Down with my fat self, BUT…

15 Oct

I’m so fucking done with being big.

Wait. That sounds like I hate my body doesn’t it. I don’t. I’m down with my bad self. I’ve hugged my flub and made peace with it-while I may not be all puppies and rainbows about it, I’m done with worrying about my size. I know that I’ll never stick to a diet, and that I’d be in the LARGE % that gains it all back in 5 years anyway.

I like my body. I really do.

What I am done with is a body that’s bigger than what manufacturers deem suitable for dressing, or at least suitable without scouring the internet, paying 60+ dollars for a shirt or both. I’m done with having giant platypus size feet in a town that barely carries anything over a 10M. I’m done with having a head that’s too big for hats.

Seriously. I get heat exhaustion really easily in the sun, but I can’t find a hat big enough for my head. So I just try not to go out.

As per the law of the universe, pretty much all of my pants and shoes have died the death of use. At the same time. I am not a rich person. Shit, half the time, I think we’re scrapping the poverty line. I have nothing left for shoes, aside from my army boots. Even my fucking chucks have a hole in the bottom (thanks Nike for buying them out and making them shitty for the same price. THANKS.) I’m wearing a pair of pants with only a little hole in them since I’m sick of wearing skirts.

For anyone not the size of the 50ft Woman, this wouldn’t pose a problem. Down they’d trot to Target or Bluenotes or where ever, buy some pants, trot off to Feet First, buy pretty shoes, and be done with it for a relatively low price.

Not I Mr. Wolf. I haunt Payless in the hopes that something non-hideous and wide comes available. Fat chance of that lately, but I’ve been told that a transvestite with the same 11W/12 feet ALSO haunts the place, and obviously has more time on her hands. Sigh. I can’t afford the store with pretty pretty shoes that start at 120.00. Just can’t. The ladies need snowpants.

I walk past Additionelle, and stifle laughter at their “sales”-it’s the same shoddy made crap from China you’d find in Wal-Mart, but for 4X the price. 89.99 for jeans-nothing fancy, just jeans. 49.99 for a rayon blouse, similar to something you’d see at Zellers in “regular” sizes for maybe 19.99,

The fat markup, I love it. I always say the tiny people should bitch for their discount since we’re pricing on extra weight on my end.

I can’t be out buying clothes every 2 weeks. I don’t have the time, nor am I set up for that sort of depression. I end up buying stuff that doesn’t look “as bad.” Desperation shopping isn’t pretty. Even my old standby, the thrift store, hasn’t been kind to me.

I’m just tired of dealing with this-of getting ripped off for being big. And it has nothing to do with weight-even at my smallest I was a 14, which means I’d STILL be shopping in teh fat stores, and I’d STILL be getting ripped off for what I get. I’m tired of feeling that I should be thankful for what I have, because frankly, what I have is crap. Not a single piece of me is easy to dress, and even my hair is chaotic. I want to give my money to someone who understands it.

And without a credit card? Can’t shop online.

I figure I should just become a nudist. I’m fine with my body until I put clothes on it that someone else decided I should wear.

Maybe there’s something to that.

12 Responses to “Down with my fat self, BUT…”

  1. Shana October 15, 2008 at 8:53 pm #

    Um, you’re in eastern Canada, right? Being a nudist might be a little difficult in the coming months. 🙂

    Personally I recommend exercise rather than diet, if you really are “done with being big.” Exercise makes you feel great and actually keeps the weight off rather than having it keep creeping back on.

  2. sweetsalty kate October 15, 2008 at 8:53 pm #

    Random thoughts… you were totally styley at maritime blogher. You looked fantastic. Somehow, you manage it despite living in the armpit.

    On that note… I think it’s also the fault of living in the maritimes. We’ve only had passable maternity clothes for the last two years or so – and ‘passable’ is Old Navy. There’s not much here of anything that’s of any sort of specialty.

    On that note… why the hell are larger clothes a specialty, anyway? The vast majority of women would sell their souls for cool, funky, well-made clothes in a size twelve and up, way up. Anyone with half a brain knows that… why doesn’t retail? hmph.

    I do think teh Interweb is your only answer for now. I’ve heard that American Eagle sells a much wider diversity of sizes online (not available in-store) – they’re great just for cool, not-too-expensive basics. And I’ve always heard about Torrid, but I don’t know if their stuff is cheesy/expensive or not.

