two blog posts now. There’s just no need for such meanness.

    What I see going on here is people rallying to badmouth Tara when she has clearly apologized. The ‘consequences’ are disproportionate to the ‘crime.’

  28. nessa January 5, 2009 at 5:54 pm #

    Holy fuck, thor! I am just catching up. What a bunch of self-righteous drivel from the oh-so-caring internets. I am so surrounded by funny, down to earth moms… I forget what all the “good mothers” are like, I guess.

    *HUGS* xoxoxoxo

    (Thank God my facebook status is private…)

  29. sheilah January 5, 2009 at 6:01 pm #

    As someone who has had CPS sicced on me because they (our neighbors) did not like how my husband dressed, you have my sympathy.

    Assholes (I got the joke…even though I don’t read your blog much…).

  30. d_S January 5, 2009 at 6:07 pm #

    I’m fairly certain that the twitter overlords did NOT call the cops. Particularly after @Al3x’s reply to @feelslikehome which I will reprint here and provide the link to:

    Alex Payne
    al3x @Feelslikehome To protect the child from sarcasm? You can email abuse@twitter.com if you think there’s a genuine problem.

    Even the twitter gods could figure out that this was a sarcastic remark and not a cause for dire escalation just some dramaqueen getting trying to play the internet white knight and make herself look good when the situation CLEARLY did not call for it.

  31. d_S January 5, 2009 at 6:10 pm #

    Ps. the Road to Hell? Yeah, that’s the road that is paved with “good intentions”.

  32. Ms. H January 5, 2009 at 6:25 pm #

    I just found your blog…and TOTALLY identify with sarcastic humor (I teach high school English. nuf said.) So, even though it was this ridiculous drama that brought me here, I have added you to my google reader and CAN’T WAIT to read thru your archives!!

  33. Jason January 5, 2009 at 8:04 pm #

    Emoticons are widely used in IM programs to show emotion. Seems as if your tweet was taken at face value. I see nothing wrong with what Tara did.

    “Sarcasm is proverbially said to be the lowest form of wit.”

    • thordora January 5, 2009 at 8:20 pm #

      NO SHIT. Lesson learned.

      So people, when I tweet that I’m going to blow something up, you’ll know I’m just joking cause there’ll be a smiley. 😛

      Just kidding. I’m kicking myself because I THOUGHT the damn thing, and didn’t use it.

  34. Kimberly January 5, 2009 at 8:20 pm #

    Tara is an idiot.

    And the idea that a stupid smiley face would have made the whole thing ok makes me sad/embarrassed for what our culture has become.

    Apparently, we are a civilization of boobs…..

  35. thordora January 5, 2009 at 8:37 pm #

    And oh, I like boobies.

  36. Hannah January 5, 2009 at 8:39 pm #

    I like boobies, too.

    Notice my lack of emoticon usage.

    That’s because I am DEADLY SERIOUS about liking boobies.

  37. Kimberly January 5, 2009 at 9:11 pm #

    My boobies are awesome (I mean, did you SEE that dress, Thor?) and I love them. I’m less a fan of boobs, though.

    (do I need a winky? do you all get the context without the magically contextualizing winky?)

  38. thordora January 5, 2009 at 9:13 pm #

    I dunno…my big fat migraine from grinding my teeth and not eating all day head is a bit dense….and focused on boobs.

  39. anon January 5, 2009 at 9:14 pm #

    *snort* I know for a fact it wasn’t Tara that got through. It was someone who didn’t even tweet about it. There were far more people that were concerned than just those that tweeted.

    Tara felt badly about the whole thing before the police got called and was going back and forth and trying to figure out if there was serious intent or if it was just a mother blowing off steam, and did NOT want to call anyone. She was torn between feeling like crap for not calling and feeling like crap if she were able to call, and wrestling with which option was the lesser evil. This was not a quick decision for her, although it’s easy to just portray her as someone that pulled the trigger too fast.

    Frankly, the police should be called whenever a threat is being made. Not a threat that is most obviously joking or non-dangerous such as “sell the child on eBay” (eBay would step in if there was such an auction). Wouldn’t you be disturbed if someone posted something about hacking a child’s head of with a machete? Guess what, smothering is just as violent and non-funny.

    A swear-filled question that contains a graphic and frankly non-funny method of killing ones child? Not so obvious humor. Especially when, upon reading back, there are frequent posts about killing ones kids (such as one made on New Years). Going back and forth from love letters to violent death wishes IS a cause for concern.

  40. d_S January 5, 2009 at 9:22 pm #

    hee hee. “swear-filled”

  41. thordora January 5, 2009 at 9:23 pm #

    oh, did she feel badly before or after she retweeted to EVERYONE SHE KNEW? Was that before or after she DM’d or emailed me…or RIGHT! She didn’t do those things!

    While I wrote something retarded, she set into a motion that could get my children removed and through my home into utter chaos. Did she consider contacting any of the regulars on this site who may know how to DIRECTLY reach me? No-because I doubt she’s ever even read anything on this site.

    It is easy to portray her in a certain light-just like I’ve been portrayed as some fucking idiot mother who doesn’t want her children. Which couldn’t be farther from the truth. HAD she DM’d me, I could have had a small giggle, TOTALLY understood the concern, reassured her and pulled the tweet.

