Mea Culpa.

1 Jul

The sun is back out!

And so apparently, are all of you. Outside I mean, since y’all certainly ain’t inside. Not that I’ve been sharing the love and visiting tons and commenting and being a good little blogger Mommy.

Frankly, as I don’t stay home or have help right now, that’s really hard to do. It’s hard to be everywhere with everyone-I read in feeds, but I rarely stray outside of my readers. I don’t have the bloody time.

Which brings me to this.

I will likely stop writing here by the end of the summer.

I have nothing new to say. My children are no longer babies. I am rarely amused by the “antecdotes” of others, and find myself actively resentful of the fact that I’ve wasted time reading. I feel spent, and like I’m talking to myself.

I want to focus on writing for me for awhile. I want to stop this ridiculous cycle of wanting comments, or wanting site hits, of wanting wanting wanting, of growling at fucking Blogher ads of little “she called me a {insert mean sad thing} on her blog crap. I’m tired of feeling like I need to reach out to people I don’t want to reach out to, tired of trying to “build community” when all I really want to do is sit in my corner and talk to the kids I actually do like.

In short, this is all a lot of effort for null. I don’t enjoy this anymore. I don’t enjoy speaking into the ether, at least not this way.

Posting here as been light as of late. And will get lighter. I have other places to write, and might forward things to there. I don’t know.

I just know that this isn’t fun anymore.

27 Responses to “Mea Culpa.”

  1. Gwen July 1, 2008 at 11:28 am #

    Oh, babe, this is totally going around. Isn’t it so strangely cyclical? Summer always makes me want to quit; I think I should be doing so many other things instead. I guess winter, spring, and fall also sometimes make me want to quit, too. Hmm. Right now I’m just holding out for blogher, seeing if it will give me some inspiration (because if Dooce can’t do it, nobody can. /end sarcasm).

    I’ll be sad if you go, but I will totally understand.

  2. charmingdriver July 1, 2008 at 11:31 am #

    Oh T. I know how you feel, honestly. I will miss your voice and your writing but I know too you have to do what works and feels good to you.

  3. Caitlin July 1, 2008 at 12:16 pm #

    I’ve been reading, but like you, rarely getting out of Google Reader these days. Between being swamped with school stuff on top of the normal stuff and finally being able to do things that aren’t possible when you have a baby/toddler, but are when you have a preschooler.

    I enjoy your writing and it will be missed. But at the same time, you seem a lot happier and centered these days than you were when I first clicked over from BB. It seems like you’re in a much better place these days and I am glad you are, even if it means you won’t be writing here.

  4. daureen July 1, 2008 at 2:45 pm #

    Awww, Thor, you will be *so* missed. I would understand though. Big Hug to you! πŸ™‚

  5. Marcy July 1, 2008 at 2:48 pm #

    Well, if it’s not fun, if it’s pulling teeth, do what you need to do.

  6. Jen July 1, 2008 at 3:06 pm #

    Not fun is not fun and there’s plenty of stuff in life that isn’t fun without adding to it.
    Please please please keep in touch though. Hell, how would I run away to Canada if you disappeared completely?

  7. Candy July 1, 2008 at 3:24 pm #

    I think we all go through the cycles of not wanting to write and then having so much to say you can’t the posts written fast enough. I quit for about a year once, and then came back with a vigor I didn’t have the first time around. But I know that blogging has a life span. I can’t imagine doing it forever. Basically, I’m saying I understand how you feel. I’ll miss reading what you have to say. But if it’s not fun, or therapeutic, or something, then you’re doing the right thing.

  8. Judy July 1, 2008 at 3:53 pm #

    You’ll be missed from around these parts too. Good luck!

  9. misspudding July 1, 2008 at 5:16 pm #

    Hey, I totally hear ya on this. Ever since I went back to work, I figured I had “community” elsewhere, and just replaced the online world. Of course, it is still nice to see how people are doing here and there. In a sense, though, for me, that’s what all of that social networking crap gives me.

    If it wasn’t for facebook, I think I’d still totally be writing and reading. I do follow folks in the reader but that’s about it.

    Good luck, whatever you do, and I’ll follow you on facebook.

  10. jen July 1, 2008 at 11:55 pm #

    well, shit.

    shit, sister. i’m sorry to hear this.

  11. March July 2, 2008 at 8:02 am #

    I’m surprised, but if its not fun for you anymore then there’s no reason for you to invest time in it.

