Jebbus…..what the hell do you think?
I know my reaction is knee jerk “do you think us monsters?”, and that isn’t the point.
I know that many people, including my long suffering husband, have been hurt by this disease, this ragged excuse for a mentality. When we rage-we rage hard. Mogo has been on the receiving end of many s screaming fit-angers so vivid that it’s a good thing the “Will and Word” doesn’t exist. My body would shudder, and quake, and it took all of my control to not strike out at him. Our walls still hold the reminders of this violence.
We have feelings. The problem is, we have too many. While you feel an aching sadness at the news that someone stomped their baby to death, I feel an all consuming anger and sadness. It infiltrates my brain, and my heart, until that child might as well have been my child, and I can feel their tiny heart beat out it’s last pulse. When you feel a quiet happiness for someone who just had their child, I become obsessive, needing to do everything, be there, give oddles of advice, and feel maybe like a mother might.
While bipolar, there are no half measures. Happy is happy, sad is sad. There are feelings-immense feelings that overwhelm.
But to you, the outsider, it may seem like there are no feelings inside us as we blithely ignore your wants, your needs. Ours are paramount. We may recognize that you have feelings and needs, but they will never trump ours. We are important. You live around us.
Isn’t that horrible?
It’s difficult to have an interdependant relationship with someone who is bipolar, because that inter part? We have trouble with that. On a manic day, our ego will exceed you. On a down day, our misery will be all that matters. You….well, you won’t.
Now that I’m medicated, I can see what I was doing, how I was hurting people around me. I see people finally coming back out of the woodwork to talk to me, after years of avoiding me, aware of my sudden shifts and callous nature. Suddenly, I see all my wrongs, and I’m pentient, and unaware of how to fix it.
Feelings are there. We aren’t psychopaths. We just don’t know how to direct it to you, or how to say the words we mean. We just don’t live on the same plane sometimes.
My first instinct when I saw that title was shock that someone could have asked that, but now I’m glad someone did, because this a brilliant, and sensitive, and enlightening post. Thank you.
Wow, what? Someone asked that?
Were they mixing it up with sociopaths?
Still, I guess wow, the context matters.
And good you answered this way…it all makes sense the way you explain it.
I wonder… maybe sociopaths have feelings, too.
I so relate to the primacy of self — and I secretly suspect even the “normal” folks do, too. It’s scary — we sort of want to have real relationships and really care about other people, give as well as receive, and give according to the other and not according to us… but, well, Other is scary.
Don’t you feel anesthetized to some degree by the medicine?? Though I can swing from pole to pole, authentic feelings sometimes fail me.
Not so much. Somedays yeah, I feel numbed to everything else, but I have other days when I feel things vividly, in a clarity I had never expected.
My doctor is adamant about never numbing me completely-like she said, what’s the point in that?
I have trouble with the bigger things, like truly feeling the love I know I have for people. Or maybe what I think love should manifest as isn’t really it at all.
Um, yeah. Speechless on this one.
My husband has a lot of trouble with that whole “inter” thing, up or down. He’s finally stable now and I’m just starting to feel like we have a real relationship. Bipolar disorder is truly a selfish illness, and you’re absolutely right – it leaves a lot of damage with other people, too.
I know all that I can know from text books and hands on experience from a healthcare professional’s perspective on Bipolar. What I don’t know is……living the reality of having a friendship/love with someone who is Bipolar. Thank you for a revealing story.
I could really relate to this post.
As a bipolar sufferer, I seem to feel things so intensely that it overwhelms me. For example, my husband and I went to see the movie Atonement. Well I was completely on another planet after seeing it, as it was so deep and dramatic. When I saw the Trainspotting move years back, I had to walk out , my companion found me in a restaurant trembling and in a bad state. He couldn’t understand of course.
If I see a stray dog, I become hysterical. Any cruelty to animals sends me over the top.
I obsess over my grown up sons, and worry about them far too much, as I do with my elderly mother.
