“why is guelph a fantastic city to live in”

2 Mar

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It’s NOT! OMFG I HATE HATE HATE HATE Guelph. OOOH! Hate it SOOOOO much. It’s dirty, it’s screwed up from someone reading the wrong plans, I can’t navigate in that city, AND it’s full of annoying, full of themself student “activists”.

I cannot begin to explain how irritating I find Guelph to be.

41 Responses to ““why is guelph a fantastic city to live in””

  1. ann adams March 2, 2007 at 1:12 pm #

    I had to Google Guelph. It sounded familiar but I didn’t know why.

  2. Carin March 2, 2007 at 4:38 pm #

    I agree about the dirty, full of themselves student activists, but somehow, I can find some good in this town. I know you’ll call the men in the white coats, but I dread the day when I may have to leave.

  3. Kimberly March 2, 2007 at 5:14 pm #


    I think Guelph is cute. In an “I like to drive through it on my way to Toronto” kind of way. But that’s cuz I’m from London and we all know that that is THE cultural center of SW Ontario 😉

  4. thordora March 2, 2007 at 6:44 pm #

    Well, Storybook Village is….

  5. feartheseeds March 2, 2007 at 7:20 pm #

    What the fuck are you doing in Guelph?!? Holy shit woman, get the fuck out of there!! What are you thinking? Do Not Go To The Stoneroad Mall… good God. Have you read The Tribune, or The Mercury yet? Have you been shouted at by a UofG lefty radical yet? There’s three things about Guelph worth doing: 1) The Trasheteria, 2) The Chinese Restaurant beside The Trasheteria, but only after The Trash has closed for the night and 3) Leaving.

    Guelph? Ontario? Really? WTF?

  6. thordora March 2, 2007 at 8:11 pm #

    I don’t live there.

    I reiterate. I DO NOT LIVE THERE.

    My husband used to, and he hated it. He’s got some good stories from it at least.

  7. feartheseeds March 2, 2007 at 8:25 pm #

    Holy crap, that was a close call. My biological paternal parental unit lives in Guelph. Most of those “full of themself student activists” consider him to be their godfather. They’re welcome to him. Guelph. Fuck. Most of the saltedlithium site is actually about stuff that started there. But that Chinese food place is nice at 4am. They’d put a cart just inside the restaurant, I think it was a buck an item. So for five bucks you get sixteen or so fat fried chicken wings and a Coke. Perfect for an urban picnic on the church steps while watching the police bust some heads.
    Was your Dude there for school or did he grow up there?

    • Joe Momma August 17, 2013 at 11:33 pm #

      “My biological paternal parental unit”

      “They’re welcome to him”

      You can’t write worth a damn.

      • Gabriel August 24, 2013 at 2:07 am #

        Awww… did I hurt someone’s feelings? Seeing as how he abandoned me and my two brothers, I can’t go ahead and refer to him as “my father”, can I?

  8. Carin March 2, 2007 at 8:28 pm #

    Wow! That’s some serious Guelph venom. I read the mercury, and I agree we have our share of idiots, but that disease seems to be spreading. And yes, I’ve been yelled at by a few lefties, but that disease also seems to be spreading.

  9. feartheseeds March 2, 2007 at 8:42 pm #

    How many “vomiting comets” are there? I’m sure Guelph has it’s nice sides… there are many nice gardens in Guelph, for example. And there is Chinese food at 4am. And the oldest of my brothers and two of my sisters were born there. That was nice. I had sex in Guelph on a number of occasions. Those were all nice. I think that’s it though. Oh… the library always had current issues of magazines I like. Oh yeah, the girls behind the counter at the Second Cup near the university campus. They were nice.

  10. Carin March 3, 2007 at 8:13 am #

    that’s how I started reading Thordora. We discovered that we were both vomiting comets or comits on blogspot. Ours got named after a bus on Younge Street however ya spell it. One day I went to show someone our blog, and they found Thordora’s. Strange small world.

  11. feartheseeds March 3, 2007 at 8:51 am #

    Oh shit… the Vomit Comet… the late night/early morning bus in Toronto. Of course. Duhr. That’s hilarious. Wherever I lived in Tronna that bus made sure I got home. I loved that bus. Awesome. The one I took most was on College. I took the one on Bloor once in a while as well. It depended on which Boozecan we finished at. That’d be a decent name for a blog as well… boozecan.blah.com

  12. thordora March 3, 2007 at 9:42 am #

    my dude grew up near Guelph, and had a radio show there, so it made sense for him to move there after high school before “secondary” ed.

    I’ve just never liked the place, but hey, I like K-W so…..

  13. Jerry March 9, 2007 at 11:48 pm #

    Actually the story about Guelph being built to the wrong city plans is a myth.

