But we missed you!

23 Jan

For some reason, I decided to stay home today. (Actually, this was fueled by a weather around -15C (around 5F) not counting the windchill. Why drag myself into work for a half day if I don’t have to?)

Vivian came out of the gate yelling, screaming and very much AWAKE. The kind of awake I associate with taking speed. When I asked her to stop talking, she told me “But I like to talk” and proceeded to continue at a rapid fire pace, while I wandered blindly around the house, trying to remember what I do in the morning. I’m still that lagged from the trip-tired, cranky and confused.

Ros at least is just plain old cute, and her normal self, but Vivian is so type A it hurts, especially first thing in the morning when all I want to do is hide in the bathroom. I can’t handle more than monosyballic questions in the morning, so having someone this loud hold an entire conversation before my brain is fired up is a bit disconcerting and irritating.

“But they missed you!” my husband says before he leaves for work. I’m happy for that I suppose. People I met were surprised when I said I didn’t miss my kids when I was away-but I didn’t. They’ll be there when I go home, and it’s not like I don’t spend most of my spare time around them anyway. I don’t understand people getting all worked up-I enjoy my break. Or perhaps I’m just not as maternal. Either way, I don’t really miss people to begin with, so not missing my children wasn’t a surprise.

Having them miss me was rather odd. They don’t show it so much as smother me with
PLAY WITH ME! HUG ME! HOLD ME!” and crawl all over me, demanding attention. Which makes working from home today likely a stupid decision.

I love my girls, but there are days, moments, time spent standing in Roncevalles where I just wanted to forget this life, and leave. Just run with what I had, and never go home.  Just walk away. I’m be wrong if I said I didn’t feel this.

This morning, with Vivian not shutting up once in the last two hours, I feel it again. I don’t care if they missed me. I just want silence again.

5 Responses to “But we missed you!”

  1. Kimberly January 23, 2007 at 10:33 am #

    But you came back. I knew you would.

    And there is nothing wrong with training Viv to just piss off in the mornings. I did it to Diva Girl, and now life is *much* smoother.

    And for what it’s worth, I don’t miss, either.

  2. venessa January 23, 2007 at 10:48 am #

    I feel you. A does the same thing. Somedays, I just want to slap a muzzle on her cute little face until I have had my coffee. And I am just not that mom who can get up an hour before my kids to “wake up.” And even if I did, I’d be willing to bet that they would hear me get up and come running downstairs to spoil my quiet.

  3. puddlejumper January 23, 2007 at 12:20 pm #

    We missed you too.

    But admittedly I’m dying to know about this whole “how many sexual partners is too many?”

    Don’t beat yourself up over the kids.

    I think all mums feel like that a hellava lot of the time. There’s just this fucked up guilt complex thing that stops some of them from from saying it out loud. I feel that way loads!

    x

  4. Heather January 23, 2007 at 1:37 pm #

    I don’t miss Freyja until I come back from somewhere and she does something so toothachginly sweet that it makes my pisces ass cry like a baby.

    I won’t miss her while I’m gone, I’ll miss her as soon as I see her waving at the damn airport when I get home.

    Out of sight, out of mind is the way it goes for me.

  5. Magdalena January 23, 2007 at 10:21 pm #

    “The kind of awake I associate with taking speed.”

    Uh, did she wake up at my house? You just took a snapshot of my life every.single.morning. Except, I have 3 like that, and they all get up and once, and they all never stop. I feel you.
    And I don’t get the guilt thing either. I would LOVE to get away and I wouldn’t feel one ounce, one iota of guilt. And I wouldn’t feel guilty for wanting silence when I got back, either. 🙂

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