I am a complete idiot when it comes to the underdog. I seem to attract people and their problems because I feel so deeply for them. This gotten me into big trouble in my life.
So, yeah, I say the bipolar people have more intense feelings that people without it.
Liz Osler
My 21 year old son has bi-polar and OCD. What you wrote (Do Bi-Polar People Have Feelings?) was so well put that I am going to read it to my husband and daughter who seem to only remember the times my son is hurtful and selfish and think that he is JUST selfish. I have long recognized that the selfish side is not my real son, but the effect of the disorder when it flares up. We can all be selfish and angry and hurtful when we are under the weather, it’s just that mental illness is mostly invisible and so it throws mentally stable people for a loop when it seems to arise out of no where. They don’t understand what it is like to have times when it is like your disorder takes control of your body and it takes the help of the right meds and sheer will power to control it at all. I don’t know about you, but my son is also the most caring and understanding and empathetic person in my life when he isn’t in the throws of a rage or obsession. His bad may be terrible, but his good is just soooo good!
What the hell kind of question is THAT? Does the QUESTIONER have feelings? Good Lord, is it really any wonder that folks who have depression, who are bipolar, or who have other serious psychological conditions can’t catch much of a break after all this time?
Questioner, go forth and find your OWN feelings some place. Good NIGHT…
Yeah the above is my first reaction.
My next reaction runs along the lines of yours, Thor. Though I am not bipolar, I am overly sensitive and the therapy I’ve had and the SSRIs I take have helped me manage that sensitivity to the point where I feel I can do things like raising my son without frequently biting his head off at some of the things he says or does. I could probably even handle a job outside the home at this point! But yes, the intensity of those feelings would scare the hell out of me and others around me who care. I got real tired of that kind of fear, and tired of the fear I had that it would harm my son.
Still and all, it amazes me, the questions sometimes…
Finally, someone has put into words what I have felt whenever I have an epsisode. I am still very passionate about issues that grab my emotions, but at least now I do see the line, even if I cross it now and again.
I do not have bipolar, but am sure my boyfriend does. He is going to see a psychiatrist on Monday. When I read the headline I immediately had to read on to discover find out the answer. This is because I ask myself that same question every day about my boyfriend. I have not been able to understand how he can yell at his children for no reason, scream at me, call me horrible names, make me feel like I am worthless, and have absolutley no remorse or feel the least bit bad about his behavior.
After reading the anwser, I have a much better understanding of what my boyfriend is going through and know it is not the man I fell in love with and had a child with that is so mean and emotionless. But, rather his illness.
Wish us luck!!!
Liprap-at first, I was a little like “oh no you didn’t…”, then, I moderated.
In high school I had a relationship with a manic depressive-not boyfriend girlfriend, just two lonely confused friends.
On day he had a manic episode and hit me. Prior to that, he had said horrible things, on a regular basis, followed the next by wonderful things.
At 17, dealing with my own shit, I had to cut him out of my life. Even now, when he contacted me on Facebook, I ignored him. I can’t do it. I still hurt so much from that, and from wondering why he was so….rotten.
Now I know. Now I know that he did have feelings but they were so buried….sigh. He was so messed up.
Elizabeth, I used to be the same way. I can’t watch certain movies because the scenes resonate for days. It’s better now with Lithium, but never perfect.
Tasha, your boyfriend (and myself) are lucky to have such strong people around us, willing to advocate for us.
Those of you from bipolar central-oh HAI! Please feel free to browse the archives, particularily the “bipolar” and “crazy” tags.
You describe exactly what I, too, as a bi-polar, feels. I’m sending my husband the link to this site so that he can understand what is going on in my head. Even though I’m medicated, it still doesn’t stop you completely from these feelings; it just tempers them – puts them in a “normal” range if you will.
Thank you very much.
