Slant of Green

9 Jun

It’s end of the day tired that makes me think. These days, not so long ago, when I was running naked in the yard, my mother alive, sitting, watching me. The soft warmth of air through greener leaves.

That summer light. That glorious, diamond light bouncing from leaf to leaf, settling on the water.

It’s the end of the day tired that reaches my legs, that echoes through me the moment I get up to do another something (more play soap! wipe my bum! ACK!!!! more yogie!). It’s a reminder of the times already past, the days I won’t be able to gather around me, the light that will never be the same, the whispers of myself around me.

It’s the end of the day that makes me hopeful, allows me to look kindly at the drooping eyelids of my firstborn and remember that tired. The sunshine tired, the dirty park tired. The tired from running and running and running with the wind entwined in you, running to some place in the future you don’t know that you’ll never want.

It’s the end of the day that makes me remember. Recall, superimpose my childhood on theirs, tears in my eyes. The quiet nights sitting on the steps with my mother, sitting still to feed the squirrels. Her warm arm pressed up against mine, leaning. How large and omnipotent she sat in my eyes. How woefully ignorant I am of her.

It’s the end of the day that brings me full circle. Child, child of lost mother, mother of child. A circle I do not want to continue, a circle that shall be eclipsed by the moon my daughters point to, and the worlds they will touch.

4 Responses to “Slant of Green”

  1. mercurial scribe June 9, 2007 at 8:14 pm #

    *deep & empathetic sigh* I feel you.

    ryc: Normally, walks helps. But being that I’m a total gimp right now… not helping my case any. :-/ Normally I would go for a deeply punishing run and feel tremendously better by tomorrow for it.

    Alas, I can’t. The two words that echo through everything right now…

  2. jkdufair June 9, 2007 at 9:22 pm #

    “The sunshine tired, the dirty park tired”. Captures my 3 tonight perfectly.

    Another outstanding post, Thor. You have a true gift. Thanks for sharing it with us. These are the reason I come back to your blog over and over again (not to mention the cute pics of your kids)

  3. cherylann June 10, 2007 at 8:45 am #

    I loved this post. I know exactly what you mean. There is also nothing better than the smell of the sun and wind on my little Bean’s skin.

  4. thordora June 11, 2007 at 10:28 am #

    I have to say this is actually a post I’m mostly pleased with. I captured, for me at least, a day in the life, the light in my eyes at that moment.

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