  14. thordora March 10, 2007 at 7:26 am #

    Really? Well, that makes me feel better at least. Good story though. 🙂

  15. Johnny March 27, 2007 at 4:13 pm #

    Guelph is a weird town. I find the locals never leave and the student body- well just like everywhere else- just too enlightened for words!!!!. God , I hate University students. How is it that people under 20 think they can solve all the world’s problems – If that was the case wouldn’t we all be living in Utopia by now? Anyway- the people there seem to think Guelph is the only place on earth – “a lot of big fish in that small pond”. Guelph can be nice to look at though-the Church of Our Lady is beautiful. I am sooo glad I dont live there anymore…..

  16. witch March 27, 2007 at 4:21 pm #

    nice one Johnny. I agree

  17. thordora March 27, 2007 at 4:23 pm #

    I thought that same thing the first time I was there-wow, what a great city! I even considered going to school there.

    heh. That went out the window once I was there. It’s sad really.

  18. feartheseeds March 27, 2007 at 5:04 pm #

    That giant church on the hill with the two towers… did anyone else think it looked like a giant Catholic Decepticon Transformer just waiting for a signal before unleashing the Rapture? The Guelph we all seem to dislike with intensity started with the Draft Dodgers coming North. Then the Lefty’s moved into the area to get away from urban Toronto then they got together and took over the UofG campus. That whole area from about 1968 to 1985 was thick with Commune’s and Collectives. Before that it was just farms and gardens. And The Denim. The Denim has always been there.

  19. Cindyxd October 12, 2009 at 10:47 am #

    guelph is such a big pain in the ass.

    If u go to high school here in guelph everybody there is all about ‘SPORTS’ OR IF UR ON A ‘TEAM SPORT’ like u’ll seem to be popular is ur good in a sport or if ur on a sport’s team.

    people in my high school seem to be so ‘judgemental’ and they seem so racist to people who are asian,black, like people who aren’t white.. people here in guelph who are popular are usually blond or brunette. ‘a whity’

    its so f**kin annoying.

    i wish i lived in america or toronto at least im far away from this f***ing little city..

    • Joe Momma August 17, 2013 at 11:36 pm #

      US is far more racist than Guelph.

  20. Kirstin October 12, 2009 at 10:50 am #

    omg cindy lol i can’t believe they have this kind of topic of guelph. ya i feeel u 2 i mean guelph can be a fucked up place to live in.

  21. UoG graduate October 14, 2009 at 8:55 pm #

    Wow, what a bunch of losers. Have you been anywhere outside of southern Ontario? Guelph is actually really nice. Hmm let see, compared to what, Hamilton, Orangeville, Brampton, London, Bahahahahaha. Those places are holes.

    Jealous of university students me thinks. Go ahead drop out of HS, move to TO and see how shitty it really is. Too bad you don’t realize how good Guelph is, maybe someday you’ll turn 15 and run away to Toronto and become a squeejee kid.

  22. Peter October 21, 2009 at 1:32 pm #

    Guelph is a hole. Always has been…always will be. It’s boring as piss unless cow tipping appeals to you. The perpetual 35 year old unemployed artsy protest students are actually the highlight of the town…everybody else seems backward and semi-retarded…especially City Council.
    Here’s an idea…build a cross-town highway that doesn’t have lights that make you stop every 50 meters! What a pain in the ass!
    Dumb town…dumb people…

  23. ElBeelzebub February 19, 2010 at 5:08 am #

    GUELPH MDMA IS THE BEST!!! The coke and crack coke SUX!!! ShitHeads cut the shit with SHIT!!! Don’t trust crackheads ; )

  24. jenny May 6, 2010 at 12:01 am #

    Wow. this is awesome. no one in this city ever questions it. it really does suck. public transit sucks, they increase the fare every year and the service just gets worse. there’s a ton of gross pollution it’s hard to breathe in the summer (not as bad as toronto, but at least toronto has stuff to do and places to go). guelph is like a small town that someone dumped all the bad stuff of cities into. i hate guelph. the people are the most fake bullshitters i’ve ever met. all of them, they are like stepford, but worse, cause they are nicey nice one minute and then exorcist the next, all of them, and it’s unpredictable. plus, there is nothing to do here if you don’t drink at bars. it’s sad. and whenever i feel anti-guelph i can’t find anyone who isn’t “guelph is great, or at least not too bad”. but it is bad. it’s a vortex that suckes you in, gives you nothing tangible, and is very difficult to escape. the people here really are semi-retarded. and the city just gets worse every passing year.

  25. rant May 28, 2010 at 4:11 pm #

    Fuck i hate this city – i can’t wait to leave. Worse choice ever to move here.

  26. saracatharine February 11, 2012 at 11:53 pm #

    Try Brantford for a while and get back to me on Guelph.