Ya I Have Bipolar Disorder And I Belive Myself To Be A Two Faced Monster And Ive Wanted To End It All More Than Once Because I Find It Hard To Live With Myself Knowing Im Never Going To Get Better, Yes People Suffering Bipolar Disorder Have Feelings! No I Dont Belive It Instently Means Were All Selfish! And Saying Bipolar People Wanting Comfort Are Selfish Is The Most Ignorant Thing Ive Read Today.
Hi there,
I am asking you…due to the fact you have more than once wanted to end it……what brought you out of it?
At this point in my life I have made plans…and thought them out…but I wouldn’t -couldn’t due to my children and my mother, as my father just passed away.
Do you think you will get better from bipolar?
What meds are you currently on.
I was diagnosed 2 years ago and feel I am not on the right combination as I do not feel well at all.
Everyday seems worse than the last.
All I would like is peace and contentment….not much to ask.
I lost my mother as a child. I couldn’t do that to mine. It’s brought me back from the edge every single time.
I will never get better. I will get managed. I take lithium every day. I listen to my doctor. I fight with myself not to take the easy way out, to be a better person.
Life seemed horrible not too long ago. It will come, if you let it.
I have to say that the question, “Do Bipolars have feellings?” is a valid one. At least from the perspective of someone who has been in a love relationship with one for two years. It’s very hard, after all the harranguing, after all the irrational blow-ups, the infantile fits of self-absorbed crying and wallowing self-pity, to firmly believe that your loved one has abiding feelings for you, or even an abiding awareness that you exist. That’s cynical, but it happens. Even when your lover is working hard, it is the ACTIONS, not the thoughts that eventually count. What haunts me the most, is the feeling that no matter what I do, or what she does, to grow and heal, she may always be essentially a selfish person. I mean at the core, unable or unwilling to be in a 50/50 relationship. She’s said as much…then changed the semantics of the statement, but I think she meant it. She is subtly cold, detatched, short, uninvolved, needy, demanding, cruel, mean. Of course, she has her normal moments…but they are just moments. I have never seen her in a manic state, but it seems her inter-breakdown functioning-that is, her NORMAL state is one of broad maladjustment, visa-vis close relationships. Despite being intelligent and a high achiever, she is a little girl in her romantic relationship with me. Not always, but probably 60% of the time. There is probably no time in which I can expect her to give like she takes, or when I can truly count on her. She always speaks of the virtues of being a good mate, and it clearly is a huge ego issue for her to perform…everything is about her ego…but she falls WAY short of being a good mate. She tries. And I know it’s very hard. But I am in despair when I realize I’m with someone who sees me as a convenience. I really doubt she has the capacity to love me in a real, deep, abiding sense. I want to think differently. Despite the changes she’s made, I seem to see an emptiness in her…so self-centered, that there is nothing there for a lover to hold on to. I shudder to think about what might happen should I ever really need her the way she has so often needed me. I think she’d just leave.
It’s a sad thing that bipolars have their own perspective, and their “reasons” for acting as they do, to defend themselves. But the other sad thing, is, their lovers (at least in a case like mine) are ALONE. The bipolar is alone, too. It’s very sad, because there is no way (at present, for me), to reach in and hold her, or to coax her out to really BE WITH ME. I feel like she’s not really there. I see bipolars get mad at the assertion that they often seem selfish. Sorry to say it, but for many bipolars, that’s exactly what they need to hear, and to struggle to come to grips with. There’s an intense selfishness that emminates from some bipolars (in love relationships). I know I live it every day with my bipolar girlfriend. Yes, she wants to be different. She even shows signs of improvement . But then in a minute, she’s in her own world. No matter what just happened, or what we’ve gone through, or what I have to do to keep her from blowing up…in any given moment, she can be walled up behind a mile of ego defenses and self-involved distractions. She even openly defends hese things, sometimes. She’s often very self-aware, and is generally aware of her world. But she suffers from subtle distortions of thought, reason, and emotion, which ABIDE at her core. I think it’s not so much a question of how she is, in or out of episodes, but who and what she is, irrespective of episodes. I’m pretty educated as to the basics of bipolar disorder, and I do believe she has not suffered a manic, or a severe depressive episode since we met. But if this is how she is in between episodes, then this is who she is. I believe she can change, but I don’t know if she will, or if I will be here to witness it. It’s a difficult situation, because I don’t want to leave her. If only she were capable of REALLY being my friend, my companion. That’s what’s lacking. Maybe it’s as much an incompatibility as her illness. But that selfish outlook…that’s a killer. I know what it’s like to be the bad guy. Years ago, i was the self-absorbed one, in a relationship with a beautiful young woman who did her level best to keep us together, sometimes saying”if you could just accept yourself, I love you the way you are.” But I wasn’t ready to chenge…until she left me. I may never stop regretting having lost her/driven her away. Later, I grew and changed. Now, I’m in a simmillar relationship, except…I was not bipolar. I had more subtle issues to deal with, and my whole ego & personality was more intact and healthy. I was at least capable of changing, albeit too late for my ex. I wonder, hope, and pray, is my current lover capable of waking up before it’s too late? Will she break out of that selfishness, and realize a path to living WITH someone else, as a true mate? That’s rhetorical. I guess I will see.
