This rant brought to you by curry and chips. And Devics.

3 Dec

You know, I think I’m just about done with the “blogosphere”.

I don’t necessarily mean I’m going to back up my shit and high tail it out of here, oh no. Posting may be down, but I’m not out.

A few years back, when I entered into the fray naive and innocent, I was enthralled by the community. Women who thought like me! People who were honest, and sly and witty! Funny ladies! Mean ladies! All kinds of ladies!

It was refreshing and exciting, albeit a little clique-ish, lemming like and mean spirited at times.

Then it shifted to having this “must monetize” vibe, and everyone suddenly had browser crashing ads for tampons and chocolate, advertisers finding targeted marketing for pennies.

I started dropping the sites I would read. Perhaps they’d hang out in my feeds where I didn’t need to view the idiotic ads, but then I wasn’t commenting and then suddenly, I wasn’t reading.

Now, I have no desire to try anything new. I read friends, and stuff like Boing Boing and The Curvature and Instructables. Things I don’t have to become newly involved in because frankly, I’m tired. I’m tired of reading the same old things, revamped for more money. I’m tired of the sad feelings being hurt, people wanting their “private space” on the fucking internet. You want private? Buy a 5.99 journal at Wal-Mart and do what I do-write about the REALLY private stuff and stick it under your bed. I’m tired of trying to be interested in melodrama. (That last one includes myself btw)

What I’m really tired of is the “shock post”-one in particular I’m thinking of. I started reading the site via twitter maybe 2 weeks ago. (I won’t name the site, but ask nicely and I might) Today, I came across one post that I truly hope was meant to shock, and not meant as serious.

The post in question basically said that if your husband cheats, it’s because you’re not trying hard enough in bed, or being nice enough or some such woman hating BS. Neglecting to remember that a REAL partner talks shit out with their spouse before tripping and sticking a dick in someone else. The attitude that it was a woman’s problem for not being willing to let her husband slip it in the rear or pee on her (you need to experiment a little!) was MORE than a little offensive and insulting. If only all relationship problems could be solved by trying harder to like it in the ass.

Yes, I meant that pun.

I left a fairly pissy comment, stated I’d no longer follow the site, and removed them from my twitter feed. I was that annoyed. Normally I will include a fair amount of contrasting views just to keep things balanced, but that-that just read as bitchy and annoying and stupid. Juvenile. I’m quite sure that if all marriages needed to keep a partner, namely a husband faithful was a little bit of Nurse Molly action, people would be doing it! If only I lived in such a dream world where people never cheat because they’re lonely or in need to some actual reinforcement that their home isn’t providing.

This is why I’m pretty much done with it-this type of writing isn’t awesome or interesting or even amusing. It’s LAZY. It’s easier to write something outrageous than to sit down and really think about what you’re saying. It’s easier to whine that no one allows you to just write on your blog anymore, the big meanies, instead of just quietly moving certain types of content to private, invite only sites or even to GASP! real paper.

It’s tiring isn’t it? Keeping up with the drama, the heaving bosoms in print, the bad writing, the poor metaphor, the over educated blog post you need Wikipedia for 15 times, the vagueness, the pretend sickness, the overwroughtness at every single moment of a baby’s life. It’s exhausting to read! Why is no one saying anything new? Why does no one stop at the new point they’re at and say , hey, I’m older, I have wisdom!

Is that not entertaining? I’d love to read a real blog about aging, about mid life from women, instead of half the stuff I see that seems like people are struggling to maintain a stasis around 2003. Yawn. Tell me about now. Tell me something REAL. Tell me something without the ad revenue, without the sponsors, without the expectation. Something without the bitchy. Tell me your story, the truth, instead of the pablum you see every other blog writer spewing. (Again, this includes me).

Say something, for fuck’s sake, say something REAL.


23 Responses to “This rant brought to you by curry and chips. And Devics.”

  1. Mad Hatter December 3, 2008 at 11:31 pm #

    Funny, that. I find one of the cliched blog posts to be “I am older. I am wise now. I have lost the hang-ups of my youth.”

