9 Jul

So I had to refuse a drug today.

After returning from my weekend at home and mentioning that I had been low level, Eeyore like depressed all weekend, the doctor snuck something onto my chart.

The dreaded Celexa monster.

There is no way in hell I am taking that again. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have ZERO release for your self, to be unable to cry or orgasm or really let go in anyway?

It does not help me in the long run. It makes the people around me feel better, but it leaves me feeling like there’s a little girl trapped inside me screaming to be let out. It’s frustrating, and ultimately counterproductive. I will not take it. I will stamp my feet like a 2 year old if need be.

I’m bored again, but after the weekend, I felt that I was better off coming back here than staying home. I felt too troubled.

13 Responses to “Nu-uh.”

  1. bine July 9, 2007 at 3:29 pm #

    i can imagine you don’t want to take that again. i remember how frustrated you were about not being able to cry. and hell, who wants to live without orgasms?

    how did they react to your refusal? i mean, they should appreciate if you already have experiences with a drug and say why you believe it’s not good for you. did they come up with an alternative?

    it’s good for you that you know what you want, and what you don’t want. let them come up with something else. there’s a bazillion different drugs on the market. they just have to leave their well-trod paths and look around.

    good luck to you. i’m thinking of you every day, every hour. i hope you find back to a “you” you want to live with.

  2. eric July 9, 2007 at 8:23 pm #

    No wonder I’m not having orgasms.

  3. Stu Mark July 9, 2007 at 8:29 pm #

    You sound good. I know you’re not in the place you want to be, but it always seems a good sign when you can easily assert your person-hood. Thanks for blogging so clearly, it’s very inspiring. Maybe I should blog about my meds. Hmmm…

  4. tulip July 9, 2007 at 8:33 pm #

    God I hated that drug. I also had that problem with Paxil. It was awful. Stay strong on that one.

  5. bon July 9, 2007 at 9:05 pm #

    good for you for putting your foot down on drugs you know very well are not going to make you feel better. you’re quite right…there’s a difference between something meant to help YOU and something meant to make people around you more comfortable…and if you feel like a 2 year old screaming girl inside on Celexa, i can’t see how that actually works to your benefit.


    too troubled…i hope they’re able to help you find a way through that feeling. and soon. so glad you’re giving it a chance.

  6. CharmingDriver July 9, 2007 at 9:51 pm #

    Hells yeah stomp your foot about what doesn’t work; there isn’t an amount of money I would take to ”try” Zoloft again because: Crazy times 458594894 = Me on Zoloft.

    Hang in there.

  7. Jason Dufair July 9, 2007 at 11:17 pm #

    Glad you’re able to recognize that you still need to be back. I really hope it’s helping.

  8. aikaterine July 10, 2007 at 12:33 am #

    I’m new to you. Just wanted to drop a line of support for refusing meds that do not work for you. Too few of us take charge of our doctors when we know we should. It’s a balance. Keep it up.

  9. eric July 10, 2007 at 2:59 am #

    re: tulip

    I will never touch Paxil and it’s whacked up withdrawl ever again.

  10. peppylady July 10, 2007 at 12:02 pm #

    I think Celexa is what they put my client on. So far so good I guess.
    I’m not sure how the dosage work on celexa but she now on lower dosage.
    She was taking exlaistor (Sorry about the spelling)
    More about my client over at my blog

  11. thordora July 10, 2007 at 12:27 pm #

    They were pretty easy about the Celexa. I think instead they’re gonna try the Risperdol (I’m spelling that wrong I’m sure) My doc here is actually pretty cool.

    Paxil is the fucking devil.

  12. Karen July 10, 2007 at 11:44 pm #

    I have clinical depression so I am well aquainted with these drugs. I attempted suicide on Paxil. Zoloft worked for me then stopped working. I am on Effexor now which has been awesome (I’ve cried appropriately and I’ve had orgasms!) but my insurance has decided they are no longer going to cover it. CRAP! Just so you know, statistically it takes 3 medication changes before a person finds the right one for them.

  13. Nat July 11, 2007 at 1:02 pm #

    Glad you’ve still got enough spunk to say ‘no thanks’ to the bad drug. 🙂

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