    However, tweeting at someone and FREAKING THE FUCK OUT PUBLICLY a few moments later does not help.

    And using two tweets within over 1k as an example tells me you very much are NOT someone who should be reading me. Nor obviously is Tara, who decided to follow a stranger, and then decided to set a chain of events into motion that are very baseless and hurtful. What she did was NOT some kind of innocent act.

    I didn’t want any of this. I regret writing that, as I love my kids. And you “anon” are in absolutely NO position to judge anything I do. I know I am MUCH healthier with my children than many “perfect” mothers.

    Reality. It’s a bitch.

  42. Mad Hatter January 5, 2009 at 9:33 pm #

    Stephanie: Just a quick follow-up. After Thor’s entirely justified f-bomb outburst on Twitter last night shortly after being humiliated for an ill-considered tweet, she has conducted herself with respect and dignity. Sure there has been some name calling in the comments here but it has not been from Thor nor did she put out a group vilification call to any of her readers. She can’t be expected to take ownership of what her commenters say. You will also notice that if you look closely at this community of support, most of us have resorted to compassion and logic rather than name calling.

    I also have looked for evidence of Tara apologizing to no avail. She has expressed a politician’s apology of the I-am-sorry-that-you-feel-you-have-to-resort-to-dark-humour sort but she has not publicly apologized for defaming Thor nor for jeopardizing Thor’s relationship to her kids without looking deeper first. Instead, all I have seen of her tweets today was glee that she snagged more followers. No, I will not vilify this woman but I certainly would like her to acknowledge that if put in this situation again, she would act differently.

    Thor has been through enough. She is shaken pretty badly and those of us who know her and her life history know just how harmful this has been to her. I suggest you back off and leave her alone. She doesn’t need to be belittled in her own space.

  43. L.Marie January 5, 2009 at 10:01 pm #

    Trust me… You’re not alone in your venting and frustrations as a working parent! Sounds to me like someone had a little too much time on their hands! I feel for you in this situation, because I’d be ready to fight the person that falsely turned me in.

    My heart goes out to you and your situation. However, always know that 9 times out of 10; there will be more people FOR your than AGAINST you! BTW… Go back to Twitter and let Little Miss Barney Fife go kick rocks!!! :o)

  44. Hannah January 5, 2009 at 10:26 pm #

    Well said, Mad.

  45. Emma January 5, 2009 at 10:39 pm #

    Stephanie… perhaps I can explain the difference to you. Tara inserted herself into Thordora’s Real Life by taking action that could have led to Thordora’s children being yanked out of their home (do you people understand how devastating that is to a child?), whereas the people calling Tara names in these comments are doing just that…calling someone names. Most of us learned to deal with name-calling in the third grade.

    Invading someone’s Real Life for no good reason (as many of us have said, there were other options Tara could have chosen before calling the cops) is just a tad different than calling someone an idiot or an asswipe on-line.

    Hurt Feelings v. Destroyed Life. Yeah, that’s quite the comparison there.

    And, sweet tap dancing Jesus, what is with people not getting hyperbole? When I say, for instance, “stick that finger in my face again and you’ll be pulling back a bloody stump,” do you REALLY think I would bite your finger off? Really?

  46. Emma January 5, 2009 at 10:41 pm #

    Oh, and Thordora, for movies, I’m suggesting Little Miss Sunshine or The Big Night.

  47. Her Bad Mother January 5, 2009 at 10:48 pm #

    Holy mary mother of FUCK. I’m almost sorta glad I missed this play out because, seriously. I’ll just echo what Kate said to your last post: we are all – all we bad mothers – wishing that we could SMOTHER this business with common sense.

  48. L January 5, 2009 at 11:22 pm #

    http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_kmafp/is_200404/ai_kepm446063

    This made me think of an article (linked above) of some poor parents who were investigated because they jokingly put their daughter for sale on ebay. It was obviously not serious, based on the description given, but of course people have to overreact and freak out.

  49. amy January 5, 2009 at 11:47 pm #

    Followed this through from Tertia’s site. I’m so very sorry you’ve had to deal with this. People suck. It’s my mantra! It’s what gets me through, and I hate to say that it’s true. Gah. Hang in there (from one bi-polar to another?), there will be an up after the down.

  50. Alphabetfiend January 6, 2009 at 12:05 am #

    Calling CPS on a family is something that comes with great responsibility. This Tara person was reckless and is a glutton for attention.

    All that gossipy drama was about waving a “Lookie me! I’m better than thee!” flag and not about doing right by an endangered child. Being a hit-happy harpy was more important to her than any actual acts of concern and kindness (which she only feigns to feel.)

    She has too much frivolous time on her hands to be the “good mother” she claims to be. Tweet-tweeting around cyber space, sending out a sicko SOS? Turn off the computer & hang up the phone. Stop watching Nancy Grace squawk on TV. Bathe the babes, coddle them with comfort, read a book or two or three. Put your energy into your own home instead of sending chaotic energy into the homes and hearts of others.

