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I’m just sayin…..
- Bromac on There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
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- maggie on There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
- ally on I can’t yawn!
- Jennifer on There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
- Soul on “Why do bipolar people push partners away”
- magpie on There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
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- watching the dark knight and sad thinking of how awesome heath was... 21 minutes ago
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A bunch of years ago I was brutally suicidal and spent an hour trying to decide whether to kill myself or get a haircut. In the middle of it I took a couple of self-portraits… I have a very hard time looking at them. Congratulations on getting to the psych ward.
It seems so surreal that I must look at it. To remind myself I was there.
you know, you look to be so much on the edge here, but you have such determination in your eyes, such a spark.
I know that need to reflect visually. I’m glad you did this, and shared it.
What bugged me most were the hospital bands. They felt like shackles.
i almost missed this … somehow my feed reader didn’t catch it.
spooky … that ward certainly looks like a place to get depressed in. why do hospital rooms always have to be painted snot-coloured?
i hope you will be able to view that episode as part of a salvation eventually. it was not a good place, but you were very desparate. i still think it was a good thing you went.
and i second kate. there’s a stubbornness in your expression that shows you were not ready to let go.
The psyc ward never helped me. I have struggled for what seems like forever to be happy and I have yet to be able to accomplish this which should be so simple. Today is the last day I will struggle.
Everyperson I have ever trusted has let me down. Including my parents who KNEW I was being sexually abused by an uncle and did nothing. Today I will be content with death. Content is a feeling I have rarely had before. Now it will last forever.
is there any true help for depression. drugs work for a while, but who wants to be on them forever. and they eventually stop working. and if you don’t have health insurance you can’t get the meds anyway. so you go to the hospital, start to feel better and then you leave and cant get the meds any more. and you are worse than before. What help is there????? None!!!!!!!!!! if you suffer from depression you should just go ahead and bite the bucket or suffer the rest of your life. Most of us have someone who will help us hang on so we can continue to be miserable. They thrive on watching us struggle. they claim to want us to feel better, but they never truly try to help things gett better they just through up reasons you should be ashamed for being depressed. What a help that is.
sometimes I think that people who get shot by accident and die are lucky. They will never suffer again. I would like to be able to pay someone to kill me. I wouldn’t want to know when or where. I would just want them to do it. My only request would be that my children are not around. They deserve better than me. I have always been a failure to them. I am a failure. A failure of the worst kind. I can not keep anything together. Iam not just a failure, I am also a coward. I cant even die.
when you are at the bottom and there is no way up where do you go??? back to the psyc ward so that in a few weeks you once again feel mediocore and return to a life that is destine for failure. Just so you can return to the bottom again. What is the purpose of all this.
WOW. These are amazing photos. I want to cry and then buy you a drink.
Trust noone
I totally agree with you. I feel death would be an end to all this torture and I MEAN TORTURE! I feel so out of place.
I wonder how ppl can smile and laugh at stupid jokes
I am on meds and have been for decades!
I believe I am very resistant to these drugs!!!! I have been on every combination…….I feel like getting a lobotomy – just to feel nothing…..
I feel no one understands me – family, friends – I just broke up with my boyfriend — I guess he figured out what a whack job I am, although I have tried my damnedest to be a decent girlfriend and I was —- I have been blest with my looks –they say I look like Sandra Bullock — but I couldn’t care if I looked like Jabba the Hut, as long as I was healthy mentally. I would do ANYTHING……..I am forgetful, I am losing my mind I believe, I have zero self esteem, I get very self conscience and make many silly mistakes – my mind goes blank….sometimes I cannot even form a sentence – and it won’t come out, what I am trying to say..
I cannot work, although I am a hairstylist by trade and went to college for Policing, social work, correctional work.. I know I couldn’t do it…
I believe I am a failure, I am sure everyone else around me does, couldn’t care less to go out without make up and don’t take pride in my looks anymore.
I feel nothing….nothing gives me pleasure….
I have failed 2x at marriages, hated sex – only if I am drunk or high; therefore my 1st marriage my husband had an affair.
I cannot count the number of jobs I have had and either quit or was fired. Also, cannot count the number of times I have moved. I moved to start a better life elsewhere – but this time, I am not getting to know anyone here. I do have some friends I have known for 30 years — my condition started when I was 18 now am 42.
I am an alcoholic, (getting a handle on that) after a DUI, a nervous breakdown with alcohol and my new bipolar meds, had an abortion after unprotected sex, I do not know how many men I have slept with in a drunken stuper, on ’script pain killers for approx. 5 years…
The ONLY reason I am around is for my 2 children. I fake it – all the routines, all the daily activities – wake up put on a smile and get through the day – just to sleep and wake up and do the same thing the next day……
I just went through a big court case for custody, we now have joint – which is better for me for the stress aspect…
My father just died last Nov-08
I hate my life!!!!!!