    Can you give someone cash and ask for some credit card useage to try a few new brands? And I know it can be a chore, but have you ever rolled up your sleeves at Winners? Some people don’t have the patience for it, but at least there you’d be able to break free of Additionelle.

    I can’t stand commenting with practical feedback, but then, clothes are constantly on my mind and so here I am. And I started out just wanting to say that you looked so great at blogher. Then I got carried away. Completely.

  3. Bon October 15, 2008 at 9:15 pm #

    i often think being a nudist would be better for the self-esteem…and i CAN shop at the “regular” stores and still leave feeling ripped off and hideously deformed half the time. but Shana’s point about Maritime weather is well-taken.

    i loved this post. that’s all i have to say.

  4. Hannah October 15, 2008 at 9:22 pm #

    I also have to shop at the “big girl” stores, only I am that worst of ironies – a plus-size petite. The only store where I can find anything at all is Reitman’s, and I always have to buy in the off-season to avoid paying through the nose. And the clothes are not exactly individual or funky in any way.

    I hear you, and I heart you, and if I had anything practical to say I would say it.

    Also, your “Canada you suck” post? Big sloppy kisses for you. I am sunk in the doldrums today.

  5. Marcy October 15, 2008 at 11:26 pm #

    I hate clothes-shopping. Styles. Fabrics. Colors. Being other than a B cup, petite, somewhat modest, hating low-rise, and on and on.

    I hope good things go hide in the thrift store just for you.

  6. thordora October 16, 2008 at 8:07 am #

    Ugh Hannah-Reitmans. Land of zero tailoring. I get the odd nice thing there (that royal purple shirt I was wearing in May) but mostly it’s hideous. My mother was also a larger petite, so we spent a LOT of time there. And yeah, still pissed at canada. Fuckers.

    Winners tends to have more old lady fat clothes-think Delta Burke. The odd time I’m uptown and in there, I get disgusted and stare longingly at the size 2 stuff. 🙂

    I do exercise, but even with that, at this point I’ll never be less than an 18 at best, and since I’m built like a linebacker, I still won’t be in the “normal” stores. I don’t think I ever have been.

    Must learn to sew/tailor. That’s the only answer.

  7. bromac October 16, 2008 at 8:22 am #

    I think you’re last comment is your best bet–if no one can do it right for you, do it yourself.

  8. Cynthia Page October 16, 2008 at 10:03 am #

    Oh boy, can I relate. Finding something that is “not bad” is usually the best I can do. I was in Presque Isle, ME this weekend for a little bit and found a pair of $5 pants at a discount store (think trashier, messier mix of Winners and a warehouse) and a $19 fall coat with hat. Of course, hat didn’t fit at all. *Sigh*

    It is too bad we don’t live closer to the border – their Fashion Bug has a wide range of plus size clothing in both youngish casual styles and more business-like apparel and their sales are so much better than ours. Everything in the store was 50% off the day I was there (although I still didn’t buy anything this time because I am trying to be more financially responsible).

    Yesterday after swimming, the strap on my bra just snapped. Joy. All clothes shopping is a pain, but bra shopping in plus sizes over DDD makes me want to scream.

    I’m tired of having a choice of wicked-ass expensive clothes and shit that looks like it has been attacked by a Bedazzler.

  9. nessa October 16, 2008 at 11:48 am #

    I hate shopping and clothes too and always feel depressed/ sad when I have to buy things that don’t fit me well/ are poorly made because it’s what I can afford. And I am pretty average sized, I guess.

  10. Gwen October 16, 2008 at 12:06 pm #

    The nudist thing sounds fun …. except I think you might need to move. 🙂

  11. thordora October 16, 2008 at 12:08 pm #


  12. Marcy October 16, 2008 at 10:05 pm #

    I’m in that learning to sew journey. Making progress, albeit slowly. It’s hardest to find fabrics I like at prices I like. What I’m working on now is learning how to do some standard pattern alterations. I’ve recently heard of a thing you can make (a sloper, I think it’s called) that fits very close, and you can use it to make altering for yourself a lot easier. And I’m thinking about putting a dress form on my wish list.

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