Mommy, I don’t feel so good

13 Jul

People like to mother me.

Today, with my stomach churning and burning, and me thinking I either have an ulcer, or stomach cancer, I mention to someone who also reports to my boss that my stomach is trying to kill me, and I feel like hell. I just needed to bitch at someone.

Not 5 minutes later, I get a frantic phone call from my boss asking my why I’m at work if I feel like hell, and to go to the doctor. She has since told me about 5 times to go to a doctor. (I haven’t gone because the doctors here, or at least my doctor, is rather ineffectual, and a pain in the ass. I might visit the ER however.)

Women have always done this to me. There must be some kind of “pet me, hold me, love me” sign over my head. When I worked retail, the older ladies would always let me come to them for advice, for those snippets of wisdom that mother’s usually give their daughters, that I’m sure most daughters could live without. I loved it-they’d feed me, drive me home, tell me it was ok to rely on someone once and awhile, to be weak, to not “take it like a man” as I usually do.

I don’t usually experience much of a bond with other women, likely due to my early motherloss, and I have trouble relating woman to woman unless it IS in a mother/child kind of way. I automatically defer to that relationship, and I assume it’s because I’ve never known any other way to be with a woman, never outgrew being a “girl” with a female authority figure, with any type of older female. I find myself slipping into this role, and being entirely too comfortable with it, like a stray cat that loves you.

So today, having my boss repeatedly question if I was ok, making it clear that yes, she really was interested in my welfare, and really did want me to go to the doctor, I liked it. I liked having someone worry for me. I liked having a woman think of me, worry a tiny bit for me. I liked knowing someone cared.

ISn’t it the bizarrest thing that this person is my boss?

One Response to “Mommy, I don’t feel so good”

  1. wendy March 5, 2007 at 12:28 am #

    This resonates with me. I lost my mother when I was three. I love to be mothered! Not cool at my age. At the same time I’m very independent. I find it difficult not to take things ‘like a man’ too.

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