ruben-she sounds exactly like I did, before the Lithium worked.
We can be VERY selfish-you’re right. We get so wrapped up in the disease and how we’re feeling..and you get lost within that.
Is she medicated? Is it working? Is she just inherently selfish, or is it really the disease?
It’s so hard. How any of our partners do it, I just don’t know.
HEY THORDORA:
Thanks for your reply. I have to apologize for being harsh. I’m venting.
Thanks also for sharing your insihts as a bipolar person.
No, she’s not on any meds. She said that about three years ago, her therapist suggested she could-and probably should go off meds, being that she had not had a manic or severe depressive episode in a long time. In a way, I’d agreee with that, being that the meds must have drained her of so much sensation and feeling, not to mention the decreased libido, weight gain, etc. I find it hard to suggest anyone must be on meds, when they are so heavy. Now, I never knew her in those days.
She says the meds did indeed help, but when it was clear she had learned to avoid manic episodes, she felt it was right to rely on herself. I agree.
Which makes me wonder…and maybe there’s no good answer here…if what I see in her is not hypomania, then is it just her personality? I find this the saddest question of all. Is it possible that her normal functioning has been so affected by the process or disease of bipolar disorder, that she is just selfish, weak, cold, subtly convinced she’s being persecuted, etc? In other words, does this condition permanently alter one’s brain and mind, or is it even that people with these tendencies of thought and emotion are prone to being bipolar?
I do know this, according to what I studied as an undergrad psych major, and what I know of the DSM, her episodes of maladaptive behavior do not follow any recognized cycle of mania, hypomania, or mixed episodes. I really think she’s NOT experiencing mania. I think she’s been so affected by those previous episodes, so rocked, that she’s adapted into being irrationally self-protecting, bringing out in her a kind of mild paranoia, and a way of explaining most of her difficulties with me (or any other really close relationships) by laying blame on the other. She argues like a lawyer, then says I’m perpetually arguing with her. When I’m really making a good point about our difficulties stemming from her self-centered, defensive, vulnerable or cold tendencies, she closes her eyes, like she’s falling asleep…shutting it all out. Then she locks up, and ends the discussion.
I guess the only constructive question I could ask at this point, to any bipolars out there-especially women, is DO YOU THINK THAT BEING BIPOLAR-EVEN LONG IN REMISSION, CAUSES PEOPLE TO BE PERMANENTLY DEFENSIVE, IRRATIONALLY SENSITIVE AND SELF-CENTERED, DETATCHED, AND NEEDY? DOES THE CONDITION SOMEHOW PERMANENTLY WARP A MIND INTO A SORT OF DELUSION ABOUT HOW THEY RELATE TO THOSE CLOSEST TO THEM? Because my girlfriend, despite being very intelligent and insightful in many ways, seems to be in the thrall of an abidingly warped sense of how she treats me, or what’s really happening. She can realize at times that she’s out of line, and be very contrite…but then she goes back to the same old thing…minutes later. And the wierdest thing is, she actually says she believes that I want to argue with her…that I’M the one who wants power, influence, to dominate, or be an authority, to compete with her. I see it as so bizarre. These are not in any way the things I want out of our relationship. I want to have an absolutely trusting, secure relationship with a woman who is my best friend. I want to admire her, to look up to her as much as anything else. But she keeps insisting I want to put her down or argue with her. It’s like a delusion.
