How will they know she’s yours?

22 Jul

So I’m a little nutty about certain things, one of which is the name my children will carry as a family name.

I have two cool little girls. When my mother died, I made a kind of pact with myself that if I ever had children, my firstborn would be named in someway after my mother, and my kids would have my last name. One of Vivian’s middle names is Dianne, after my mother, and both she and Rosalyn have my last name.

Why? Because MY body created them, MY body delivered them. I have never believed in patrilineal lines of descent, which are only in place because it made it easier to control women, livestock and property. I don see ANY logical reason for my daughters to carry their father’s name.

I offered the dreaded hyphen option to him, and he declined, thankfully. Let’s just say there is a VERY good reason I did not take the Dorf’s last name. But I extended the offer, and also made sure he had no issues with the girls having my last name. (Of course, even if he had, it’s doubtful I would have cared, in truth)

My father understood, and since it’s his last name, seemed pleased. The Dorf’s parents on the other hand….I knew they’d be bothered, they’re just that way. And there’s a little bit of “we want to be the boss” involved too…And I can understand being a little bit miffed.

But to have my mother-in-law as the Dorf, not me, the following question….

They’re in the car when they originally visited when Vivian was born, and then found out she did NOT have their name. So the Dorf is trying to explain it, when she asks…

“But how will people know she’s yours?”

Am I the ONLY one finding that question just a wee bit, oh, I don’t know, MORONIC? No one EVER asks that of the mother if the child takes the father’s name. They just ASSUME, in the same manner that everyone addresses the Dorf as “Mr. Thorn” instead of his name. He told her that people will know because he’s her FATHER, and his name in on the birth record.

I don’t get it? They’re girls, so if they marry, and decide to take their partner’s name, they won’t “carry” the name on anyway. And why to people always assume that the mother will just give up her name, merely based on “cause that’s the way it’s always been?”

My kids have my name because they are physically part of me, and lived INSIDE me. And before anyone points it out, I am well aware that without his sperm, they would not be here. But that’s the sum total contribution to creating the child that a man provides. Children deserve their mother’s name.

I hope that this becomes more accepted soon. I’d like to believe that people will soon stop doing things “just because.”

Of course, I’d also like people to stop being jerkoffs so…..

3 Responses to “How will they know she’s yours?”

  1. Jason Dufair November 7, 2006 at 7:14 pm #

    I offered to take my wife’s name, and she was willing to take mine, but neither of us liked those options very well. We wanted one name for us and our kids. We also weren’t keen on the whole hyphenation thing and the combinatorial explosion that results generations later. So we created a new name that is a combination of our family of origin names. Dunne + Fairchild = Dufair. Now that she’s gone, I’m even more thankful that we did it and that my kids share this with me. It’s a real gift and a symbol that we can really never be separated.

  2. Jason Dufair November 7, 2006 at 7:18 pm #

    By the way, my father, the pretty conservative patriarchal (and patrilineally oriented) type had a hell of a time with it, fueled by my neurotic, controlling stepmother for sure. For years, we’d get mail addressed only to “Anna, Jason, and Alyssa” – no last name. When my father came around to realizing just what an exceptional person my wife was, he let go of his reservations, and, I suspect, his fear that we would somehow cut ties with him. Stepmom is still neurotic. Always will be.

  3. sexylinda July 4, 2007 at 4:40 am #

    good, thanks

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