  27. Sid Dithers April 1, 2012 at 4:22 pm #

    I agree…. the city is totally fucked up!!!!! not to mention the inconsiderate students who ride the drunk bus home every weekend (FREE OF CHARGE). The university is FUCKED UP and promoting public drunkeness of their students….at the very LEAST, it would be nice if they listened to the bus drivers telling them to NOT EAT and move back when FUCKING told!!!!!!!!!! What kind of future are these degenerates going to have if they don’t even understand SIMPLE engish words!!!!!
    GROW UP and show some FUCKING respect for once in your pathetic lives you little SHIIIIIITTTTTS!!!!!!!

  28. jaime June 6, 2012 at 11:06 pm #

    Left Guelph for Calgary, so much happier, and paying the same for rent. There’s very little work that pays a living wage, and paying 900mnth for a two bedroom in Guelph and making under 20hr sucks. If someone tells you the cost of living in Alberta is higher they’re wrong, maybe in you live somewhere else in Ontario. The difference here is you make more money, and downtown isnt full of bars and drunk university students.

  29. catwoman July 5, 2012 at 5:02 am #

    If you think that Guelph is bad (it is, and it isn’t), try living in that stupid little hick town named Acton. Now, that’s a first-class hole, filled with baby machines, welfare bums and racist jerks. Who in the right mind would want to live in that dump?

    • Seth November 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm #

      Guelph does suck, but thats because of the spoiled greedy Baby boomers who work at city hall. Present mayor has proven to be a failure. Really! it would be a nice place once the boomer are gone.

  30. boogerface December 6, 2012 at 2:35 am #

    Guelph is primarily an isolationist outpost for self righteous vegan lesbians. Add some aging lefty professors who despise modern development in their love of historic architecture, a large cohort of vagrants and crack heads, some half assed Italian mafiosi, a large group of boring suburban commuters who are disconnected from the other groups, plus an additional large group of feminist vegan lesbian students, and some aggies, and presto…you have Guelph in a nutshell. Great place!

    • Neveragain August 29, 2013 at 2:35 am #

      lived there for a year-not a good place if you have rumours following you.90 percent stupid vindictive people who will spread em,add more bullshit then bully you in the steets and at work to reinforce it.And yeah as a man any fantasies i had about hot bisexual lesbians were greatly diminished after living here-way too many of em.Dont even get me started on the permanent vagrants there…

  31. sara December 8, 2012 at 1:50 am #

    I just moved here and you guys are scaring me

  32. spankthatgear December 8, 2012 at 7:56 am #

    You know you lived in Guelph too long when you worked 3 or more places here:
    1. Linamar
    2. Better Beef
    3. Tim Hortons
    4. Polycon…temp the only way they employ!
    You need a job in Brampton to get a freaking mortgage here: Work in Guelph doesn’t cut to pay the bills unless you assured a management job

    Even-though money is tight, I got a car to invest in to get the frick out of Guelph and Guelph busses>>> Sorry an’t hard core enough to temp and ride the bus. Then stay here on weekends

  33. dch April 14, 2013 at 3:10 am #

    Hated Guelph many years ago and still do. Small minded racist people. Boring and depressing. Then I moved out. Thank god.

  34. fick this shyatt August 20, 2013 at 8:54 pm #

    What I don’t get is … each and every major and surrounding city in Canada has been termed a shyatt hole with very good reasons behind them. So that leaves what other option??

    How about if you don’t like either conservative redneck morons OR lefty liberal types? The fwhack are you to do?

    My problem with Toronto is that idiots don’t even make eye contact. Even a big city like Toronto is filled with either immigrants who stick to their own and rednecks who stick to their own. Cosmopolitan?

  35. Ellen December 1, 2013 at 8:18 pm #

    There are no “lefty activists” here. Sorry, the student body is just not that enlightened. Not worldly at all, they are lily white, some very racist, from rural areas around Toronto and mommy and daddy move them in every September. Just drunk, knuckle-dragging jocks who screams out their windows at girls and women on Friday and Saturday nights; too many of them have done this to me. As if every female exists for them to size up. Misogynist assholes. And way too fucking self-absorbed to think that they can save the world. In fact, they really do not think at all. One told me that he was under tremendous peer pressure to drink every weekend. For fuck’s sake, this is university, not high school. Total party school.

  36. boytdot@yahoo.ca June 1, 2017 at 5:24 pm #

    Had to move back here to take care of my aging parents. While this town has grown (left when it was 90k) nothing has changed. Its not all the students either and yes drinking is the main thing here. Binge drinking that is.

    Stopped coming in to town on the weekends. No decent live music, there used to be a blues bar back in the 90s. The bars are either filled with students or bored adult locals Lost track of the number of times one of them smashed into me and spilt my pint.

    Think I’ll drive to K-W instead.

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