Ultimately, in our webs of relationships, it is the children who will write, rewrite, and edit our scripts of life.”

9 Dec

You all just helped solidify my decision to get sterilized. I will never know the torment of grotesquely fattened preggo stomach, labour pain, or the lack odf freedom, or the sleepless nights, expenses, and ruining of my potential, all for the sake of creating another useless human. Sure, kids love ya, need ya, whatever,…..I have a loving husband, a career I love, travel, hobbies, a great dog….and still look great in a bikini at nearly 40 , and have plenty of time for beaches, parties, etc….shallow life? Nope! Just happy. And I get to CHOOSE whop I am kind to, not have it forced on me. Sooo glad I am childfree, but my condolences to you who regret parenthood but can’t admit it and hide the truth in vague protests of it all being ‘worth it’….hey, whatever gets ya through the next day trapped at home with no sitter or midnight feeding…

 Ahem.

I’m trying to wrap my head around this, I really am. I’ve always tried to understand the feeble voices squeaking out”I’m happy too! NA-NA!” from childless mouths. I’ve tried to understand why they believe attempting to point out what’s so wrong with our lives will make theirs seem better. I especially love that we’re meant to feel guilt and shame because somedays, we can’t fucking stand our children.

Well miss “happily ever after I still have a tight cooch”, there are days when yes, we all envy you. I’d love to sleep til noon. Hell, there are days I wish I WAS you-we were childless by choice prior to our accidents, so I had envisioned my life being free and open.

But, a great dog? Really? That’s what I’m missing?

I guess that no, you’ll never feel how exquisite it is to feel a life moving and growing inside of you. You’ll never realize what strength you possess as you labour your child into the world, or as you grit your teeth through their pain. You’ll never look at your body as being capable of creating, sustaining and feeding a new life. Yours will be “great in a bikini”.

Congrats.

You’ll never know what it feels like to be inspired by your children. You’ll never know what it’s like to travel with them, and see your world through new, unjaded eyes. You’ll never watch and experience your children age, and change, alter, mature. Grow into people. You get to go to a totally like cool beach party.

That was old when I was 16. If that was my life at 40, I WOULD kill myself.

Do I choose who I am kind to? Certainly I do. I’m not kind to my children most days. I do horrible things like make them clean up, eat their veggies, sit still. I choose to be kind to people who believe they are somehow superior to me because they haven’t yet grown up.

And this is exactly what this is about. Normal childfree people are, well, normal. They aren’t popping onto parenting sites and popping their arms out of the socket to pat themselves on the back. They’re out living their fabulous lives.

If you were happy, truly happy, would you be on my site trying to make all of us feel bad?

Parenting is hard-one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I haven’t “ruined my potential creating another useless human”. I’ve grown. I’ve become a bigger and better person because I have had children. My abilities have increased, I have more marketable skills, and more of a drive to create additional ones.

And useless human. Wow. You aren’t jealous on some level at all. That level of bile is usually reserved for people who eat dog. While I don’t really believe my children will be Marie Curie or anything, we don’t really know who might be carrying to next great something in their heads. Maybe just another useless human, who knows?

Since having my kids, my exposure to the childfree has proved one thing. I’m damn glad I had kids so I didn’t turn into a smug, self righteous asshat who will die alone because no one can stand to be around such a crappy personality for any length of time.

I’ll take the lack of a sitter, thanks. My time with my kids is important to me, even when they drive me nuts. Because at least I’m not you darling.

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29 Responses to “Ultimately, in our webs of relationships, it is the children who will write, rewrite, and edit our scripts of life.””

  1. Gabriel... December 9, 2007 at 11:08 pm #

    I noticed the remark when it came up in the “my comments” section… it seems pretty over the top. Troll-like even. I doubt this idiot was too serious about the “sterilization” thing, or their desire to remain childless as a choice. Last time I checked those midnight feedings stop as the kid gets older… my parents travel around Europe and Canada at least once a year, have a great home and entertain friends and family quite often. People get lost in the moments and forget there’s a next year, as if this screaming fascist ball of humanity will always scream at the same pitch and tone and with the same incomprehensible message. Either she did what she says she did, or she’s just saying it to get a rise out of you and Us, but the person who wrote the comment is a fool.

