One fine day

13 Apr

My wedding anniversary is coming soon. Next week actually.

9 years. We’ve been together 9 YEARS. Yes, this blows my mind as well.

We married young. I could tell that many of the people at the wedding thought it was a waste of time, that we’d break up only too soon, that we were too young to know what love REALLY is.

Hmm. Funny. 9 years later, I think we’re happier than we were, and we have two awesome daughters. 9 years later, I have never regretted, not once, my husband, or my choice to marry him. 9 years later, I’m still as much in love with him, if not more, than I was when we recited our handwritten vows, our hands shaking, our cheeks blushed.

After reading snickollet, I released how much my life is full with him, how lost I would be without him. Oddly enough, I had a dream a few days ago that he and the girls died. I was lost, floating in sadness and anger and grief, and unable to come down from it.

My fear of 30, my fear of the blackness that has always stood behind it, makes me worry for what this year will bring. It makes me worry that I will lose him. And I will not know what to do-what do you do if half of your heart dies? If a place previously filled is empties, leaving only the echo of a wordless love?

I’m paranoid, likely inspired by the switch to a new med, and the resulting chaos that ensues for awhile. But after 9 years of relative peace (and for me, it IS relative) I find this tiny voice at the back of my head nudging me to appreciate what I have, telling me to remind him how much I love him, how lost I’d be without him, since anytime I could lose him.

9 years. I have no idea what to give him to show my love, aside from my words. 9 years have gone so quickly, it’s like dust swept from a table.

I want more-I want years and years together, I want us to sit on our porch and throw pebbles as rotten kids, swaying in our rockers. I want us to, together, hold our grandchildren in our arms, and possibly, our great-grandchildren.

I want all the time in the world, I want time to stop, distraction removed, just us in a second that never ends. Somehow, I found the one person in the world who completes me, and I’m terrified I will lose him, since my life is a story of loss in someways. The fact that I let myself love him is amazing enough.

9 years later-and all I want from him is forever.

5 Responses to “One fine day”

  1. Missy April 13, 2007 at 6:35 pm #

    (Sigh)–this is so nice. So very nice.

  2. Nat April 13, 2007 at 9:14 pm #

    That was super nice…. Ash and I are only pushing year 4, but I can already relate to what you’re saying.

  3. Jason Dufair April 13, 2007 at 10:50 pm #

    Here come those tears again. You are truly blessed, Thor. May your marriage last your lifetime and may both of your lifetimes be long. Happy, happy anniversary.

  4. Venessa April 14, 2007 at 10:32 pm #

    Beautiful post, dora. Cheers to you guys!

  5. luckymud April 14, 2007 at 11:15 pm #

    That was really sweet. My man and I have been together for 7.5 years now, and by our 9th dating anniversary we’ll be fresh-faced (and probably tired-as-heck) newlyweds. My parents were pretty much sick of each other after 9 years of marriage, so your post gives me hope that we’ll be just as in love after that many years. Congratulations on your anniversary!

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