Just the poop ma’am….just the poop

7 Mar

One of the many items of having kids and parenting that I did NOT anticipate was the poop factor.

I can talk about poop, and poop related items for hours. The kicker was sitting in the hospital room with Nat as the nurse went through the 400 trees they’ve destroyed so you can have coupons, and I commented on how great the poop page was. They have a color printed page showing you what poop should look like depending on age, and feeding method. Both Nat and her husband gave me that look that I’m so familier with “Go back to smoking crack you strange lady.”

Hey, I found that page interesting as a first time mom, because I kept reading about poop textures and colors and amounts and I kept wondering, ‘Does this count as peanut butterish? Is it too watery?”

I had entire conversations on coffee breaks about crap. Drippy crap, smelly crap, undigested carrot crap and it’s ability to waft through 3 sets of doors. I was obsessed.

With my second, I didn’t care as much. Poop is poop-so long as it’s arriving, and it’s not liquid, I’m content at this point. BUT….

potty training is sllloooowwwwlllyyy beginning, and yet again I am filled with visions of poop plums dancing in my head. How to get Vivian on the potty. What to bribe her with. How excited to get. All over POOP. I find myself dancing and saying “I’m so proud of you!” when she poops.

It’s a crap folks. It’s not nirvana. And yet I have to be excited about it. Yet I’m also stumped as to how to get her to use the damn thing. Everything I read, at the end of it, smacks of ‘And then the rabbit climbs out of the hat.” Eden seems to be having the same issues.

I know I won’t talk about poop forever, but then I go see April, who is also talking about poop, albeit for vastly different reasons.

Are we all suffering under some sort of fecal fetish? Or are we just REALLY hurting for something to talk about lately?

Sad that my goal for happiness in the next year revolves around NOT having to wipe poop off butts. You have NO idea how much I’m looking forward to that.

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