    I simply don’t buy the good intentions crap. It was mean-spirited and there was a public finger pointing that reveals something dark and gross. As for the villification? Well, that’s to be expected when you beam with a lookie-me leer or self-aggrandizing smirk. Some people are bound to recoil because they recognize what lies beneath the drama. So some see you as a villian because they heard you cackle. Thoradora wasn’t the only one who may have bared too much of her self. Thoradora has her repercussions and you, Tara, have yours. It’s unsavory and even unkind but it’s on YOU. Are you a comic book villian who turns people to ashes or stone? No. You’re more pedestrian, a Little House on the Prairie villain — Harriet Olson spying/prying/listening to folks on the phone and then spreading seeds of strife while her own child, the detestable Nellie Olson, is left to become her own defensive and insecure villian.
    Hate begets hate.

    Say what you will but that was not an act of love. Any tears shed were from the eye of the storm. And THAT is why people are so freaked out. Cause it’s creepy.

  51. Melissia January 6, 2009 at 12:27 am #

    I am new to your blog, brought over by Tertia and I have to say that I will be staying. Not because I am hoping for a trainwreck, but because my own mom was bipolar in the days before meds and my daughter was recently diagnosed and she longs to be a mom. I know that it will be a struggle, but humor and self awareness, and support will be the things that will make it possible. You obviously have those things in spades and from what I have read so far are doing a great job as a mother, irregardless of what that woman may think.

  52. charlotteotter January 6, 2009 at 1:42 am #

    Well done, Thor, for handling this crap situation with dignity and honesty. Also glad to hear you won’t be shutting up shop here – I am one of many mothers who appreciate your brand of humour. I’d rather be here reading your frank take on parenthood than at most mommy blogs where it’s all sunshine and roses.

  53. charlotteotter January 6, 2009 at 1:43 am #

    Oh also, I never got Twitter. Now I know why.

  54. SaintBoogie January 6, 2009 at 4:18 am #

    As someone who suffers from depression, and often feels like i’m missing something as I watch my 3yo nephew grow (cuz sometimes the stubborness just ain’t funny) I applaud your courage.

  55. Kimberly January 6, 2009 at 10:17 am #

    OMG….I want to have alphabetfiend’s babies now. And I’m a slutty single mama, so you know that’s no idle statement!

  56. thordora January 6, 2009 at 10:25 am #

    I just kinda want it to all fly away myself.

  57. Jen January 6, 2009 at 10:58 am #

    Dude, Thor, this is like EZ Board level drama. I feel like I’m 25 again!
    Seriously, this is fucked up shit. I guess some people will stop at nothing to get folks to look at them. Much love and all hopes this has blown over a bit or will soon.
    For movies–you have Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, right? I could watch that all damn day. For music–my new favorite is Dr. Dog. Seriously good shit.

  58. Gabriel... January 6, 2009 at 1:27 pm #

    I removed the hotlink to what’s-her-name’s blog from my post. But I left a cold one. I feel like there’s context or something needed… but right now I have to go to the bank, go buy bacon, then come home and fall into a coma.

    Thor… you know how easily I can find “stuff” on the web. I’m pretty sure you don’t want what I’ve found, and wouldn’t use any of it… but, if you ever need the comfort of having them at your fingertips, just let me know.

    I’m going to post something later on… like on the weekend when I wake up, about how to keep yourself private while blogging. Basically a tutorial on how to avoid trolls, and how to make sure you can’t be tracked by crazed tweeters. It’ll be something what’s-her-name could probably learn from as well.

  59. IdeaGal January 6, 2009 at 1:30 pm #

    Here’s a thought: Maybe you raise the level of your humor a bit … try to make it actually, you know, funny.

    Screaming f-bombs are just plain stupid, no matter how many of your moron friends (see above) find them oh-so clever and witty.

    Were you, Thor, a tad less stupid and immature, this all would have been avoided.

    Now – all you smart, enlightened supporters – let’s see those f-bombs! And by all means, please call me names.

  60. thordora January 6, 2009 at 1:45 pm #

    Yes, cause the level of discourse is always raised by someone stating the obvious.

    Some people GASP! CURSE. HORRORS! I know all the adjectives I could use, and I DO use them, all over the place.

    I hate slapstick. I hate people who blog obsessively about cleaning things and telling little tee hee jesus jokes because I think it’s the sign of a limited intellect. However, I rarely go around spouting that because it’s, you know, rude and stuff and I was raised better than that.

    Live my life, and then you can have every right to call me names. I’ll concede the tweet-blast me for that all you want.

    But take your high horse, and place it right back on your own face. I won’t censor you now. But going forward, be damned sure I will faceless person.

    And trust me. I really don’t think I’m funny. But thanks for playing. I forgot it’s trollbait day.

    And thanks but no Gabe. I’m not that kind of girl.

  61. thordora January 6, 2009 at 1:46 pm #

    And do you actually work at Best Buy? Does that suck as much as I think it does? cause dude, minimum wage sucked as far as I can remember.

  62. Gabriel... January 6, 2009 at 1:54 pm #

    “I’m not that kind of girl.”

    I wish you were because, when it comes to crap like what’s-her-name and her twitter-minions are throwing, I’m that kind of guy.

    I love how access to the Internet allows people with ironic usernames to feel like they can sit around judging people all day, like they’ve been invited into our lives by virtue of dialup.