  2. radical mama December 9, 2007 at 11:11 pm #

    Oh, how I love you, thordora. 🙂

  3. sweetsalty kate December 10, 2007 at 12:36 am #

    One-handed typing thanks to a midnight feeding, and I have to say how sorry I feel for this frustrated, bitter soul. A fool, yes, but still, a pitiable one, and clearly one consumed with self-loathing and scared shitless to boot.

    I love the way his eyes roll into the back of his head. It is pure, unadulterated crack.

  4. Eden December 10, 2007 at 2:45 am #

    Meh. People are idiots. I have two kids, a tight cooch and a very happy life. I hope she does get sterilized. It will be good for the gene pool.

  5. marcelarhodus December 10, 2007 at 6:16 am #

    very well said Thordora!

  6. cerebralmum December 10, 2007 at 8:03 am #

    Plenty of time for the beaches and partying… and writing idiotic garbage like this. Hard to believe she had any potential to ruin in the first place.

  7. thordora December 10, 2007 at 10:26 am #

    I just don’t get it…I will never understand why people dump and run on websites-and this feeling superior bit just screams of inadequacy. It’s like jehovahs at the door-I don’t go to their house and annoy them, so why are they at mine?

  8. Netter December 10, 2007 at 10:43 am #

    Since when is a tight cooch a life goal?

  9. thordora December 10, 2007 at 10:55 am #

    Since when has childbirth caused a loose one? Kegels people, kegels.

  10. radical mama December 10, 2007 at 2:06 pm #

    “Since when has childbirth caused a loose one?” I have the same question. What is all this talk lately about vaginal construction after childbirth and whatnot? John thought I was absolutely dellusional when I asked him if he noticed a difference before and after childbirth.

  11. thordora December 10, 2007 at 2:15 pm #

    Yet another way to make women feel terrible about themselves. Even more charming when this myth is perpetrated on women by other women.

    The day I worry about my looks “down there” is the same day I drink drano. People wonder why our society seems to be eating itself. Heh. People really need to wonder?

  12. Jen December 10, 2007 at 3:31 pm #

    You know, I’m nursing about every hour to two hours overnight and completely exhausted and I’d STILL not trade being a mother for anything.

    Oh, and the whole paranoia about how tight one’s nethers are just irks the hell out of me. I think it was Christine Northrup who noted that everybody just accepts that men’s genitals expand and contract but somehow think it’s all freaky and unnatural that women’s do too. Fuck that shit.

  13. Jennifer December 10, 2007 at 4:47 pm #

    *sigh*

    My aunt never had children. Not sure if she regrets that. I think as she gets older she really does regret it. She’s never once held herself in higher esteem than those who do though. If anything she’s in awe of people like me who went to university while having a little one at home.

    People are weird. And I agree with the above, one less fruitcake contributing to the gene pool.

  14. Bon December 10, 2007 at 4:59 pm #

    beautifully said, sister.

    and erm…yes well, the kegels don’t reconstruct everything, but like you said, if my goal in life was showing off my tightie at a beach party at 40, then wow.

    i hope the hit & run commenter finds happiness. none of us is trying to take it from her.

  15. thordora December 10, 2007 at 5:02 pm #

    That’s what REALLY eats at me Bon-the childless people I know-I wish them the best! I think it’s awesome that they know what they want, and that they find fulfillment in things other than their family.

  16. Granny December 10, 2007 at 6:09 pm #

    To quote the Bard:

    “The lady doth protest too much, methinks”

    She’s as entitled to her choice as any of us but why does she find it necessary to criticize and then run?

    Great post (and so was the one below about Christmas and faith). I’ve been a little behind on reading lately.

  17. daureen December 10, 2007 at 10:37 pm #

    What a brilliant and provocative post. I put a link to it in my blog. 🙂

  18. Sybil Law December 10, 2007 at 11:26 pm #

    It’s really just a shame that whoever wrote that excrement – that her mother didn’t get her tubes tied before having that useless bitch. Still looking good in a bikini at 40 – whoo! – but that is debatable. $10 says her husband leaves her for a 20 something year old not quite as “superior” and condescending. And one who looks better in a bikini!

  19. Hannah December 11, 2007 at 10:00 am #

    Um, WOW. I just can’t believe that. Sometimes I’m sad that I don’t have more readers but then I remember than in the 10 months I’ve been blogging, I’ve never been drive-by bitch-slapped like that. And I think “meh, I’ll keep my seven friendly readers and be happy”.

