“If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul. “

14 Aug

There’s a new me growing, and I like her.

She’s kinder. She’s happier. She more willing to open her eyes and see past what presents.

She’s talks to herself nicer. She reminds patience, nudges herself that she doesn’t know the book unless she’s read it.

She talks to people. She wants to know them.

She notices things.

***********************************

The last week or so of my life has been, with the exception of one week when I was younger, the hardest of my life. I can’t even begin to describe the agony, of all of it.

Then something strange occurred.

All of you stood up, and wrapped me in your support. Not agreement, not consent. But strength. A core I could fall back into slightly, and be supported by.

You helped me remember that people aren’t bad. That sometimes strength is letting go, allowing others to be strong for you. You helped me look inside myself and realize that hey, I like me, or rather that there is a person there worth liking, and loving. That I mattered.

I cannot thank you for this, not in any way that is meaningful. I feel that I have birthed myself again, and all of you have been my doulas, my protectors. The glow I have held inside me, my firelight, is filled by the light that all of you sent to me, unasked, unexpectedly.

I feel so proud to know each and every one of you, my friends, some of you I’ve never even met, voices I’ve never truly heard. But where it matters, how it matters, you are friends.

I am blessed to have this in my life, and it warms me even as I sit here.

So thank you. Know that each of you have made a difference this week, and your spirits, your voices, are each a tiny piece of a new beginning for me. And I delight in this.

You make me better.

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17 Responses to ““If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul. “”

  1. Carin August 14, 2008 at 9:03 am #

    That post made me cry. I’m just glad you like yourself again.

  2. cori August 14, 2008 at 10:30 am #

    I will continue wishing you strength and love. I’m glad you are happier with yourself this week! xoxoxox

  3. Helen August 14, 2008 at 10:50 am #

    Thor, just as much as we help you, you have also helped us.

    I’m one of those commenters who has never yet met you in person. I can’t tell you how much you helped me by your blog “Sometimes I can’t handle being a mother.” You have helped countless mothers in different countries by that blog; just look at the comments on it.

    Because I found your page through that blog, I’ve had the chance to read your other entries and learn more, grow in empathy… for example, how to relate to friends who have lost mothers, and how to relate to people with bipolar disorder. Any time you help someone to grow in empathy, you make the world a better place. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has grown in empathy as a result of reading your page.

  4. Gwen August 14, 2008 at 11:34 am #

    I like this new T (I liked the old one, too.). I hope she sticks around.

  5. mamaloo August 14, 2008 at 11:42 am #

    You know, I have long, strong arms and a strong back. If you need to rest there a moment while you take a good deep breath and get yourself back up onto your feet, then by all means.

    And when my head explodes, maybe you or someone like you , will be there to cushion my fall and help me back up.

    😀

  6. Missy August 14, 2008 at 11:57 am #

    This is really nice.

  7. daisybones August 14, 2008 at 12:02 pm #

    What Mamaloo says. Only from farther away. *hugs & sniffles* And… Thor, I’m totally awed by you right now.

  8. Bon August 14, 2008 at 12:27 pm #

    having just gotten my own outpouring of much-needed support and caring from the ether community, i know exactly what you mean. it blew my mind, and healed a hole in me that i don’t think i was even consciously aware of…the one that simply expected to be generally let down most of the time.

    one instance of feeling truly buoyed by people to whom i’ve exposed myself and who still choose to come out for me? i don’t think there’s any real way to say how much it means. but my god, it’s powerful.

    so, um, right back at ya. 🙂

  9. misspudding August 14, 2008 at 1:58 pm #

    You constantly amaze me in your strength.

    You take care of so many people and do so much that it’s the least you deserve to have people help you out when things are too much for you to bear. Remember that those of us here, who have stuck around, don’t want to see you get hurt and we’ll do whatever it takes, if you need us, to help you out.

    In a few weeks or months, when the drama has died down, don’t forget that we’re still here. You just have to ask.

  10. Marcy August 14, 2008 at 3:49 pm #

    I’m always amazed when people are able to actually do what your title says. I’m such a pessimist and cynic. Seeing you rise phoenix-like in the midst of all this is a very hopeful sight. And you are welcome to meet me in person anytime you happen to be in Indiana, which I’m sure is so very often.

  11. radical mama August 14, 2008 at 8:36 pm #

    I wish I lived closer to you. I would like to be able to just listen to you and look at you and not say anything. *hugs*

  12. March August 14, 2008 at 9:02 pm #

    the title of the post is oh so true, if we give ourselves the chance we find so many wonderful things in our way.
    your post made me feel happy, I’m smiling for you as this is a great point to start, you’ve had a horrible week… and the rebuild is already going on.
    it won’t be easy, pink nor perfect, but it does not have to in order to be wonderful. the future is waiting for you.

  13. humwawa August 15, 2008 at 12:21 am #

    Your voice is so clear.

    The pain, anger, and rising from it hope and a reborn self. And everything that can be gotten from reaching out, from risking. It is very inspiring. And I’m glad you’ve found some of what you need. You’ll make all the rest of it, I’m sure.

  14. thordora August 15, 2008 at 7:58 am #

    What astounds me, and makes me smile, is that this truly doesn’t feel hard. A lesson sure, a reminder, but it doesn’t take strength. It takes consistancy, and attention.

    And once you start actually being gracious, and acknowledging the good in your world, you notice that it’s everywhere, and it always has been.

    It’s quite stunning really. I imagine that it’s as close to divinity as I’ll ever come, staring the world in the face.

  15. sweetsalty kate August 15, 2008 at 9:19 am #

    Oh my lord thor, I just came here to say this:

    MWAH! xoxo

    …but then your last comment lifted me even higher than the post itself. I can’t wait to see you.

  16. radical mama August 15, 2008 at 10:42 am #

    Your last comment is AMAZING. I need me some of that gratitude. You are an inspiration, sister! *more hugs*

  17. Yolanda August 15, 2008 at 11:12 am #

    hugs =)

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