Middling Monday

29 Oct

This early in the morning it’s quiet at work, and dark. I have time to kill before I actually need to start working, and I spend it trying to wake myself up, and trying to quell the slightly nauseous feeling in my stomach. The air vents can be heard at this time of the morning, when no one is talking, or typing, aside from me.

My eyes can barely hold themselves open-the bus ride here was spent shaking myself awake, staring at the beige backs of men and the flouncy heads of women, everyone silent in their morning routine. I’d stare at them harder and think of magical stories to tell about their lives, but I haven’t the energy. It’s Monday.

This morning, walking to the bus stop, I thought to myself, “If this isn’t the life I imagined living, if it isn’t what I ever wanted, then why do I live it? Why do I drag my ass out every monring to do something I’m not passionate about, something I don’t, at the end of the day, care for?”

I don’t have the answer either, aside from “Cause I have to”.

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3 Responses to “Middling Monday”

  1. radical mama October 29, 2007 at 10:03 am #

    You’re just biding your time, babe, until you take the midwifery world by storm. 🙂 When you start feeling better, maybe some night classes are in order?

    We all do this sometimes, even with thing we DO love. I’ve thought that same thing over the last couple of years, staying home with the girls. I’m just bored now.

  2. Nat October 29, 2007 at 7:03 pm #

    You banged the nail on the head, girl. Just like the rest of us, you work cause you have to. Sometimes you like your job, sometimes you don’t. But at the end of the day, it pays the bills. I hear you. I’m there. I ask myself the same question every day. 😉

  3. marcelarhodus October 30, 2007 at 6:32 am #

    we do what we have to, to get what we need.

    we must make sacrifices here and there, no matter who you are.

    moving one foot in front of the other gives us the momentum to go for those things we want…. even if the movement is slow and seems pointless.

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