    The natural rhythms of life are up and down. Of that I do not tire. Of blogs that chose to provoke rather than being provocative, I walk out on those the minute I catch the smell.

  2. sweetsalty kate December 4, 2008 at 12:18 am #

    I think all that’s why I don’t read much beyond friends either. cause DAMN. I have some effing clever and vibrant and amazing friends.

  3. missy December 4, 2008 at 12:52 am #

    As you know, I deleted all of my really personal blogs because, well, I felt like it was too much.

    Now I have the pictures for the grandparents and the exercise blog, to keep accountable. And that’s it. Oh, and of course, I totally spew silly shit on facebook, but that’s totally it. I don’t blog the inner workings of my head anymore and I don’t really care.

    I love your blog because you fucking bring an amazing light to bipolar, to mother loss and to abuse. I know that it doesn’t “define” you, but I love hearing about that stuff because so few people mention anything about mental health because, even online, there’s such a fucking STIGMA! It’s refreshing and I love it. If you have to go “underground” and set all your posts to private, I’m cool with that but I want to keep hearing about it. I’m sorry I’m too lazy and paranoid to give you the same in return.

    And Kate, oh, your story is so beautiful too. I just can’t stop. But if you quit, too, and just had your flickr account, I’d be fine because I’m addicted.

    Oh, I’ll shut up now.

  4. Kathyp December 4, 2008 at 7:05 am #

    I couldn’t agree more. I’ve really curtailed my blog reading — mostly because my non-blog activities were starting to suffer, but also because I’m just so freaking over the whole “blogospehere” mentality. The cliques, the fights, the competition…

  5. Jennifer December 4, 2008 at 8:02 am #

    I don’t really read many personal blogs anymore honestly. The “popular” ones all seem to have give-aways and ads up the whazoo, and I’m always floored at their “readership” who can read 100+ replies on a blog? And the drivel! Geesh.

    Mostly I’m into the cooking, soap and financial blogs (like Gails blog from Debt do us part).

  6. bromac December 4, 2008 at 10:19 am #

    I have dropped a lot of my usual reads also. Whether the cattiness of women or the mundane. I read you and Salted b/c I do think that the two of you keep it real; and only comment on the two of yours as well.

    I am thinking….AGAIN…..of starting my own. To help with recovery and all, since I’ll be back on meds soon enough and have a lot of recovering to do. I just suck at writing, though. But, if I end up doing it, I’ll let you know. It won’t be all that well written or imaginative, but it will be real.

  7. superlagirl December 4, 2008 at 11:17 am #

    I feel this way a lot, mostly about my own writing. I’ve played with the idea of leaving crappy anonymous comments on my own posts, or creating another blog with the sole purpose of slamming my real blog. That probably wouldn’t do much to alleviate the drama, though, would it? Curses.

  8. charlotteotter December 4, 2008 at 11:57 am #

    Fabulous post. I agree. After nearly three years of blogging, I feel like I’ve seen it all and would enjoy something fresh. One blog I read by a wise woman is – she is wonderful writer and her ideas are big and challenging.

  9. The Aitch December 4, 2008 at 6:52 pm #

    Good post! Please tell me what blog you were referring too about why men cheat. Thanks!

  10. CharmingBitch December 4, 2008 at 7:00 pm #

    My reader continues to get thinned for so many of the exact same reasons; I think we talked about this before in that there are only so many posts I can read about someone dithering over shoes before saying, ”KTHXBYE!! Douche!!”

  11. nessa December 4, 2008 at 11:18 pm #

    I haven’t read a new blog in ages. I have my dozen or so friends that I like to keep up with cuz I care about ya’ll. Even your mundane days. I feel like I got lucky and hit the blog jackpot to have found my blog friends so soon, now that I know what drivel is out there. And I’ve gotten to the point of not really caring if I ever get new readers and what not. Oh well. I blog for me now and consider comments a little perk.

    Oh, and that cheating stuff? What fucking traitorous bullshit. Women who hate women are much worse than men who hate women in my book.