But I’m being redundant.
Any perspective you may have would be appreciated. She’s worth loving.
OK, I’ve just read more accounts of people SEVERELY affected by bipolar disorder. Now My lover’s brand of subtle delusion and mild paranoia seem like blessings, compared to the scenarios I’ve read. I should be thankful she’s not experiencing full-blown episodes, and that her level of persecutory beliefs are so low as to be unrecognizeable, without close examination.
Maybe because she’s (close) to being “normal,” I just have a hard time believing she really believes the things she does. I somehow expect her to make the step from being difficult, stormy, self-centered and ultra-sensitive, to being well-adjusted.
Perhaps I should thank God-and her-that she’s so well-off. At least she’s functional, and in graduate school. At least she’s not stark raving mad, and in total terror.
Life is hard, any way you look at it. It’s just harder for some people.
Hearing you say “She’s worth loving” makes me happy. So many of us are, and the effort is just herculean, and scary.
I find it odd that a doc would say she could go on and off her meds according to episode-did you hear them say that, or did she say that herself? (I’m asking because I’ve been incredibly manipulative in regards to my meds in the past) It doesn’t make sense-most medication for bipolar takes quite some time to reach true theraputic levels, and coming off the drugs abruptly can cause problems. (I cold turkeyed off Wellbutrin and triggered my self into hospital)
I’m not lying when I hear my self in what you’re saying. And I don’t believe that mental illness goes into remission. I really don’t. I think we’re able to better compensate for the demands our brains put on us, but I don’t think we can live the rest of our lives drug and therapy free.
Of course, there are exceptions to everything.
Can you go with her to a doctor, for a second opinion? I was very very scared of drugs for a long time, but now, on lithium, I’ve found a drug that doesn’t make me numb or ruin me. It makes me as close to normal as I’ve ever been, and my marriage is thriving for this. Perhaps there is something that can help her as well. When I look back, I can’t believe all the things I thought were true. Pure delusion.
Feel free to email me Ruben-thordoraATgmail.com
Ruben…
For those of us who are irrationally self-protective (which doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with bipolar — I’m not bipolar), being told so by those closest to us doesn’t help, even when we know it’s true. If you two are having serious, recurring, chronic issues in your relationship, I would suggest a good marriage counselor. There is something about an objective third party and / or an expert that can allow us defensive fearful types to work a little more effectively.
People need to realize that being Bi-Polar is a permanent medical disorder/disease like Diabetes. It can’t be cured, it can only be treated & monitored. There are new medications that are coming out every day to help Bi-Polars. Sometimes you have to keep trying different combinations & even new drugs to find what will work for you. You have to be patient & work with your doctor. If you don’t like what is happening with your meds, speak up. The doctor works for you. If you’re still not satisfied, get another doctor. There’s no reason to suffer. I see that a lot of you take lithium. I take Depakote & Lamictal. I go to a psychiatrist for my medication management & go to a counselor for my emotional & other issues management. When your an unmedicated Bi-Polar you will have picked up all sorts of behavioral quirks (for what of a better word) that needs to be addressed. It took me 10 years to work out most of my quirks.
The best advice I can give from one Bi-Polar to another, get on some meds that work, STAY on them, & get some counseling.