  63. Kimberly January 6, 2009 at 2:11 pm #

    Gabriel, if you want to float any of that info MY way, I’d be HAPPY to be that kind of girl. In fact, I put the blog link in ONLY for that reason…..

  64. Therapist January 6, 2009 at 2:17 pm #

    A word on context: Your bio says that you suffer from bi-polar disorder and “eat lithium.” Your earlier tweets that evening stated that you were feeling like you had to DO something and spoke quite a bit about the manic state you were in. Moments later you wrote about the desire to smother your child who wouldn’t sleep. Those of us in mental health know that the potential for harm WAS there. You wrote that people don’t blog about hurting their child before they do it. No, but they make similar comments to yours, often to strangers.

    While we throw around the word sarcasm, let’s also take a moment and really focus on the word context.

    Best wishes to you on your journey with bi-polar disorder. I lost my best friend to it in 2004, and yes, she made similar comments on similar forums, only about harming herself. And she’s gone now. I sincerely wish you much better success in treatment and in life.

  65. thordora January 6, 2009 at 2:41 pm #

    Last time I checked with my doctor and therapist, a little more than armchair supposition is used. I said I wanted to do something. as in, gee, I’d like to go have a beer or gee, go to a movie.

    I also mention lithium because I’m TREATED. HELLO.

    For the record my tweets for the period immediately prior to the post that I deleted which THE WORLD knows about

    : @cerra WOO! 9:19 PM Jan 4th from web in reply to cerra

    @andrea_mcd I’m just always amazed at how long she can talk without breathing. 7:25 PM Jan 4th from web in reply to andrea_mcd

    @andrea_mcd perhaps her and Vivian could have a play date and we could see who outtalks who 7:08 PM Jan 4th from web in reply to andrea_mcd

    Kiss Kiss Bang Bang got my husband to admit RDJ IS a hottie. SCORE! 3:37 PM Jan 4th from web

    @kellygo and thanks for your advice about that other thing. It’s keeping me (mostly) sane. 11:33 AM Jan 4th from web in reply to kellygo

    @kellygo worse case scenario, the decline the request-no harm, no foul. I’ve done it and been pleasantly surprised. 🙂 11:33 AM Jan 4th from web in reply to kellygo

    twitchy feeling of wanting to DO something. Dreamed all night I lost my bag (pursey thing). SUCKED. 11:06 AM Jan 4th from web

    @sethsimonds July. Pillaging a friend’s mother’s garden. Still eating them from my freezer. 🙂 11:03 AM Jan 4th from web in reply to sethsimonds

    @2shadows @cribchronicles I took mine down and thought “gee, doesn’t look like Wal-Mart in here anymore. 🙂 But I’m a snot. 5:11 PM Jan 3rd from web in reply to 2shadows

    I love the smell of self-rightousness in the afternoon. 4:37 PM Jan 3rd from web

    Value Village for books=WIN. 2:26 PM Jan 3rd from web

    going to bed now-hoping I don’t dream about pink lipstick and frosted tips @eringoblog 11:42 PM Jan 2nd from web

    Dear yuppies. Blocking the entire aisle in the grocery store does NOT make you cool. It makes you ANNOYING like the old ladies. 11:27 PM Jan 2nd from web

    SCARY STUFF INDEED! I need an intervention.

    Honey-I’ve been in bad places, and NOT said anything. THOSE are the times that are problems, something that no doctor I’ve ever met seems to understand.

    Would we prefer-bipolar and loving it? Bipolar and unmedicated for kicks? Bipolar and in treatment-we must assume something is wrong.

    NEWSFLASH. NORMAL PEOPLE HURT THEIR KIDS MUCH MUCH MORE OFTEN. But that isn’t quite as catchy.

    For the 450th FUCKING TIME-I WROTE SOMETHING STUPID. We’re aware of that. Armchair psychiatry aside, wake up. I am HUMAN. last time I checked, even the mentally ill are allowed THAT concession.

    If she was TRULY CONCERNED, an EMAIL would have sufficed. Not hunting for my address, tweeting everyone she knew, and sitting back pretending she’s done nothing.

    I’m sorry about your friend. Unlike her, I AM in treatment because I’m away of the realities of my diease and life. Which is WHY I am VERy honest online. Because someone needs to speak for those of us who most people would rather smother.

  66. charmingdriver January 6, 2009 at 2:45 pm #

    ”Your earlier tweets that evening stated that you were feeling like you had to DO something and spoke quite a bit about the manic state you were in. Moments later you wrote about the desire to smother your child who wouldn’t sleep. ”

    MOMENTS later? Try HOURS later. The wanting to DO something tweet was approx 10-11 hrs earlier. Know how I know? B/c I replied to it and it’s in MY twitter timeline. Check it out, oh great checker of facts.

    ”Now – all you smart, enlightened supporters – let’s see those f-bombs! And by all means, please call me names.”

    And you, Idea Gal, would you recommend we start with stupid or maybe immature as you called Thordora? Dear Kettle, You’re Black. Love, Pot.

