Maybe he’s right.
Maybe the anxiety I hold watching the news is eating me up, slowly without notice.
Food Crisis. Water Crisis. Peak Oil.
Another plastic bag flutters past my eye, outside the window, while walking I crush bottles and butts with my feet, the cold stench of oil and exhaust fills my lungs. There seem to be [...]
Archive for April, 2008
“Man is not imprisoned by habit. Great changes in him can be wrought by crisis–once that crisis can be recognized and understood. “
Posted in The Future on April 30, 2008 | 21 Comments »
third time the charm?
Posted in PPD, babiesbabiesbabies, mothering on April 29, 2008 | 7 Comments »
Kristin left the following comment on my “I cannot handle being a mother anymore” post
Hi Ladies I haven’t been here in a while now, I have been going through some prety hard times lately. In october i found out that i was pregnant with my third baby!!! It was NOT planned and needless to say [...]
The ongoing why the hell can’t I breathe right saga….
Posted in People Bother Me, Shit I Hate, blech, me?, my fat ass, uh....ok.... on April 29, 2008 | 9 Comments »
I’m getting tired of hearing my doctor try and pin everything on anxiety.
I’ve been having trouble breathing, on and off, since mid February. It came on without any cause so far as I can tell, and lasted well over 3 weeks. It went away. It came back. It went away and is now coming back [...]
Crank Pot
Posted in me?, mothering, motherloss on April 28, 2008 | 11 Comments »
I am unbelievable foul today. I’m tired, I’m fighting with the scratch in my throat and I’d much rather be curled up in a coffee shop rereading Jane Eyre for the 100th time. And oh the people around me. This is NOT a people day. I’m tired of people, especially people talking nonsense about the [...]
Nineteen
Posted in Love, Mother Cancer, Shit I Hate, The Past, adopted, childhood, le sigh, me?, motherloss, sad, tagged motherloss on April 25, 2008 | 13 Comments »
2 days.
I can place myself in my mother’s shoes. Watching the grass spring into place from the picture window in the front of the house from her vantage point on the borrowed hospital bed. The legs of which dig divots into the plush carpet that will take 2 weeks to fully disappear. Her breath won’t [...]
4 Pink Pills
Posted in Crazy, DoublePlusDumb, Lessons, People Bother Me, Shit I Hate, The Past, Things People Did, bipolar, le sigh, me? on April 24, 2008 | 7 Comments »
Pretend for a minute that I’m holding 4 pills in my palm, 4 pale pink capsules containing the salt Li, 4 pale pink solutions to a problem that has plagued me for a long time.
I was scared to death of this drug, this innocuous looking pill, this wonder of our world, it’s inexplicable reason for [...]
Petition for the Mother’s Act.
Posted in Crazy, PPD, bipolar on April 23, 2008 | 3 Comments »
Dear Bloggers and PPD Awareness Advocates:
I’ve been asked to post the following link on my site. It is an online petition to support passage of The Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHERS Act. A companion bill passed in the House of Representatives last fall to a nearly unanimous bipartisan vote! Democratic Senators Obama and Clinton both support this [...]
Feed Issues?
Posted in Uncategorized on April 23, 2008 | 10 Comments »
I subscribe to my feed to keep an eye on it (and to avoid having what Gwen had occur happen to me)
If any of you are reading this on a feed, please let me know if things are appearing as usual. Or just say Hi, period.
“The love of truth lies at the root of much humor.”
Posted in Uncategorized on April 23, 2008 | 4 Comments »
“How are you”
“I’m fine”
“Feeling ok?”
“Um-hm.”
My stomach in knots, my mind screaming to tell the truth, talk about what was really happening in my life. My mouth stayed numb, drawn, sewn.
My truth, from an early age, was guarded by reality, consequences, pain. You’re told not to tell about this event, that know one will believe where [...]
In lieu of content…
Posted in Uncategorized on April 22, 2008 | 1 Comment »
how about you listen to what I’m working to today….
Sea Lion-Feist (I believe this is a cover)
Atlas-Battles (and SQUEE I might get to go see these guys this summer!)
Ears Ring-Rainer Maria
Talula-Tori Amos
Martha Served-I Hate Sally
Meh in the Sun.