I think the real question here is do bipolar people have feelings for you? It is obvious that bipolar people have feelings, wether layed out on the couch in uncontrollable sobbing or elevated highs of laugher and talking. For those of us that are a partner in this illness, the question is never does the bipolar person have feelings but rather do they have feelings for me? Seemingly the one emotion that a bipolar person seems to be able to keep a tight lid on is love. This desease is selfish wether it has the bipolar person in the depths of dispare where they cant see their partner through the darkness, or on top of the rainbow where the colors are to bright to notice their spouse standing firm beside them. Often we as partners feel left out, ignored, and at the end of the day like our partners dont care one bit about us or our feelings, because they are engrosed in their own feelings. So does a bipolar person have feelings for you? The answer as I see it yes, they do. Even when this illness pulls them in all the wrong directions, when their impulsive feelings effect their decisions and even when they are breaking your heart. They love you, it is just in those moments they can not see you. With proper meds and theropy to level those moods, you will be standing grounded beside them and they will then be filled with recognition and love for the person who stayed grounded and planted there right beside them while they were off chasing rainbows. I feel that it is important as a partner to try and remember that the bipolar person in the relationship isnt doing the impulsive behaviors or staying on the couch because that is what they are choosing to do. That is simply where the illness is taking them. Also to always remember that your emotions are important too. What is most frusterating to me is that the mood disorder clinics do not offer support groups for spouces. We are simply left to our own devices. This illness effects everyone, and as partners I feel it is so important that we too be taught how to deal with all of this. I understand that some people are coming from abusive relationships and it could be dangerous to involve an abusive spouse in the recovery process. However, what about all of us who genuinly love and care about our partners and truly want to understand the illness and be given the tools to cope with the emotional blows we all take as a result of this illness? The resources out there for partners of bipolar people are slim, and availabliity is even slimmer. In fact this is the frist web site I have come across that has been helpful at all. So thank you to all of you for engaging in intelligent open minded conversation. I am finding this very helpful.
Seemingly the one emotion that a bipolar person seems to be able to keep a tight lid on is love
Jenn, that is so very true. Love was the one thing that unmedicated scared the crap out of me.
I am a 48 year old physician who has led a full life, including professionally. Like most physicians who are not shrinks, I have dealt with bipolars as patients from time to time, but never gave any thought as to what it might be like to be romantically involved with one
But over the last 6 months I fell in love with a 38 year old woman that I initially took into my home somewhat like a stray dog. I was quickly overwhelmed by the anger, self-centeredness, lack of reciprocal affection, etc. She has recently ended our relationship and my attempts to convince her that I love have proven ineffective and actually counter-productive.
I am writing her just to thank all of you for what you have shared here. I have gone on-line a few times in the past to make sense of her behavior, but nothing has been near as insightful as what I have learned here.
PS–Sorry about the typo’s, I should have proof-read it prior to hitting the “submit” button.
That’s why I write these Sean. To bring perspective to all of us. Lord knows I could have used it 2 years ago.
This is the best thread I have ever read. I too am in the same boat as many of you. Not afflicted by Bipolar but have deep true love for one who is. We haven’t talked in awhile as it is too painful for me, but i think of her everyday and dream of her every night. She is worth loving and worth the hurt but I am not the one who can be there as much as I wish I were stronger. Sadly I am not…..
