I’m still….

29 Jul

…sweaty….the heat wave keeps on keeping on. Sigh. Fat + summer=BAD.

…in hyper organize/purge/nest mode. I’ve never cleaned out this much crap in my life. Is this what normal people do? You know, actually clean up and throw stuff out? Look out world, so I’ll be knocking out walls and shit.

…knitting baby blanket number 2. The babies are already out, but since it’s a fricken heat wave, I doubt she’ll need heavy blankies. I’ll post before I block, since I might muck them up when I block them (how the hell can I tug them AND keep them steady as I iron over a wet towel? WTF?)

…wondering why my granny squares come out all uneven, even when I try to block them.

…hoping that these drugs are starting to work. Please please please.

….wanting to die when I go out in the sun. And wanting to burn my fucking irritating piece of crap from hell lawnmower which dies every 20 feet or so. ARGH!

…amazed at how good Pink Floyd really was. (it’s on the radio-I’m not smoking crack) If anything will make you manic depressive, it’s those guys. Fuck.

…getting old. I’ll be 30 in 2 months. THIRTY. Where the hell did the last ten years go? And Vivian will be FOUR this coming month. Time you fickle whore, where did you run off to?

…awake. Shortly after taking my anti-psychotic, I can doze off like someone in their first trimester. But as the night wears on, I become awake. Weird.

…not caring about Blogher. Sorry ladies. It gives me the heebie jeebies, that much estrogen in one area, that many people in any one place. And the giggles. I can only imagine the giggles.

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5 Responses to “I’m still….”

  1. cherylann July 30, 2007 at 9:47 am #

    The greatest line EVER!! (you should get greeting cards made)

    “Time you fickle whore, where did you run off to?”

    That had me smiling ear to ear!

  2. bine July 30, 2007 at 11:01 am #

    i tend to go into into organize/purge/nest mode whenever ireach a certain state of unhappiness about my overall situation. up to that point it makes me lethargic, depressed, then at one point i get into some kind of uncluttering frenzy.
    i think you want to make a new start, you want things to work out, and purging your home creates a good setting for that.
    there must be something to this buddhist line “the chaos about you is but the confusion within you”. it works the other way ’round, too. cleaning and organizing my surroundings always makes me feel a little straightened out inside, too.

    i had that same realization about pink floyd a couple of weeks ago when there was a special on tv about psychedelic music from the sixties. some of the pre-eighties stuff throws me into a trance without any drugs needed.

    i actually seem to have gotten rid of most of my sleep problems by starting an exercise habit. burns off a few pounds, too. i know, for you it’s probably mainly caused by the drugs, but i was amazed how good it worked.
    i also very much wish for those drugs to work for you. it’s sure time you saw some blue sky.

    oh, and i second cherylann. beautiful line. i’ll be forty next year. time you fickle whore … i still feel like thirty.

  3. Heather (AmeriMama) July 30, 2007 at 11:14 am #

    I’ll be 27 next year, and even at my “tender” age I agree that time is a fickle whore. (I also concur that that’s a beautiful line) My baby will be three in less than a month.

    I never got into Pink Floyd until just recently. I’m enjoying them now, even if I’ve left it a bit late.

  4. radicalmama July 30, 2007 at 4:46 pm #

    I am not missing BlogHer at all. I’m reading everyone’s posts about it and I have to say, I’m glad I kept my $xxxx and stayed home.

  5. thordora July 30, 2007 at 5:08 pm #

    Not a club I want to belong too. Now, if we had NutsoHER, I might attend. 🙂

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