    I have childless friends. And I give them props for knowing that parenthood is not for them. I certainly don’t deride them for making that decision. I expect the same courtesy in return.

    I hope for the sake of all that is holy that this self-hating wench doesn’t accidentally get pregnant.

  20. N December 11, 2007 at 11:26 am #

    People like that should NOT reproduce. Bottom line. Way to stick her the fact, girl! 😉

  21. bine December 11, 2007 at 2:36 pm #

    i’ve been reluctant to comment on this because i’m childless by choice myself and wasn’t sure if i’d get torn apart for saying so, but i’ll give it a try.
    she’s a fool for sure. if looking great in a bikini and having a great dog are her ultimate goals in life, i guess that’s just what she deserves.
    i never gave birth but have to live with a bikini line scar nevertheless. shit happens. it might happen to her, too.
    what really makes me mad is that she assumes all people who have children, who go through labor pain, sleepless nights and all the “expenses” (wtf?) create just “another useless human”. her parents sure did. and for what? to be offended like this in return? i guess if they would read this they would undertake the slapping for you.
    i love children. my decision not to have children doesn’t have anything to do with that. it’s entirely personal. i just wasn’t sure enough if i was “mommy material” to have any. i guess if there had been an accident, i would have made a fine mom, but i’m pretty sure there would have been days where i would have fucking hated my children too. and i do envy you all for being able to see your kids grow up, to see the world through their eyes.
    but, as hannah says, i leave people alone with my reasons for childlessness, and i expect them to do the same. it rarely works that way. people look at you in that “whyever not?” way and generally assume that you hate children.
    i think if this person reads the need to get sterilized into your “i cannot handle …” post and has to voice it in this drive-by way, she must be pretty frustrated.

  22. thordora December 11, 2007 at 2:51 pm #

    Sexually I imagine. 🙂 Or at least hope.

    I always wonder why people don’t have kids-but it’s more of a curious question, wanting to know why someone chose it. Not so I could judge them-but because I’m honestly curious.

    I never wanted children because I was desperately afraid of screwing them up, or hurting them. It didn’t make me a bad person-most people who are childless put a LOT more thought into NOT having them than people who have them do. I can respect a decision which is years in the making, and always have.

  23. bine December 11, 2007 at 4:58 pm #

    i wanted children very badly at one point in my life, it just didn’t happen because i had the wrong partner for it. later it dawned on me that i had wanted them to fill the emptiness in my life caused by my mother’s death. after that i just felt i couldn’t trust my own motives any more. too many people have children just to fill a void in their life and later blame them for not being able to.
    i’m not sure if i was afraid of screwing them up, i think i was more afraid of screwing myself up. when i had the opportunity to start over – when that relationship broke up and i could have gone for a man to have children with – i felt i needed to make a new start, but not one where i would have to be responsible for children. today i am sure it was a good decision.

  24. Nat December 13, 2007 at 8:12 pm #

    I posted on my blog… http://neastwood.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!419C96F45030BED7!9577.entry#comment

    Very thought provoking! It made me dissect my own decisions!

    AND I got some replies from an anonymous bitter reader of my own!!!

  25. meredith December 15, 2007 at 10:45 pm #

    Just popped over and read this. I think Granny had it right. At some point, who goes to a site just to point out that you are not like them?

    You don’t see me stalking Right Wing Jesus Fanatics’ sites and commenting on them, do you?

    Honestly, take responsibility for your own life and move on.

  26. thordora December 17, 2007 at 3:27 pm #

    I just don’t get it. I really don’t.

  27. Helen September 19, 2008 at 3:59 pm #

    Trying to read this post from her perspective (the childless one’s), I feel that what she is trying to project is that by being childless, she is more sexy than moms. She wants to cling to this hope to justify her not having children.

    Sadly for her, that hope is so untrue. Look at all the gorgeous sexy moms out there, including myself. 🙂 (OK, I exaggerate with regard to myself.) Many of us actually look better and enjoy sex more after we have kids: who knows why?

    Many of my mom-friends and I have all had the experience of being hit on by men MORE after we had our kids, even by men who knew we had kids. Having children does nothing to diminish our appeal; in many cases, it enhances our appeal. Hooray for us!

  28. Rhodes September 7, 2012 at 2:35 am #

    Ever considered what it might be like for people who can’t have kids? They have to find their joy in other ways, and some of those ways may be exactly the ones she posted here. Your vitriolic responses betray your realities.

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