Hello, and thank u all for your honesty and insight on this website. I was currently reconnected with an old high school friend… we both found out that we not only went to the same high school and still share a lot of the same friends, but we also grew up in the same city in europe as kids, and now both work in the same profession. We have basically lived very parallel lives. We met up again by a chance encounter, and fell in love immediately. Everything was wonderful for 2 weeks, and then one day he just woke up at my place -the first time he stayed the night in my room- and he woke up so angry. Up until this point I had been the centre of his world and a goddess to him. We had already decided we were made for each other and would get married and have kids one day. I know it was fast… but we had also known each other 15 years earlier in high school, but never romantically, more like acquaintances. Anyways… he woke up angry, and a completely different person. He usually always held my hand and carried my bag… this day he walked ahead of me huffing and puffing, until I burst out, I could not handle it anymore. I finished by crying, he walked off and did not contact me. I called him the next day and he said he had bought a ticket to go overseas to visit his best friend. He ended up leaving for 3 weeks, and never contacted me wen gone. The day he came back to town, he called me immedately, I missed the call and called back, and his phone was off.Once again he was too proud to make the move. So, I text him. We text back and forth a couple of times, and he invited me out the next day. I met up with him and his friend, we had a great night… altho I was sooo nervous at first. We did drink have to say… but it was like we continued from where we had left off… it was perfect, and again he was telling the world (and all his friends) he was going to marry me and have kids with me. Then he had to go away to a friends’ family gathering… he walked me home, everything was perfect. Then I did not hear from him ALL weekend. He finally called, I met up with him again, he was somewhat reserved with his feelings… then as the night and the beers progressed, he was abusive and bossy with me again. We had a huge fight where I cried, and he apologized, then we went home to my place. He wanted to sleep with me and I said no. Then he told me how much he loved me, always had and always would… and I know it sounds like he was just trying to sleep with me, but it was really more than that… he went on to say he was really scared of loving me, and knew I was, but we would try harder. But he also said that I also had to understand that he would always go, but he would always come back. Anyways, he woke up in the morning (2nd time sleeping in my room) ANGRY!!! again!!! He had borrowed my rent money from me the night before, and pressured me into lending him the money, by accusing me of not trusting him. Then he woke up in the morning, and when he was getting dressed I asked him why he was leaving, he said I could come, but didn’t really seem like he wanted me to, he was angry. Then wen I asked if he could pay me back the money… he blew up and asked for receipts and said I was just using him for money. I told him it as not true. He then walked out. I emailed him an hour later, and he was online at the same time as me. He text me twice that day to ask for my account details, and emailed me… but I told him forget about it. I also sent him a super long email about everything on my mind, that he “could” be bipolar and I that he had really hurt me. I told him I loved him more than words could explain, and that I could go with him if he wanted to a doctor, but not to contact me otherwise because he had torn me apart soo much. He never wrote back. I wrote again… I said, please just give me an explanation, I love you and I have been so depressed, please give me closure. Still nothing. Like last time before he went overseas, he also ignored my heartfelt text message. SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!! Anyway, I guess what I want to know is… what should I do! Leave him alone like last time, and then he will come back? Also, how do I break it to him that he is bipolar- i’ve done so much research on it, and he clearly is bipolar. He will get angry and not want to see it. Maybe he will never contact me again because I told him to look into it in the email, and alsocut and paste some infor for him. I told him he could have it, but might not, and that it didn’t hurt to look into it, and said that maybe he just had issues with anger. he also has huge abandonment issues with his parents. He has no bro or sisters, and only his good guy friends from the last ten years who are his family. Most are in relationships and married… does he not think about why they are, and he is not?? Also, another thing I read, one of the symptoms, not liking crowds or confined spaces. When we go clubbing we can never go on the dancefloor, only stand near the bar- he told me he gets very uncomfortable in crowds, he almost freaked out when we went to a parade and got stuck in a crowd once, I’ve never seen him so scared. Then each time he wakes up in my room… he is angry… my room is very small and kind of like a basement-feel -u have to walk up a couple of steps to get out. Maybe this is why he always wakes up angry in my room?? I guess ALL this writing… what I want to know is… does he care? does he mean all these things he says to me? Will he return? What should I do? How should I treat him? How will he ever learn he is bipolar if he has no family to intervene, and his guy friends will not ever do anything about it. I am so depressed, I have stayed in bed for a week, I am so drained, i have no energy to function. I feel used and so unbelieveably hurt. After a week of depression, I am slowly getting out of it though, and in a couple of days will be back to normal (somewhat) so don’t worry about me. I am just heartbroken, and feel very betrayed.
