Then the man in the yellow hat said…

9 Feb

Watching Curious George this morning as I worked made me wish for the real version. You know, the one where the Man in the Yellow Hat just loses his shit? Something like:

“George, you better not have played with the cement mixer over there near the daycare!”


“George….George no! Don’t touch it! George!”

“Oot. Oot Beep. Oot Ouh?”

“George! You cock sucking mother fucking cockknocker! Don’t you dare touch that fucking thing one more time or I swear to crap I’m shoving your little monkey head up your monkey ass so you’ll have an asshat! How many fucking times do I need to tell your ass to stop touching shit? How many things do you have to fucking destroy before someone cooks you up for dinner? For fuck sake!”


“Don’t you dare fling your poop at me George! You wouldn’t believe what shit I’ve got packed in this big stupid hat.”

And I wonder why I can never get anything done when I work at home.

4 Responses to “Then the man in the yellow hat said…”

  1. venessa February 9, 2007 at 5:20 pm #

    Now THAT is a version of Curious George I could appreciate. Ever thought about writing children’s literature that’s not really for children? 😉

  2. liprap February 9, 2007 at 7:29 pm #

    I always thought that George, the George from the original story who was trapped by his curiosity and yanked on to a slow boat across the ocean in a sack, has a lot in common with Patty Hearst. He’s caught against his will, but then he finds a way to wreak havoc within the new system. The Weathermen would have LOVED George…

  3. karriew February 10, 2007 at 12:50 pm #

    Ah, I love Curious George. It’s the only children’s show I do not find myself wanting to rewrite.

    I’ve read some hilarious riffs on the Thomas series. One equated Thomas to hot gay porn. (I’ll try to find it for you.) It’s pretty funny if you watch an episode with that in mind–shunting cars from behind, how weirdly submissive they all are to Sir Toppham Hatt, etc.

  4. liprap February 10, 2007 at 12:58 pm #

    Sir Topham Hatt is going to be raked over the coals by OSHA and various other government agencies someday for operating such unsafe rail lines. The Island of Sodor must operate similarly to Sicily.

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