Someone, anyone — please help me – before I check out….
Dear God above someone help me!!!!
I pray for everyone here too – as well, who has the same torture I have – I UNDERSTAND – God be with you….as we all struggle through this together, AMEN.
I am with you Marie. I have devoted the last 13 years of my life to my kids and then i got divorced. Now I too am a single mom with joint custody (which helps). I have not worked in 15 years and I so want to get a job but I have too many fears. Anti-depressants are temporary so I take only something to sleep and a xanax once in a while. Often I become very unhappy around my children, or I try to fake it. I do love them but if only I knew then what I know now. I’ve had 4 bfs in two years and I push them all away. They want relationships and marriage and I have a fear of ending up with the wrong man…for the third time! I’m 43 and I’ve been engaged or married my entire adult life. It’s time for me..but I’m so afraid. I too have very few friends and am alone and lonely most of the time. It sucks and I don’t know how to move forward.
Don’t check out marie! I go through the same torture. I spend hours self loathing wishing I could be as successful as my friends who are doctors, authors or lawyers. But you have to take baby steps. One tiny step every day. Then you might take two steps back. Then you might spend a whole day in bed. Then start over the next day. You can work and be sober and be happy. I am a yoga teacher, and without my personal yoga practice, I’d be dead. Try that.
Most days with your kids will be a struggle. Tonight I told my kids not to watch tv, to eat their dinner and do homework, and i was going to my room to read..it was getting late and their dinner had been sitting there. An hour later they had been watching tv, had not eaten and had done no homework. I yelled, went back to my room, closed the door and took a lunesta. Now I’m writing this. And that’s just the way it is.
Maybe you shouldn’t have taken a “Lunesta” – and instead STAYED OUT OF YOUR ROOM! and put your time & focus on the kids, if it means sitting and watching them eat: if it m eans sitting with them TO DO THEIR HOMEWORK.
It means BEING THERE – RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM AND STAYING WITH THEM to follow though on what you insist they do!
Hiding in a room DOES NOT WORK – I had a mom exactly like that – ! ! ! And I can guarantee you that what you do DOES NOT WORK.
ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Kids need, want AND DESERVE to have someone IN THEIR SIGHT! Toshow, to lead by example and firmness and sensitiveness to what they are doing and delaing with throughout the most critical times of their lives!
You’re right. Your very frank words helped me a lot. Usually I AM right there but sometimes I just want to crawl under a rock. I am not going to do that anymore. It’s good to know you learned from your mom what NOT to do.
Marie C.
I just wanted you to know I feel your pain as I read your comment,I am praying for you and even though I don’t have answers for what your going through. I have faith and hope for you to feel better and for your life to turn around.
I Been married 2 times and failed at marriage.
I been a single Mom for 6 years my daughter is 16 and the biggest blessing of my life.
after my from 1990 to 2006 I felt just like what your describing but I Found a God and a church and that has made the biggest differance in my life.
I have a Sunday school class that is all women from ages26-60 some married,some, divorced, some widows,some single. each one of us have our stuggles and battles but it helps to share and ask each other to pray for our needs.
Today Marie I want you to know you are not alone,I understand your stuggles and I pray you never give up hope..you will find peace and happiness.
I remember thinking I would never be happy, well happiness is within you.keep praying and ask others to pray with you for you,believe it! recieve it! god bless you and have faith,hope and trust God and his word.
your in my prayers,thanks for sharing your comments with us.
I hate those stupid handouts in hospitals. Their titles all start out with “Do I have…” or “Could I be suffering from…” or something else that some clinic thought sounded great. I still pick them up though. I guess I hope that someone somewhere has discovered something new about mental illness. Also, I like imagining that I’m cussing out whoever wrote the handout. The words are so careful and politically correct. My illness or condition is phrased so scientifically and calmly that it makes me feel like I must be some sort of freak for actually experiencing it! And I hate it when the doctors give them to me. It’s as if they think I am simply unaware that killing myself would be a bad idea and they expect me to go “Oh! Would you look at that? I guess I shouldn’t try that!”
Wow. I have never been in those circles but I read what you have all written and it hurts my heart. I hope each of you finds an inner peace and an outer happiness. I know nothing I could say would make anything better for any of you but I truly hope that it gets better and easier for you all.
I too just came across this post. How powerful these emotions must be to feel paralyzed and lost in your own mind. Granted, the post from trustnoone…I truly hope you haven’t checked out, I hope you find whatever it is that can bring you out of this.
And Marie C, I also hope you’ve found peace and happiness.
Take care.