  67. Kimberly January 6, 2009 at 3:08 pm #

    Gah. I want to Thor. I really want to. But your trolls….They’re stupid and useless and weak……It seems, I dunno, petty and silly to even bother with smacking them. Somehow, I’m thinking the fact that they have to live each day knowing that they are such small, pathetic people must be punishment enough for being such small, pathetic people. Because I think the DO know that they are small and pathetic. I think that’s why they’re here. To try to fill their own voids in the sheer volume of living out loud, proud of who and how you are, honest to a fault (clearly) vibes you put out every day. And they can’t. Which is sad. But also just and right.

  68. Gabriel... January 6, 2009 at 3:32 pm #

    Just to clarify something… it’s not sarcasm, the type of humour Thordora used was “absurdism”. It was exaggeration for effect. It’s tragicomedy. It’s about using ridiculous statements to make a point. Unfortunately for the twitter-crowd I don’t think there’s an actual emoticon for this type of humour…

    Tweet: I’m so tired I’m inches away from death [insert appropriate emoticon here].

    Tweet: I’m so hungry I’m going to hunt down some children for a baby stir-fry [insert appropriate emoticon here].

    Tweet: Trolls and their minions who continue to attack my friends piss me off so much I might publish their phone numbers and/or addresses — which are freely available if you know where to look — on the web so they can know what the love of “community involvement” means [insert appropriate emoticon here].

    Tweet: The only reason I haven’t so far is because Thordora says no… but eventually Thordora will die, and then there will be retribution. Oh yes, retribution there shall be [insert appropriate emoticon here].

  69. Kimberly January 6, 2009 at 3:36 pm #

    Kimberly says you could publish them on her blog…Or, she’d get twitter just to follow you and you could let them drop 🙂

  70. thordora January 6, 2009 at 3:40 pm #

    Dudes, I appreciate the effort, but not cool.

  71. Kimberly January 6, 2009 at 3:51 pm #

    Pout.

    Fine.

  72. Catherine January 6, 2009 at 4:09 pm #

    If you look at it logically, with one of those 4-box logic thingies, there are only 4 possible outcomes when someone Twitters that they want to smother their child.

    1. You do something about it, and it turns out to be a joke. The worst possible outcome is that the blogger is now pissed off and the police’s time was wasted.

    2. You do something about it, and it turns out you were justified.

    3. You don’t do anything about it, and it turns out to be a joke.

    4. You don’t do anything about it, and it turns out to be true. The worst possible outcome is the child is smothered to death.

    I’m thinking if “child death” is on the menu of possible outcomes, I’m going to do the other thing.

    Signed,
    Catherine, Philadelphia native who achieved a GPA of 4.0 at an Ivy League university and is a Northeast liberal elitist (She wrote something nasty, then I erased it and then I thought better of it since OH! I don’t actually want to act like a big blubbering jerk.)

    PLAY NICE OR GO HOME.

    And I can make all the assumptions I want. Since a TON of you felt just fine about doing the very same thing to me.

  73. Gabriel... January 6, 2009 at 4:17 pm #

    Don’t worry Thordora, nothing would happen until after the funeral [insert appropriate emoticon here… I don’t know, maybe a smiley face with a wink only really, really tired and unshaven and with really massive eyebrows and wearing a striped rugby shirt].

    Again, just to clarify, Thordora was using absurdism, a type of humour known also known as tragicomedy and popularized by Samuel Beckett… who also was smart.

    Also, Catherine should read the actual transcript and check out the time line of the tweets…

  74. thordora January 6, 2009 at 4:18 pm #

    Hey Catherine, there’s also the theory of “using Twitter to raise my blog visability so my technorati rating will go up 3 poins”

    Have you asked your “friend” about how smug she is in the traffic she’s gained? Have you asked your friend is she’s contemplated what she potentially did to a family because she couldn’t be bothered to reach out other than finding my address and tweeting to the world at large that she couldn’t get through to Canada?

    There’s option 5. That strangers should not assume that I, like her, am CONSTANTLY at my computer just waiting for a chance to drive traffic.

    I try and do some good with this site by advocating for mothers and the mentally ill, while she blogs contests and fucks with my life instead of EMAILING ME OR A FRIEND. Sorry if I’m a little sick of the implication that yes, I’m stupid enough to kill my child and TWITTER IT.

    If everyone thinks that ANYONE is that dumb, well then your Ivy League education was very very wasted. cause the two examples pulled out-not even relevant.

    Oh, and while I allow dissenting views (yes, even yours) happily, ask your friend why nothing that doesn’t agree with her 100% is allowed up. If she’s done nothing wrong, what’s to be afraid of?

    I also twittered about wanting to kick the yuppies in the grocery store-was someone going to call about that as well?

  75. Jennifer January 6, 2009 at 4:25 pm #

    *snort* I love it when people sign comments as “Therapist” yet forget the armchair bit. Arrogant much?

  76. Jennifer January 6, 2009 at 4:34 pm #

    HA HA HA….there’s the ivy league card.

  77. thinking... January 6, 2009 at 4:44 pm #

    it’s only a matter of time before karma zaps Tara right in the ass. I guess she never learned that actions like hers are the kiss of death (morons can google “metaphor” if they feel the need to call the police over that phrase).

