Anna, you could have been mine too

30 Nov

your babies are crying your name

they cry in my sleep they tell me

secrets, stories of your beauty stories of your

busy moments next to death next to their lives

next to the sun

time come in the future they will

barely remember your touch your voice

forget what color your eyes were and

what show you liked to watch before bed

how you liked your eggs.

they tell me they want you at their weddings.

somehow Anna, somehow

your eyes will watch theirs your memories will

take hold of their hearts and you will love them

you will love them

they tell me your secrets

they tell me no lies

they tell me the rotting that ate you apart from them

scares them still

watching you leave watching food turn

to water in your mouth watching

hair fall from fingers on the couch

watching your lover fall to pieces yet so strong

they tell me they love you and silent

remember

6 Responses to “Anna, you could have been mine too”

  1. Missy November 30, 2006 at 3:06 pm #

    Oh God, that is so beautiful, so sad.

    You’re making me cry.

  2. thordora November 30, 2006 at 3:07 pm #

    Go read http://jase.dufair.org/

    Some of that, hell MOST of that makes me cry. I was thinking about Anna last night, and how oddly thankful I am to see losing my mother from another mother’s view.

  3. Jason Dufair November 30, 2006 at 3:26 pm #

    Note to self: Don’t read your site at work. 😉

    Thanks for this, thordora. Many thanks.

    (btw, she liked her eggs a bit runny. Ian has “mommy’s little runny eggs” for breakfast almost every morning still).

  4. thordora November 30, 2006 at 5:56 pm #

    I’m sure this seems a bit creepy, but reading one of the posts she wrote on your site, I suddenly *saw* my mother as a person, as a living breathing mother who was scared to leave her children, and wanted to inhale as much as she could. And yet, i could see myself, and your own children, never wanting her to leave.

    Your loss is helping me to accept that my mother was at peace with HER mortality, regardless of my pain. And writing this-just another way of getting it out.

    And that eggs thing is just creepy. I just remember my mother drinking assloads of ensure since she couldn’t taste anything anyway.

  5. Missy December 1, 2006 at 2:06 pm #

    I know. I’ve seen. I just. Can’t. Comment.

  6. misspudding December 2, 2006 at 3:33 am #

    Jason and Thordora, I’m so sorry for your loss.

    That was beautiful.

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