  12. Bon December 5, 2008 at 12:58 pm #

    oh, poop. i’ll have to go delete my post about how i’m giving anal sex to ALL my friends for Xmas, huh? keeps relationships fresh, friends.

    uh, hear hear.

  13. thordora December 5, 2008 at 3:34 pm #

    I’ll take what I can get from you dear. 🙂

    And fuck it. If you’re wondering, it was MomLogic. Go forth and bitch.

  14. mercurial scribe December 5, 2008 at 3:43 pm #

    I honestly think this is why I haven’t posted much lately. I have no perspective right now just lots of melodramatic shite running through my head. UGH.

    Great post though!

  15. nessa December 5, 2008 at 3:58 pm #

    Found the article. Read it. Barfed. Liked most of the comments though.

    I love John sooo much. BUT…If I thought he was anything like the “every man” described in the article, that bitch author is welcome to him. I’d rather be alone, thanks.

    In fact, I love him because he’s NOT that asshole.

  16. Kelly O December 5, 2008 at 5:12 pm #

    About the ads, I do have them on my blog, and got them when the market started to tank and I knew I’d eventually be the sole source of income for my family. (My husband was a real estate appraiser and is now back in school to become a teacher.) It’s not much money, but it is the amount I let myself spend on bourbon.

    I don’t begrudge you your opinion, though. Rock on with your bad self.

  17. Gwen December 5, 2008 at 6:17 pm #

    At least I don’t have ads ….

    I think you just have to ignore the rotten apples and hang with the people and blogs you like. Isn’t blogland just like real life? Most people are sort of vomitous, and that’s why you (or, uh, me) only have three friends?

  18. Hannah December 5, 2008 at 10:19 pm #

    I haven’t read a new blog in months. I have my short list of ladies (and a couple of gents) who I consider friends, and I count my time catching up with them like a kind of virtual meet in a coffee shop.

    Some of this is what I meant when I had my little rant about the whole motrinmoms crapfest.

  19. dame December 6, 2008 at 10:39 am #

    thanks for articulating what i tried, but couldn’t when i beat the piss out of my blog and set it on fire. but i do miss what once was.

    great points and observations — best of luck keeping it real. wordpress needs more gems in their mountain of bullshit.

    it’s just not what it used to be.

  20. zenmom December 6, 2008 at 4:00 pm #

    I’ve never really understood the appeal of drama blogs. Then again, I’m also the kind of person who doesn’t “get” reality tv.

    I like to find new blogs and check them out, but they have to give me something interesting or fulfilling for me to stick with them.

    If I am not educated or enlightened or at least entertained … why would I spend my time on it? Life is too short for borrowed drama. 🙂

  21. Bipolarlawyercook December 7, 2008 at 11:05 am #

    The problem with the internet is like riding the train with those two fucking annoying never shut up people sitting in front of you– except ALL THE TIME. There are idiots everywhere, but the internet makes them all more accessible. That’s the problem with near universal literacy. Any ignorant asshole who can write thinks they have something to say. We just have to hope we’re not that ignorant asshole to somebody else.

    That said, I’d miss smiling at and overhearing the lovely people I also encounter on the train. I learn a lot from those snippets and brief interactions, and wish I could know them more in my everyday life.

    Like you, m’dear.

  22. alimum December 7, 2008 at 4:00 pm #

    Your post, in many ways, describes a trajectory I have noticed in my own thinking. Yes, in the beginning, I was all about reading everyone’s blog and commenting, but, eventually, I couldn’t maintain that schedule.

    I do love dropping by and reading your blog and would be sad if you left the internet.

  23. thordora December 7, 2008 at 4:33 pm #

    It makes me sad that it’s like this-that we’re no longer interested to look around and hear the views, that the views are the same, the sad posts all identical in terms of where the heart strings are pulled, the melodrama over the smallest and silliest of moments..

    How do we get back a community we want to be part of? How’d we lose it anyway? How do we drop the pretense and the pomposity and the plain old fakery, and just talk to each other again?

    And Kelly, I don’t hate you for your ads. 🙂

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