    Also? It’s looking like “anon” is probably the one who called the police–he/she was probably prompted by Tara’s hysteria. Now, anon can sit back and watch the fireworks, and also put herself (I doubt a man would over-react like that) in a position to “defend” Tara. Anon’s your gal–too cowardly to give a name and link. But, Tara did start it…

  78. Catherine January 6, 2009 at 5:26 pm #

    I don’t know Tara, so again you are assuming things that aren’t true. I am real-life friends with Cecily (go ahead, ask her) and that’s how I heard about this whole thing. I’m not here to defend Tara. I’m here because you did a stupid irresponsible thing, got pissed because someone reacted in the best interests of your child, and then had the nerve to say that people who disagreed with you were “Fox news watchers”. If you didn’t think that was going to piss people off…well, of course you did.

    At this point, I’m fairly certain you’re keeping this whole thing going to get more readership for your blog, and I’m not interested in assisting with that. But I imagine you’ll edit this comment the way you did my last one, so you can make me say whatever you want me to say, I suppose.

  79. Catherine January 6, 2009 at 5:28 pm #

    Jennifer: I pulled the Ivy League card because above, Thordora accuses anyone who disagrees with her of being “Fox news watchers”. I said as much in my comment, but Thordora edited that part out. I just wanted her to know she is not being lauded by liberals and condemned by southern conservatives, as much as she’d like to marginalize her detractors that way.

    And fuck yes, I’m proud of my education.

  80. thordora January 6, 2009 at 5:36 pm #

    Yes, I’m TOTALLY keeping this going for traffic. Which is why I asked WordPress to REMOVE my post from top post last night, which is why i TURNED DOWN a NPR interview, which is why I cringe and try to run some type of damage control when I see a pingback.

    If you want to come here and level accusations at me, don’t whine about getting pissed off. If said person or persons had made a legitimate attempt to reach me instead of twittering for traffic and glory and calling the cops, I might be tempted to be a little more sympathetic. Since all she is doing is sitting back gloating about any gains made to her ad ridden site, I’m not really feeling too badly for her.

    Your comment was edited because you decided to act like a petulant child instead of an adult. Are you really so easy to insult that being called a Fox watcher is that much of an insult? Is everyone so quick to judge and assume the worst about everything and one?

    Do I walk into YOUR life and start pissing in the corners?

    I have ADMITTED to a mistake-someone over reacted and has done nothing but stand back and try to play a hero. Not cool.

    Regardless, I’m done. YOUR comments I’ll make an exception for and delete. Your GPA is giving me a headache.

  81. thordora January 6, 2009 at 5:37 pm #

    and DUDE! what is WITH you and the Fox News Comment? I said that to emphasize my point regarding people who believe anything without checking it out, not accusing you of being a bloody red neck.

    man….get off the internet. Obviously you’re too sensitive for it.

  82. Catherine January 6, 2009 at 5:47 pm #

    Heh. Boy, talk about acting like a baby. It’s not ABOUT her (and FYI, I think her blog is revolting – I can’t stand that kind of cutesy shit). It’s about what YOU did. Yeah, you admit you made a mistake, but in the same damned breath, you say you’re pissed off and offended and make all kinds of disparaging remarks about this other person. Like dude, try PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. The correct response when you fuck up isn’t to run right back to your blog and talk about how stupid the other person is, EVEN IF YOU PERSONALLY THINK SO. The correct response is to say, “I fucked up. Forgive me” and move on!

    The Fox News thing pisses me off because it assumes only Southern Christian stay at home mommy conservatives are the ones who disagree with you. It’s marginalizing your detractors with lazy stereotyping and I wanted you to know it was bullshit. And oh honey no, I’m not that easily offended. Why do you think I’m still posting right now? Lord.

  83. thordora January 6, 2009 at 6:00 pm #

    I know enough people who I respect and care for dearly that watch Fox to think it’s only sanctimonious jebbus Moms. My point has been all along that it’s easy enough to over react.

    Personal Responsibility? yeah, I has some. I am now a cautionary tale for stupid behaviour on twitter. (I should get a trademark). I’ve spent two days worried that children’s aid will show up at my house and take my children because someone over reacted, twittered at her minions and sent the AUTHORITIES to my home. Because that is a real fear for anyone with a mental illness, even those of us with the horrid combination of poor impulse control+black humor+and tired of a toddler.

    Where’s her personal responsibility in staying out of it? Or if she felt the need, which I DO understand thank you very much, reaching someone she’s seen commenting on my site? Or emailing me? Or giving more than 10 minutes after publicly tweeting me before she started this ball rolling. If I lost my children, and then had to spend days, months clearing my name, where’s HER responsibility then?

    I have one-to not say stupid shit. duh, clear now. I’m a little naive about some of this stuff sometimes, because I’m used to like minded friends reading it. But other’s have one too-to think before they act. As I should have stopped and though, hrm, to people not me, my rolling my eyes frustration might seem odd.

    But she should have stopped and thought, rationally, would someone who has ADMITTED to bipolar disorder openly and posted about her moods, be they loving or angry, actually going to POST ill intent? And seriously, does that include wanting to kick yuppies in the grocery store?

