The Tin and The Diamonds

18 Apr

So today is our 10th wedding anniversary.

No, I’m not really old. I married young.

10 years ago today, right about now we would have been, officially, with only one single God reference, man and wife.

I kept my name.

All things considered, we feel pretty superior about our marriage sometimes. Which isn’t to say that we don’t have our problems-like any couple, we do. But we’re proud that despite our problems, we have a strong and healthy marriage.

Sometimes we look around and wonder if people don’t split up because it’s easier. Lord knows some of what we’ve had to handle has been anything but easy. But we made a commitment to each other 10 years ago, one which many of the adults in our lives didn’t believe.

I love knowing they were wrong.

So what works?

1. He respects me. I respect him. We may not always agree, we may have different opinions, but we respect each other enough to leave well enough alone.

2. We give each other space. This one might freak him out a little more than me-I’m not a jealous person, I don’t need attention every second of the day, and I firmly believe people need their own little “world”, things to call their own. He’s come to accept, and respect, my need for a little space, which makes it easier for me to relent. Giving space is a HUGE one for me. I need my alone corner.

3. We talk. Sometimes our communication is poor-and at that point, we can tell, because things just get crappy. This has been huge with me being bipolar-it can be very easy for me to make something up and run with it. He brings me back to earth, and makes sure we talk, even if we’re then up until 2am

4. Our sex life is fantastic. Sure, we’re tired lately, and with a third person in the house, it gets weird, but when the bow-chicka-wowwow thoughts start, we’re all good. We’re at that point where we’re totally comfortable with each other. Admittedly, this took longer for me than him, but it’s so freeing! I can’t imagine losing this absolute safety in this regard. Newness has nothing on comfort. Of course, I feel strongly that great sex goes back to great communication.

5. We want the same things. Sure, some desires are divergent-I don’t get his thing for comic books, he has trouble understanding my wish to meet other bloggers, but in terms of the big things in life, we want the same simple things-a nice house to live in, a comfortable cash flow, happy children, a happy existence. Nothing fancy-just living a happy life full of warmth and ease. I could think of worse things.

6. Most importantly, we love each other. Are still in love with each other. Even after 10 years, my heart still leaps a bit when I think of him, my skin still tingles with certain thoughts. He makes me laugh, we make each other laugh. He has loved me enough to stand by me through wants for suicide, through a hospital stay, through years of undiagnosed hell. He has truly loved me enough to be strong for me when I couldn’t be. He has held me through tears, through rage, through sadness and confusion. No matter what, he has been there for me, because he loves me.

I don’t think you can ask for more than that in a partner.

I believe we’ve been successful in our marriage because we were truly friends before lovers. From the moment we met we’ve been talking-a connection made, a synergy. A bond reflected in the mobius strips on our wrists. An infinite love, even if Mogo isn’t able to put the words to it. I suppose I more than make up for it.

10 years with the same person. And I couldn’t be happier.

20 Responses to “The Tin and The Diamonds”

  1. Mad Hatter April 18, 2008 at 2:29 pm #

    Happy anniversary.

  2. charlotteotter April 18, 2008 at 2:55 pm #

    This beautiful affirmation of your relationship brought tears to my eyes. So glad you’ve got each other and congratulations!

  3. kirida April 18, 2008 at 2:56 pm #

    Hey happy anniversary!

  4. Marcy April 18, 2008 at 3:00 pm #

    Congratulations on your ten years together — and many decades more.

  5. BPD in OKC April 18, 2008 at 3:12 pm #

    Happy anniversary. I wish I could say my husband and I had as strong of a marriage as you guys.

  6. sweetsalty kate April 18, 2008 at 3:19 pm #

    This was beautiful, and happy anniversary.

    I’m glad to not be the only one whose husband thinks she is a complete nerd for wanting to meet and hang out with STRANGERS FROM THE INTERNET (duhn-duhn-DUHN!)

  7. thordora April 18, 2008 at 3:20 pm #

    You get the eye rolling action as well don’t you. 🙂

  8. Caitlin April 18, 2008 at 3:38 pm #

    Happy anniversary :). I’m always amazed at how many would rather make negative comments about people who married young, rather than support them. I have to admit that I am envious of you and Mogo, since my husband will be 39 for our tenth anniversary. Marrying the right person when you’re both young means you just get that many more years to be happy together :).

  9. Jennifer April 18, 2008 at 4:47 pm #

    Happy Anniversary!

    I get it too, this year is 15 years for us. His sisters both told us we wouldn’t last 6 months. 🙂

  10. Jen April 18, 2008 at 5:06 pm #

    Happy anniversary!

  11. Hannah April 18, 2008 at 8:04 pm #

    Maybe next year we’ll have to invite the husbands to our get-together too? I know I’m consumed with curiousity about these lovely men you’re all married to…

    This was so sweet, brought a lil’ tear to my eye.

  12. bine April 19, 2008 at 7:07 am #

    oh, how lovely. i’m so glad for both of you.
    happy anniversary, thor and mogo!

  13. meredith April 19, 2008 at 9:13 am #

    Congrats to you both. I am always so happy when I feel like people “get’ marriage. It amazes me that so many people just don’t.

    I hope you both had a great day!

  14. Bon April 19, 2008 at 3:45 pm #

    beautiful tribute, Thor.

    happy ten and happy tin to you and your diamond.

  15. marcelarhodus April 19, 2008 at 5:43 pm #

    you’re right, friendship and real communication are of the utmost importance… and good sex and love complete the picture 🙂

    I’m so happy for you both!

  16. Jenn April 20, 2008 at 6:29 am #

    happy Anniversary Thor,

    You just put in words what I have so much trouble writing down. I am sure this post warms your husbands heart. In those moments when this illness rules your world and every aspect of your life together is dropped on hold, this is the post (if I were your husband) that I would come back to in those moments for reassurance that the “real” Thor loves me this much. This post is a pricelss gift to your husband. You found a gem in him, remind him of that whenever you are able to.
    He sounds a lot like me in many respects and it is so rair to find people able to truly give of themselves who also believe in unconditional love. I am so happy that you have that.

    Congratulations on 10 years!

  17. Steph April 20, 2008 at 10:12 pm #

    A belated happy anniversary to you two! (It was my anniversary, too. Weird.)

  18. thordora April 21, 2008 at 8:00 am #

    Really? cool! 🙂

  19. thordora April 21, 2008 at 10:12 am #

    And thank you all-this likely sounds like gloating, but it’s not. We’ve grown with eachother, and work at this thing called love everyday. So many people seem to think love lasts on it’s own, but I don’t think so. Love grows with effort, just like a plant with water and care.

  20. Gwen April 21, 2008 at 4:25 pm #

    Very sweet. And good for you. You guys really do have an increasingly rare thing. Happy Anniversary!

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