    I’ll miss your beautiful wise deep words. really. I’ll miss reading you.

  12. thordora July 2, 2008 at 8:15 am #

    I just don’t have much to offer anymore, or the drive to. I’m also dealing with the personal shit, and the constant paranoid “why is no one here?” (despite knowing that people have, you know, LIVES) is picking at my currently very low and fragile self esteem. So to prevent this from turning into a very bad goth blog, it’s best to shut it down.

    Everything has an end after all, and I’m reaching mine.

  13. Mad July 2, 2008 at 9:20 am #

    Do what you have to do. I quit once and it did me a world of good. We all need to get past feeling any kind of obligation to this space. And yes, a lot of it does get old after a while. There are certain kinds of posts that I simply do not read any more.

  14. niobe July 2, 2008 at 11:53 am #

    I know the feeling. All. Too. Well.

  15. Netter July 2, 2008 at 11:54 am #

    I understand, but I’ll miss you. I think one of the reasons I’ve read you is because you don’t write inane posts or get sucked into meta-blog drama.

  16. missy July 2, 2008 at 6:02 pm #

    I can relate.

    Just don’t delete it, okay? Can you promise me that much?

    You’ve been a good friend and I want to be able to look you up now and then.

    Call me selfish.

  17. sweetsalty kate July 2, 2008 at 10:31 pm #

    It’s such a trap, isn’t it? Life as a kibble-addicted hamster. I understand. I’d miss seeing your writing and perspective, but then, I can also see you in real life too, and that’s even better.

    Maybe a trial run at first, to see how it feels? Just a thought. Maybe this is one of those cold-turkey moments, I don’t know. But I do understand.

  18. radical mama July 3, 2008 at 8:50 am #

    I’m thinking the same thing. We can still hang out on FB. πŸ™‚

  19. karrie July 3, 2008 at 10:53 am #

    Huh. I thought I left a comment yesterday and it does not show.

    Did not want you to think I would not miss you! But I think your voice has more to offer than free content on a blog.

  20. thordora July 3, 2008 at 10:57 am #

    It does. Free passive aggressive status updates on Facebook! πŸ™‚

  21. B July 3, 2008 at 1:11 pm #

    Your bravery has consistently encouraged me to write about my struggles with my mental health problems and treatment. I’m going to miss you and always remember that you first broke down the barriers of shame that kept me from writing about my most painful times. Thank you.

  22. thordora July 3, 2008 at 4:00 pm #

    wow B. Thank you.

  23. Bon July 3, 2008 at 4:02 pm #

    i didn’t say anything because i didn’t know what to say…whether to offer support or wail and gnash my teeth.

    i still don’t know. so just let me say i like coming here, and if you need to stop for a bit, that’s cool…and if you need to stop altogether that’s cool too but know that i will miss you.

    lastly…just so you know, in terms of moving on to other writing, your craft has been kicking ass lately. really good writing, Thor. wherever you do it, you’re building a catalogue of work i enjoy.

  24. Jennifer July 3, 2008 at 9:38 pm #

    You shouldn’t be writing for others, just yourself. My blog is for me and me alone, its nice that people stop by and read it, but as someone who is lucky to get one or two comments on my posts (very lucky!) I just can’t think of it like that. Take your break, keep in touch.

  25. Hannah July 4, 2008 at 7:07 am #

    typing one-handed b/c holding bebe, so poor grammar, no caps. if it’s not fun anymore, then that’s it. and i’ve said before that your writing is changing lately – becoming something new and wonderful – maybe this blog isn’t the best place for you to explore it.

    i’ll miss your online you, but i hope to keep seeing you In Real Life (ha, bebe let go of my finger, I get my caps back!). If the great road trip of ’08 does happen, we should get Kate in on that action and have a mini-reunion.

  26. thordora July 4, 2008 at 7:58 am #

    I’ll be emailing you about that tonight actually. And Kate is MORE than welcome. πŸ™‚ Would be teh awesome.

  27. Cynthia Page July 9, 2008 at 6:52 pm #

    So sorry I didn’t find your blog sooner. Your posts have been thought provoking and enlightening and honestly, made me feel like I wasn’t totally fucking alone. I hope you leave it up, even if you don’t post.

    You write beautifully. I’m sorry it isn’t fun anymore.

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