43 minutes waited.

2 Apr

I stand, waiting. I don’t want to sit. I sit all day long, endless hours on an ass that just keeps on keeping on. It’s warm-that not quite spring, no longer winter warm where no clothing is appropriate and you constantly feel sick. I keep my coat on anyway.

At 40 minutes past my appointment, I decide to make a new one. I have far too much work to do without wasting hours of my life waiting for a government employee.

Of course, at that point she arrives.

No apologies, not ever. 40 minutes of my life, wasted, and she looks at me like my anger is frivolous, wasted.

No apologies.

Why is my anger never valid? Why is it always made wrong by someone else, usually a woman? Why is my time never respected, never guarded?

We talk about the usual-strained conversation as I feel less and less willing to open up to this woman. Hearing stock phrases used repeatedly clams me up further. She has no solutions. I’m tiring of this.

This is not help. I help myself. I hunt down my solutions, I pester the people I know and Dr. Google and do the rest with a shoestring, duct tape and a plastic rabbit. I make shit up. I drink my water and eat less crap. I convince myself the delusions are wrong. I convince myself that I’m ok.

She does nothing aside from nod and write and give me prescriptions. Nothing more, nothing less.

The associations of crazy are boring, tiring and ruinous.

4 Responses to “43 minutes waited.”

  1. Marcy April 3, 2008 at 8:57 am #

    That makes me really mad.

  2. thordora April 3, 2008 at 9:11 am #

    I was LIVID. The implication I always get from her is that she’s used to dealing with people who aren’t necessarily working, and she feels that she doesn’t need to worry about their time.

    Which is infuriating on both ends. I see her so I can make sure I stay stable enough to have a job. Making me late on a day when I already have work coming out of my ears isn’t helpful.

    And it’s just fucking RUDE.

  3. bine April 3, 2008 at 11:23 am #

    it is fucking rude. doctors here have to plan their schedules very tight because they’re paid really low. you rarely get called in without a wait of at least 20 minutes. i still think it’s fucking rude.

  4. Caitlin April 4, 2008 at 12:59 am #

    Ugh. My doctor tends to run 5-30 minutes behind schedule, but that’s because he does more than the two minute “What, you couldn’t have just taken Nyquil for that?” exam. It still annoys me, but at least he listens and doesn’t ask me to set up another appointment to ask questions.

    Even if your doctor hadn’t been late, I would have been angry with her for doing the bare minimum to get a patient out of the office. If the only constructive thing she’s going to do is write prescriptions and nod, she may as well recommend a counselor and call in the prescriptions. I know bipolar can’t be “cured”, but that’s no excuse for her to shirk her duties in helping you stay stable. You know, when you hear about people who are dealing with depression or bipolar, and their lives start falling apart, the first thing most people say is “Why didn’t they get help?”. I have to wonder how many of those people got stuck with a doctor like yours and did not have your drive to hunt down your own solutions.

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