28 Aug

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6 Responses to “”

  1. Gabriel... August 28, 2007 at 5:03 pm #

    I just replied to your message…

    The easiest thing is to let the warmth of depression take you under its blanket and revel in how easy it is to lose yourself under it… but you’ve got some tools now to beat the fucking thing back. You’ve got the tools now to know it isn’t real. You’ve got the tools now to see that you’ve done nothing to deserve the depression. You may be just starting your recovery, but you know

    The most important thing is understanding you’ve been where you are before and you’ve survived every one. You’ve had major episodes before, you know that, and every one of them ends. If yours lasted hours before, this one will probably last about the same time. You may be experiencing the first one in a longish time, so maybe you’ve forgotten some of the brutal parts, but you’ll survive this one as well.

    Dora, you’ll get through today and tomorrow and next week because you’ve had the strength and fortitude to get through the last thirty years. Nothing has changed in the past few hours or days or weeks to make you a weaker person. Everything you’ve done in the past few months to take control over the disease is making you stronger.

  2. Gabriel... August 28, 2007 at 5:09 pm #

    *…but you know YOU KNOW all of the depressions thrown at you by this disease are fake. They have no reason so you can’t reason with them. So you have to fight them. And right now, right now, that means using your strength, your character, to get your ass out of bed and off the couch and forcing yourself to live your life. It’s a test of Wills now Dora. You are stronger than this disease and you know this because You, Dora, have survived this disease for so long. You’ve taken every knife it has shoved into your mind and kept going. And now, for months, you’ve been actively taking back your life from it, it may not feel like it right now but you’re in control now Dora, everything it throws at you from now on is pure illusion.

  3. thordora August 28, 2007 at 5:16 pm #

    Thanks Gabriel. I needed a pep talk today, which is why I harassed you in the first place. 🙂

    I know it’s no more real than any of the acid trips I had in my youth. Doesn’t make it any less sucky.

  4. Gabriel... August 28, 2007 at 5:35 pm #

    Just as long as you know “sucky” doesn’t mean real. You’ve been really down on yourself recently but nothing you’ve been going through warrants any kind of major depression… it’s easier to fight this thing back when you just start repeating “it’s not real, it’s definitely sucky, but it’s not real, this thing has no power.”

    I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but this is also a pretty decent reason why you shouldn’t be dealing with any issues which may cause a clinical or real depression… you might go into a fake one and confuse it with a real one. One day at a time. Feel free to print off anything that helped and nail it to your door… or maybe make it into a tattoo on your forearm, maybe with some flames and a Go-Go Girl. That’d be awesome.

  5. Carin August 29, 2007 at 12:42 pm #

    confused. I see nothing in this post. It’s just blank for this blink over here. But hope you’re ok, Dora.

  6. thordora August 29, 2007 at 3:25 pm #

    It’s a video of a song by Stars. I’m ok. Really. 🙂

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