Guest Post 5: Bromac’s Voice

29 Aug

Today’s post is brought to you from Bromac-Bromac found me somehow, and has stuck around for awhile. She’s always been a voice of reason and support for me, another ghost voice in the wilderness.

 

AAARRGH! 

Exclamation Points!!!! 

The thesis to my life! 

The anti-thesis.   

My fucked up brain morphs non

      into being. 

Period.  into Exclamation Point! 

So exhausting. 

Infuriating!!! Really 

Fuck my fucked up brain—

      and FUCK exclamation points.

 

____________________________________

 

Empath 

Each day is a struggle

to remain among the sane.

Consciousness, a must.

working, working, working

against the pain.

Against the chemicals

      Mine. 

Then you appear

distrustful and wary

and tired and alone.

Help Me-you say,

in not so many words

running away as soon as they’re out.

      NO! 

And they see

      all the eyes.

They hear-all the ears

And they wont

      for me 

One by one, they trickle through

Taking and Taking

from me

      I’m depressed

      I’m gay

      I cut myself

      My father hits me

      My foster family takes my money

      My parents are divorcing

      I hate my life

      I want to off myself 

Fix it……they say

And they don’t know

they can’t—they see only

themselves

they’re own pain 
 
 

You’re ok, I say.

It will get better.

Tell your mother.

You can do this. 

And, for each

I shed a tear.

I take their pain.

I help them heal. 

      I listen 

Each thick tear

takes more of me

      from me 

And they leave.

But their pain,

small or large, it may be that day

stays with me. 

I cry for them

I worry over their future:

Will she make it?

Will he end it?

Will she hit back?

Will she give up? 

I lock their pain

in a little box

next to my heart.

It SCREAMS at me!

all hours of the day

Hatred, Love, Anger, and Fear

is bottled in me now.

Raging to get out. 

And I want to scream

STOP!

I have my own pain

too much for even one person.

I can’t take yours

Too many.

Too much. 

I cry

releasing the pain.

      Resentment 

Because it is me they have chosen

to house their pain.

To hold it

keep it under wraps. 

I hold my head in my hands

      And weep. 

They TAKE

to become strong.

And I GIVE

and become weaker, still. 

I weep, I cry, I yell

I shake with emotion.

Their emotion……there is no room left for mine.

My chest throbs

A life of it’s own under this burden.

My body trembles

My teeth clench

and my brain longs to fix them 

But I can’t.

I can only listen

and take their pain for them

to give them relief,

if only for the moment 

and convulse,

with their hurt of their pain

      now in Me.

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2 Responses to “Guest Post 5: Bromac’s Voice”

  1. March August 30, 2008 at 12:06 am #

    oh my gosh,
    you had me in tears reading.

    I’m so shaken by your writing. so many thoughts come to me that I can’t word out of me…

    makes me want to give you a hug.

  2. Marcy August 30, 2008 at 8:46 am #

    I especially appreciated the first one.

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