    Personal Responsibility is a knife that cuts both ways. She can feel superior, as I’ve sat feeling an ulcer form as my life has become a caricature of itself. But she is not pure and innocent in this. Average person reaches out and asks, inquires, wonders, puts things into context. Average person doesn’t lie about trying to contact the police when asked about it. Average person tries to PRIVATELY contact person saying stupid things.

    Have you seen some of the lovely things being said on her friends twitters, to thousands of people? I have before blocking them. Apparently now I’m conducting a hate campaign, when all I want to do is move on, and go back to talking about parenting with mental illness and my daughters, as I had been doing. She held the door open-she shouldn’t be upset if the door hits her in the ass.

    Nor have I been surprised at being treated like I fucked up. Because I did. But it’s MY prerogative to post as I post, as it is to tell people to NOT harass her, and to leave her be, and to pull her links, because then I’m just feeding HER frenzy, and nothing changes.

  84. Emma January 6, 2009 at 6:22 pm #

    “1. You do something about it, and it turns out to be a joke. The worst possible outcome is that the blogger is now pissed off and the police’s time was wasted.” – Catherine

    Wrong. The worst case scenario was that Thordora’s kids were removed from her home at 11:00 p.m. and placed in foster care pending a full investigation. And THAT is what pisses me off about what Tara did. I don’t know how the “system” works where Thordora lives, but in my city, the child “protection” agency is incredibly sketchy – full of overworked, underpaid, undereducated, and undertrained staff, most of whom I wouldn’t trust with my dog, much less a kid.

    Thordora has admitted culpability in her hyperbolic statement. Has Tara admitted her fault yet? As someone who has had the joy (yes, I’m being sarcastic) of acquiring Real Life stalkers because of my blog, hearing about some unknown person inserting herself into Thordora’s Real Life just makes my skin crawl.

  85. d_S January 6, 2009 at 6:23 pm #

    They’re also saying twitter called the police now which is patently NOT TRUE as you can see from above where I spoted Al3x’s tweet reply to @feelslikehome. For those of you who don’t know @al3x and @ev, are the main twitter people in charge. Even Al3x, disparaged feelslikehome’s response.

    Alex Payne
    al3x @Feelslikehome To protect the child from sarcasm? You can email abuse@twitter.com if you think there’s a genuine problem.

    TWITTER DID NOT TRACE THE ISP AND CALL THE POLICE, and everyone on #storystraight who is trying so hard to get Tara or @feelslikehome’s reputation back is FULL OF SHIT. She over-reacted and is dealing with some justified backlash, so what if she has over 200 new followers? I know at least 10 ppl in my twitterstream who have blocked her on general principal. Hopefully, there are just as many ppl out there who find her behavior self-serving and repugnant as she gloats about her web traffic. At least a few of her sponsors have called her to register their dislike and concern for what TARA put into motion. To suddenly backpedal and say she was not responsible for starting a tempest in a teacup is RIDICULOUS. I don’t know either of these parties but have been following the story to see how it would all play out, and frankly, I am even more disgusted by @feelslikehome or Tara’s revisionist history. I call bullshit.

  86. Jennifer January 6, 2009 at 6:45 pm #

    Anyone who decides to pull the “i’s got edubecated so i’s smrt” card during a discussion to prove that they must be more right or to strengthen an argument is a moron.

    She has taken her lumps for what she has said, and yet YOU are here continuing to beat the dead horse because you don’t approve in the way in which she expressed herself for being thrown to the wolves? Bored much?

    As for Fox news. Not rocket surgery there. Who cares if she made a blanket statement about Fox news. It should actually be called Fox Entertainment with bits of the truth thrown in to keep it real. But then, I shouldn’t have to ‘splain that to an ivy league edubecated person.

    As an aside, your jaw would drop if you knew the education level of some of Thors readers. And I’m not talking about mine.

  87. e January 6, 2009 at 7:04 pm #

    A random passerby here – okay, not so random, followed a link that vaguely mentioned some drama, and since I don’t have enough in my life right now, I figured I’d see if I could borrow some.

    Some people will never get it. And I guess that can go both ways.

    Some people will never understand that screaming “fire!” at every little wisp of fog does NOT make the world safer; it only makes people jaded and immune to the times there really IS smoke. It reduces the manpower available for real emergencies, and contributes to burnout in the people who have to handle them. (Imagine the policeman who responded to the “child in danger” call… Imagine he gets another call tomorrow night, and thinks, “Oh God, here we go again, more internet drama,” and takes his time getting to the scene of this second call… to find that THIS one WAS something serious, but he’s too late.)

    And then, some people will never understand that there ARE people who genuinely believe that the worst is about to happen, around every corner, and that putting ourselves out there – along with our quirky or macabre or twisted senses of humor – is opening ourselves up for their overreaction. (You’ll notice, I hope, that I’m trying to assume the best about whoever called the cops on you – trying to assume that it was someone who was genuinely concerned and not just a busybody troublemaking attention whore who’s totally getting her rocks off because of it all. I’m *trying*.) Those people – and I include myself among them – will never learn that it’s not always safe to “be yourself” in public.

