New Event! Post Partum Crazy Race

3 Jan

We are all well versed in my continuing trials and tribulations with bipolar, as well as my battles with the demon PPD after the births of my daughters, especially the birth of my second Rosalyn. (If you aren’t aware, see tags bipolar, PPD or crazy for the posts.) To be brief, I lost my mind for a little while, and have been dealing with the outcome of that for awhile. Sure, there was the whole “actually crazy” part, but I think the issue is bigger than that.

Many of us are isolated from eachother, isolated from women, aunts, sisters, women who have been there and done it, and who can help us realize that we aren’t horrible mothers or creatures. We’re isolated from ourselves, and our power to create and give birth. We’re isolated from medical care that actually cares for the mother and the child, care that watches for the teetering dip into madness.

In my case, no one seemed to have read any of my files, and I harbour a great deal of anger towards a medical system that couldn’t be bothered to listen to me, to pay attention to me. The day Rosalyn, my second born arrived, I spent the evening curled up in bed sobbing. It didn’t take 2 weeks. I was horribly, terribly sunk, and no one seemed to notice or care.

I don’t want this for my daughters. I don’t want it for anyone.


Adrienne Martini’s Hillbilly Gothic was sent to me by Karrie, who thought I could relate to many of her experiences. And I can, except I never had the balls to commit myself. I’m always afraid they’ll never let me leave. In it, I found someone who suffered in many of the same ways as I did, thought the same thoughts, something that up til reading this book, I had never felt. In some cases, she wrote exactly what I had thought through my madness. And the warmth of knowing I was not alone with some of my dark thoughts. She was there too.

So the Pulsate Olympic Event! for January is this:

Tell me about your moments after birth, days, weeks, months, where you thought you just couldn’t do it anymore, where the enormity of what you had done, of having a KID! pressed upon you. Maybe it was only a day, maybe it was for weeks. But tell your stories of what the real post partum period is like. Share your dark times, let it go, give it up so other women might not feel quite so alone with it. I never knew how many women had suffered until I started to talk about it. Learning from other women who had been there helped me realize none of it was my fault.

I’m giving you until midnight AST Wednesday, January 10 for this. Link to this entry in your post. The entry that touches best upon the post partum period will receive this fine book in the mail from me.

Let’s make sure the crazy mums don’t have to be so alone anymore.


34 Responses to “New Event! Post Partum Crazy Race”

  1. Marcy January 3, 2007 at 10:54 am #

    I’ve been writing about my PPD over at my blog — I don’t feel like writing a summary post, but feel free to drift over and browse. It hit me pretty fast, too — but they wouldn’t let me in the hospital until she was 11 days old and the smaller interventions were clearly not working.

  2. Marcy January 3, 2007 at 10:56 am #

    PS — I already have the book. It was a cathartic read for sure. I also love Anne Lamott’s Operating Instructions, even though she didn’t have PPD per se. But she’s not afraid to be frank about the dark stuff inside.

  3. Venessa January 3, 2007 at 11:02 am #

    I am looking forward to reading these. I suffered from serious depression before my kids were born, but somehow managed to escape PPD. Unlike the last event, this time I am planning ahead and keeping a box of tissue on the desk!

  4. misspudding January 4, 2007 at 1:32 am #


    I like doing this because it forces me to remember this crap. If I don’t write it down now, I’ll probably forget it in a few years. God forbid…

  5. karriew January 5, 2007 at 5:08 pm #

    Ok, mine is up:

  6. Adrienne January 6, 2007 at 12:04 pm #

    Sweetening the deal….

  7. Nat January 6, 2007 at 12:45 pm #

    I wasn’t gonna participate in this one, but changed my mind. Therapy for the soul, if anything.

    Here it is:!419C96F45030BED7!7502.entry?_c=BlogPart

  8. Nat January 6, 2007 at 12:55 pm #

    You’ll need to copy and paste the link… Clicking doesn’t seem to work.

    I’ll try it again, just in case…!419C96F45030BED7!7502.entry

    Yes, I’m technologically challenged. hahaha

  9. Nat January 6, 2007 at 12:56 pm #

    Nope. Just copy and paste it. Screw it.

    *Banging head on keyboard*

  10. liprap January 6, 2007 at 1:25 pm #

    In the interest of NOT being a hypocrite:

    This post took a lot out of me. I’m gonna go rest now.

  11. Netter January 6, 2007 at 2:53 pm #

    I want to do it, I really do. But I can’t. I’ve barely been able to admit to my husband and family how bad it was. Maybe that’s why I’m still struggling with the depression and guilt (doesn’t help that I had to go off my meds due to a six-week case of hives). I wonder what the correlation is between PPD and being the kind of woman that can’t ask for help and can’t admit weakness.

  12. jkdufair January 7, 2007 at 12:39 am #

    thordora – I hadn’t actually intended to enter the contest, for what it’s worth. It’s Anna’s story, not mine. I just felt inclined to write about it in terms of not being as supportive as I could have. Please consider my trackback a comment from the sidelines.

  13. katsplace January 9, 2007 at 2:46 pm #

    here’s mine

  14. thordora January 9, 2007 at 2:56 pm #

    actually jase, I thought it was kinda cool that you did enter.

  15. Heather January 10, 2007 at 12:43 pm #

    Got mine done, after much hemming and hawing on whether I should.

  16. Heather January 10, 2007 at 12:45 pm #

    And I swear, it was formatted but Blogger sucks and won’t accept my formatting.

  17. Tracy Thompson January 11, 2007 at 2:17 pm #

    Been there. Done it. Twice. Once in a big way, the second time in a more manageable way (I had prepared). There’s no crazy like Mom Crazy. Mine had a striking diurnal rhythm: every day at 4 p.m. I would start to sob. I would continue sobbing without stop until approximately 8 p.m., when I would start feeling like maybe I was not gonna die that day, after all. The rest of the time I just felt like shit and thought about suicide a lot. Once I actually tried to leave home, husband and baby but (due to postpartum fog) FORGOT MY WALLET. Unprepared to be a bag lady, I had to return home. Yes, the cosmos has a sense of humor. Remember, at this point in my life I had written one book about depression and had been a public speaker on the topic many times and I STILL DIDN’T KNOW I HAD POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION.

    That, friends, is crazy.

  18. liprap January 11, 2007 at 7:19 pm #

    Ahhh, Thor…

    I think Tracy may well get your copy of the book, because she wrote THE book… 😎

  19. Annette January 12, 2007 at 4:24 pm #

    After my mini-rant on my blog today about PPD in the media (particularly on tv shows), it’s time to share.

  20. trama April 11, 2007 at 7:49 am #

    Ich erklare meinen Freunden uber diese Seite. Interessieren!

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  22. Dandemere December 18, 2008 at 11:40 pm #


    As a fresh user i just want to say hi to everyone else who uses this forum :>

  23. mnorgovudkka December 28, 2008 at 10:50 pm #

    Hy my name is mnorgovudkka
    Im from mongolia

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    “All this basically says is we made good progress, and we will continue to work together to achieve peace,” Bush said.
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