When I’m 16

14 Jun

When I’m 16

Originally uploaded by thordora

I try to stop time frequently.

I’m reminded far too often by friends and coworkers how fast time has moved.

“5 already!” they crow! “How fast THAT went.”

I see a pregnant young woman on the street, full to burst, obviously only her first and I think of myself then, unsure and pale ghost white, brittle yet ready. That was only last Tuesday wasn’t it? I was just a young thing, thirsty for the world so few days ago. I hadn’t yet pulled on the mantle of worry, and bliss, of mother. I was still free.

Today, with the winds whipping us all like dervishes, whispering reminders of winter even still as the cold howl of bagpipes and drums slammed through the air, I stopped time briefly, and caught my daughter in flight.

I looked and thought “You are, and will be, so fucking heartbreakingly lovely.” The beauty of her future is writ so large already it scares me. Her wisdom-the aged soul that lives inside her speaks clearly. There are lives in there I cannot account for.

I am eager for this person she’s becoming, breathless with waiting. But still drawn to hold her still to this moment, this almost 5. The teetering on the edge of years is much too glory ridden for me, her toes hanging off the edge as she laughs and laughed, brown eyes dissolving into memory.

She is just so very perfect, and I so very speechless.

10 Responses to “When I’m 16”

  1. Bromac June 14, 2008 at 3:42 pm #

    Beautifully written.

  2. Marcy June 14, 2008 at 7:21 pm #

    She is indeed beautiful.

    As I’ve been living with the impending doom sense that life is so fraught with peril, and the hopeless suspicion that the world and I are beyond help, it is good to read someone else’s hope and brightness — especially someone who also walks with a limp.

  3. Hannah June 14, 2008 at 7:48 pm #

    I have to say, I have always loved your writing, but of late I feel like you’ve reached a new phase with your work… you are so eloquent, and so thoughtful, and always make me stop and catch my breath.

    You are a unique soul, Thor.

  4. thordora June 14, 2008 at 8:04 pm #

    hannah-you aren’t allowed to make me cry. Not on the weekend. 😛

    I feel it too. It’s called waking up and wanting to live for the first time in my life-the past 6 months have been so healing…and so wanted….

  5. March June 14, 2008 at 8:05 pm #

    that is such a gorgeous photo,
    you capture her beauty, her thoughtful soul… her eyes, seeing them you can see her at 16 for sure. Just beautiful!

    it’s an honor indeed to witness them growing up, and sometimes we’re so caught up in the everyday that we forget so.

  6. Jennifer June 14, 2008 at 8:30 pm #

    That is an awesome picture. Frame worthy for sure.

  7. Jason Dufair June 15, 2008 at 7:15 am #

    Nicely capture, Thor. Both in words and images. Me, I’m in no hurry to see any of mine at 16. Wish they’d just stay put a while. Pre-diapers: “Hurry and grow up!” Post diapers: “Slow down!”

  8. sweetsalty kate June 15, 2008 at 7:42 pm #

    That photo knocked me over! Gorgeous. Jason put it perfectly.

  9. canadacole June 16, 2008 at 10:11 am #

    Beautiful in all ways. I took a similar picture of my daughter on the weekend but didn’t have the words….you’ve said it all so perfectly.

  10. Erin June 17, 2008 at 12:36 pm #

    Not so very speechless. Lovely post. And beautiful picture.

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