“cherries abuse site: vomitcomit.wordpress.com”

15 Apr

Seeing people searching “abuse site” with my url makes me feel ill.

Sometimes I’m not brave. Sometimes I want to crawl into a closet, cover my head with someone’s dresses and pretend I’m not there. Sometimes I’m afraid, worried that the words and memories I’ve sprawled across this site, into the internet either are becoming something else, someone’s pleasure instead of my pain.

Like eyes on pictures. I hear women worrying so about their children’s pictures on the internet, and how “some perv” might be looking at them thinking those horrible pervy thoughts. It’s never bothered me, not really, aside from limiting access to certain pictures on flickr. But my stories, my words, my very life-the idea of that being exploited for someone else’s amusement or gain makes me feel very uneasy.

Someone could be searching for the story to help themselves, and I very much hope that this is the case. I hope they’re searching to not feel so alone. I hope they’re searching to find a voice.

I hope. But it’s not quelling the horrible sick feeling in my tummy right now.

 ETA: checked my email-a current reader was looking for certain details about my history, and was searching since my categories are so vague. (For reference, searching through “Things People Did” will bring up most of the badness)

So whew. Not creepy. But my thoughts on privacy and the eyes that read still exist in full…

 

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5 Responses to ““cherries abuse site: vomitcomit.wordpress.com””

  1. Jennifer April 15, 2008 at 9:57 am #

    It may be a spam spider trying to find a vulnerable post. I get weird/odd hits using my URL all the time.

  2. Mad Hatter April 15, 2008 at 11:01 am #

    Yes. I always fear what will happen to my words more than I fear what will happen to my pictures.

  3. juliepippert April 15, 2008 at 11:55 am #

    Understandable. I think a lot of people feel that way. It really could be a spam spider or a legitimate searcher.

    I’ve gotten some odd Google hits and then WHAM! and email, ‘Hey thanks for that post about…”

  4. Hannah April 15, 2008 at 11:56 am #

    This kind of makes me glad I’m too technologically inept to find out what searches are bringing people to my site.

  5. Mogo April 15, 2008 at 12:00 pm #

    creeeeeeepy…

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