Here comes the kids again…

11 Sep

Our blissful dream existence of no kids for the weekend is ending today.

Sigh

I wish I could say I missed the desperately, that I craved their little bodies near me. Nope.

I wish I could say that the house sounded empty without their voices.

Hell no. It was bliss, waking up to silence, eating without whining, having dinner and not starting the great bedroom fights of “GO TO BED!”

I’m a bad mother, but I didn’t miss my children at all. Instead, I was reminding myself that having children made me a better person, and that I shouldn’t still wish I never had any.

There, I said it. Not having them around made me wish they weren’t around.

I’m so full up on my kids. It’s like I’m a vial, and I’m full to the brim with them. With little hands, loud voices, poo. I’m overwhelmed and overflowing, without a vent. I’m not meant for the day to day drudgery of children. Or at least, I’m not meant to be a parent and a worker. It was wonderful, being able to focus on work and do some catch up all weekend. I’ve missed not having to split my priorities.

And they’ll have missed me, and terribly at that. How do I manage to inspire this clinging allegiance? Is it because I don’t want it? Is it like how when you already have a boyfriend, suddenly other people are interested? Because they want what that can’t have?

I’m mainly tired of being beholden to another creature. I’m tired of feeding them, dressing them, wiping bums and cheeks.

It’s been a nice break. I feel rotten because I haven’t missed them, and because I want it to continue.

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5 Responses to “Here comes the kids again…”

  1. thefictionalblog September 11, 2007 at 8:53 pm #

    Don’t feel guilty. It’s okay to love the space away from your kids and it’s okay to want more. After all, while they can’t remember an existence without you, you had one before them and that makes all the difference.

  2. nell September 11, 2007 at 8:53 pm #

    that first comment was actually me – sorry.

  3. Caitlin September 11, 2007 at 11:40 pm #

    I was kind of wondering if you identify as introvert. I’m introverted, and being around a boisterous 2 year old all day leaves me feeling as drained as going to a frat party did. It’s just not something I can keep up without finding a quiet place to recharge. When I take my trips, I don’t miss Paul, because that’s my recharging space.

    He doesn’t seem to miss me either, while I’m gone. I’m not sure if it’s just a shared personality quirk, or just a result of spending 99% of his waking hours together. We actually enjoy being around each other more after I go away for a weekend.

    There’s nothing wrong with needing a break from your kids. Most of my friends who have kids and family in the area actually take more breaks from their kids, but they’re shorter ones, so no one expects them to miss their kids for the small breaks. But for parents like us, we have to compress our small breaks into weekend sized chunks and it’s hard for people to remember we aren’t taking the small breaks too. (If that makes sense.)

  4. thordora September 12, 2007 at 8:46 am #

    I’m totally introverted unless I’m very hypomanic. I rarely miss my children. It’s not like I’m heartbroken when they’re back, but I do enjoy my space.

    And dude, you NEVER used your GC for Creative Wanderings??!?!?

  5. Marcy September 12, 2007 at 9:43 am #

    I wonder if you could schedule and enforce some you time… where the kids must play by themselves and quietly… I have no idea how you would go about starting that, but it seems it would help you a bunch.

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