I’m so fucking done with being big.
Wait. That sounds like I hate my body doesn’t it. I don’t. I’m down with my bad self. I’ve hugged my flub and made peace with it-while I may not be all puppies and rainbows about it, I’m done with worrying about my size. I know that I’ll never stick to a diet, and that I’d be in the LARGE % that gains it all back in 5 years anyway.
I like my body. I really do.
What I am done with is a body that’s bigger than what manufacturers deem suitable for dressing, or at least suitable without scouring the internet, paying 60+ dollars for a shirt or both. I’m done with having giant platypus size feet in a town that barely carries anything over a 10M. I’m done with having a head that’s too big for hats.
Seriously. I get heat exhaustion really easily in the sun, but I can’t find a hat big enough for my head. So I just try not to go out.
As per the law of the universe, pretty much all of my pants and shoes have died the death of use. At the same time. I am not a rich person. Shit, half the time, I think we’re scrapping the poverty line. I have nothing left for shoes, aside from my army boots. Even my fucking chucks have a hole in the bottom (thanks Nike for buying them out and making them shitty for the same price. THANKS.) I’m wearing a pair of pants with only a little hole in them since I’m sick of wearing skirts.
For anyone not the size of the 50ft Woman, this wouldn’t pose a problem. Down they’d trot to Target or Bluenotes or where ever, buy some pants, trot off to Feet First, buy pretty shoes, and be done with it for a relatively low price.
Not I Mr. Wolf. I haunt Payless in the hopes that something non-hideous and wide comes available. Fat chance of that lately, but I’ve been told that a transvestite with the same 11W/12 feet ALSO haunts the place, and obviously has more time on her hands. Sigh. I can’t afford the store with pretty pretty shoes that start at 120.00. Just can’t. The ladies need snowpants.
I walk past Additionelle, and stifle laughter at their “sales”-it’s the same shoddy made crap from China you’d find in Wal-Mart, but for 4X the price. 89.99 for jeans-nothing fancy, just jeans. 49.99 for a rayon blouse, similar to something you’d see at Zellers in “regular” sizes for maybe 19.99,
The fat markup, I love it. I always say the tiny people should bitch for their discount since we’re pricing on extra weight on my end.
I can’t be out buying clothes every 2 weeks. I don’t have the time, nor am I set up for that sort of depression. I end up buying stuff that doesn’t look “as bad.” Desperation shopping isn’t pretty. Even my old standby, the thrift store, hasn’t been kind to me.
I’m just tired of dealing with this-of getting ripped off for being big. And it has nothing to do with weight-even at my smallest I was a 14, which means I’d STILL be shopping in teh fat stores, and I’d STILL be getting ripped off for what I get. I’m tired of feeling that I should be thankful for what I have, because frankly, what I have is crap. Not a single piece of me is easy to dress, and even my hair is chaotic. I want to give my money to someone who understands it.
And without a credit card? Can’t shop online.
I figure I should just become a nudist. I’m fine with my body until I put clothes on it that someone else decided I should wear.
Maybe there’s something to that.