    This is threatening to turn into a diatribe, so I’ll shut up, but… hang in there. Don’t let the haters get to you, but be protective of yourself as well. Our blogs (and twitter, facebook, all that stuff) are so personal and intimate that we sometimes forget there’s a whole world of strangers out there watching and judging.

  88. Catherine January 6, 2009 at 7:07 pm #

    Thordora: I understand you believe both of you hold responsibility here. But the thing is, YOU don’t get to decide whether or not she takes hers. You can only take responsibility for your part, which you’re doing by admitting you made a mistake. But you can’t force her to take responsibility for her part. IT’S NOT ABOUT HER. I understand it’s galling to think someone else doesn’t have to take their lumps and pay the price for their behavior (and remember, that is your subjective viewpoint and a lot of people don’t think she did anything wrong). But if you really want to move on, say “I take responsibility for my part in things” and then close your mouth.

    Listen, I didn’t post on your blog when this thing broke, on your initial post. I didn’t post until you started disparaging people who disagree with your take on it. The thing about being on the internet is that a lot of people whom you’d actually like in real life are going to vehemently disagree with you about a lot of things. And I say EVERYTHING I’ve said so far as someone who in the past has done TRULY STUPID THINGS on the internet and got rightfully bollocked for it. I’m going to stop posting now, because I think you are hurt and it’s coming out as anger and I can relate to that. I retract my comment about your wanting more traffic on your blog.

  89. Phoebe King January 6, 2009 at 7:34 pm #

    Found this in my Twitter timeline today: “I don’t know what to say about this http://tinyurl.com/82zt8f

    My response (even before reading any of the comments): “Wow! My response: Tara watches too much TV news; lesson learned: I will never joke about smothering my animals on twitter. ;p”

    Did U sign off Twitter? Too bad. I would have liked to follow you.

    I’ve learned the hard way, too (although not with cops showing up at my door at 11 pm) to follow up ALL of my snarky or sarcastic comments with LOL or 😉 ’cause you just never know…

    On the plus side of social media, I have a Twitter/Facebook friend who is experiencing serious health problems right now. This person is getting a tremendous amount of online (and offline) support & I believe the more positive energy we can send this person the better the chances of recovery. I guess I’m trying to say that for every bad experience someone experiences online, there are 10 good ones (I like to think so anyways).

    Nevertheless, I am truly sorry you had to be the lesson for the rest of us. I hope the rest of your year goes swimmingly.

    Cheers!

  90. photogmomma January 6, 2009 at 7:35 pm #

    Here is something to think about (and I have no read the other responses because my kids are going crazy)….

    Not too long ago I was on a moms message board debating politics. I love doing this. And people are usually pretty good about not offending each other – and I usually see the best in others, that they aren’t out to be jerks or offend or do anything dastardly.

    But on this one day, I read something that just hit me wrong. I went off on my friend and said some horrible things and accused her of some pretty awful things.

    And once I stepped away and really thought about it, what was going on said much more about me, the one who attacked, rather than her, the one who posted. I was in a very bad place, she touched a nerve and I went off thinking the absolute worst. (I’ve since read it and it wasn’t nearly as bad as all that…)

    Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is that maybe what you said was dark and all that and definitely meant as a joke, but you never know what place other people are in when you write those things. Did they know a child that died like that? Did they just think the exact same thing about their child – in a very serious way? Or did they just have a really shitty day at work?

    In my case, it was definitely me being in the wrong. In your case, though, there’s so much gray area. It just sucks that it’s taking away one of your forms of expression, though.

    It’s so hard in this online world with very little context. You never truly know what someone is thinking. Good luck dealing with your internal frustration to find what is right for you.

  91. photogmomma January 6, 2009 at 7:36 pm #

    Can I make that “not read”? LOL! i should proofread more often.

  92. thordora January 6, 2009 at 8:49 pm #

    Catherine-don’t go away! Just because I don’t necessarily agree doesn’t mean I don’t think you have something valuble to contribute (or think I’d like you at the end of the day-and that’s rare). Aside from commenting here and in two other places, I’ve pretty much NOT said anything further about any of this. Nor do I intend to, with specifics, beyond these comments. I’m done with it, in specifics.

    Thing is, there is a LOT more responsibility for ALL of us who choose to put our lives out here-and that is a conversation that NEEDS to be had. Where does responsibility extend to? Who has the right to be the arbiter of wrong or bad or good taste? What have WE created, what child have we birthed, and do we need to now rein in?

    Stupid things have been done-but I do NOT think the lesson is mine alone to learn.

  93. Shana January 6, 2009 at 9:19 pm #

    Hey. Stop attacking Ivy League graduates. I’m an Ivy League alumna myself, who happens to support Thordora’s viewpoint in this case. Somehow I doubt that Catherine really went to an Ivy League school, because we usually don’t announce that fact when we post on public blogs; instead, we try to play it down as much as possible.

    But just a note to commenters now: We Ivy Leaguers don’t all think alike, and we’re not all irritating snobs who think that by writing, “I went to Harvard!”, we somehow prove that our views are more worthy.

  94. thordora January 6, 2009 at 9:23 pm #

    And I’m now closing the comments on this post as well. I’ve just about had enough.

    If anyone has anything they would like to discuss with ME about this, without the glory of my comments, my email is on the sidebar.

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