Posted in Uncategorized on April 22, 2008 | 1 Comment »
criss crossing beams
of light
simmer across my face
dull morning afire.
on my back, heated lizards
crawling lazily slow me
pausing I look up
all is possible. All is now.
feet scratch trails on concrete
dirt scrambles for purchase beneath
distracted steps.
*********************************
It’s hard to want to talk about things lately. Which isn’t to say there’s nothing to talk about-there is. I’m just weary of [...]
Oh Noes! Oprah is teh devil!
Posted in *snort!* on April 21, 2008 | 12 Comments »
The other night…
Posted in Uncategorized on April 21, 2008 | 6 Comments »
A good time was had by all. However, it came crashing home the next morning with vivid hangovers that we are NOT 20 anymore. Oy vey. Pan-galactic Gargleblasters make head hurt.
We had a great room aside from the pillows. They weren’t pillows. They were sachet’s of air playing tricks. I I couldn’t figure out [...]
See you tomorrow!
Posted in Uncategorized on April 19, 2008 | 6 Comments »
Our anniversary gift to ourselves-dinner, and a night in a fancy(ish) hotel. No children, no chores, just us.
BLISS.
The Tin and The Diamonds
Posted in Lessons, Love, Mogo, Stuff I Like, The Future, The Past, me? on April 18, 2008 | 20 Comments »
So today is our 10th wedding anniversary.
No, I’m not really old. I married young.
10 years ago today, right about now we would have been, officially, with only one single God reference, man and wife.
I kept my name.
All things considered, we feel pretty superior about our marriage sometimes. Which isn’t to say that we don’t have [...]
10 years now, bonded and branded.
Posted in Love, Mogo, Poetry, me? on April 18, 2008 | 5 Comments »
cradled.
my world in brown, in dewy heady
earth we’ve buried our bodies in, the flesh of time.
In visions your hands are there, strong dusky mittens of
memory, the cold splash of a peach on a Sunday morning, remnants
of strawberries and cream, slithering up your palms as my belly,
full with child, our child, you brushed.
Arms would be cradles.
Eyes would [...]
This dream of blood
Posted in Shit I Hate, these dreams on April 17, 2008 | 8 Comments »
I dream of blood.
I walk into your house, and the blood covers everything. I slip on it. On the walls, the armchair, the staircase.
I don’t dare go upstairs. I know your bodies will be there-how I know, don’t ask me. I know the body of your child, your lovely daughter is laid out, bloodless and [...]
Run to the Hills
Posted in Vivian on April 16, 2008 | 5 Comments »
Blame Mogo. I hate Maiden.
“She’s too young to see that as we gather losses, we may also grow in love;as in passion, the body shudders and clutches what it must release.”
Posted in Lessons, Love, Mother Cancer, Shit I Hate, The Past, adopted, childhood, me?, motherloss, sad on April 15, 2008 | 8 Comments »
Mother I wish…..
I wish many things. I wish you had explained things to me better. I wish I would have known more than that nebulous “I’m sick”, wish I would have truly known what Cancer meant-not in terms of rogue cells and less than functional cures, but in the human cost, in terms of what [...]
“cherries abuse site: vomitcomit.wordpress.com”
Posted in Shit I Hate on April 15, 2008 | 5 Comments »
Seeing people searching “abuse site” with my url makes me feel ill.
Sometimes I’m not brave. Sometimes I want to crawl into a closet, cover my head with someone’s dresses and pretend I’m not there. Sometimes I’m afraid, worried that the words and memories I’ve sprawled across this site, into the internet either are becoming something [...]
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I’m just sayin…..
- Bromac on There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
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- maggie on There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
- ally on I can’t yawn!
- Jennifer on There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
- Soul on “Why do bipolar people push partners away”
- magpie on There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Talk to Me:
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- watching the dark knight and sad thinking of how awesome heath was... 21 minutes ago
- @suefisher i was supposed to work today. can't with no voice :p 22 minutes ago
- my voice has disappeared. Missing another day of work. Lovely. 3 hours ago
- @aureliacotta not they aren't. We can be just as human and petty as anyone else. Sucks, but it's true. Politeness doesn't hide it all. :P 17 hours ago
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