Just to make it a bit clearer since I know it is the length of a novel… does he mean the nice things? the bad things? both? neither? how do i know for sure? why does he disappear, and will he return? do i leave him alone, or contact him 2 remind him i love him? usually i would feel so desperate and stupid doing that, but is this what he needs? how does he ever face his problem? thanks for ur patience with all my questions…. i am in need of advice so dearly!!!
the other thing i forgot to mention… the last contact I had with him was the following email… what is ur acount nb… which bank… i will deposit. I can’t see you anymore, you and me are not good together, we drink too much and it scares me… its not you… its just that i don’t need another drinking buddy… that’s it.
So what does that mean? We do drink a lot when we are together on holidays, but not all the time… … I am in NO WAY sayng that is a good thing, but we both work freelance and have weeks off where we can go party and sleep in, so being young, we do that. However he also does recreational drugs if they are offered (does not go out looking for them ever), and I do not do any drugs. So wen he says this i really feel like it is an excuse. I only really drink wen I am with him, bc I get nervous of his moods sometimes, and he drinks with his friends when he disappears from my life for weeks at a time. Is this just an excuse? Two days prior to this email he was calling all his friends saying that he wanted to marry me?? This is crazy… what am I to believe. One minute I am truly convinced he loves me, and the next I am convinced he was just using me, and loves to hurt women and gets great pleasure out of it. So confused.
Oh Denise this story rings so true with me! I thought my situation was so weird and no one could understand but by doing bit of research on bipolar on net and coming across your story, it had certainly cleared a lot of things up for me and wondering why a person was acting this way, I knew there was an explanation but couldnt understand until i came across the symptoms of bipolar! Thanks denise, please email me.
Hello! Thanks for the reply… it is so hard, isn’t it?!! I would love 2 know more about ur situation. Wat is ur email address, if u’d like to share stories pls write…. I am glad that my long, soooo detailed posts have been able to halp someone!! lol… I have written so much, but writing and sharing really helps for some reason… and I really am bad at the short and sweet, lol.
this girl i know and love but am really scared of now has been pretty much doing the same to me as what(confused)partner is doing to her.Who knows what there true feelings are!I dont know if they know themselves so i think that question will always remain un answered!It is a very selfish illness but also cant be blamed on the person but without medication there will never be any chance of normality>please dont blame yourself it isnt you and youll constantly feel like bashing your head against a wall..and you,ll never be able to figure this person out so dont bother trying i am convinced this person is well worth loving but sadly my advice would be walk away with your sanity now if you can.you,ll do your head in and trying to convince one to seek help is a battle itself and if they can hide from you they will!sorry
After everything I have been thru, all the lies I have been told, all the heartache…. the understanding and patience… the forgiving… All I can conclude is that…. “No, Bipolar people such as the person I am dealing with, have no feelings at all, no sense of remorse for the pain they inflict, no empathy for all we go thru, no care or heart wen they leave behind a destructive path” I’m sorry to say… but this is all I can say after everything I have been thru, I have been broken, disrespected, made a fool.
bipolar people DO have feelings. Wy do you think we are so messed up? If we didn’t then things would be so much easier, on us as well as the people around us. I wish you were right. I wish we didn’t.
What do we do when there’s nothing left to do? Where do we go when there’s nowhere left to go? You obviously don’t see the lonely and petrifying moments. You only see the ripples.
I have been in love with a man for 8 years. Four of those years we dated and it was on again off again. He would tell me one day he didnt love me and the next he did..and he always seemed so genuine in what he was feeling. He would break up with me and devastate me and then he would want me back. Four years again he asked me to marry him and i moved in with him. His moods continued to change about me but he would never break up like he used to…now he has decided he is no longer in love with me. The relationship with him has been so traumatic. My friends got tired of the drama…i woke up one day and realized i was completely alone. He shows no remorse for the emotional torment he has caused me. A “healthy” person would never treat someone like this. Its hard to let go because i have hung on so long..i am damaged emotionally from this. His mother is Bi-polar…Anyway its just been terrible. He drinks every night to drown his feelings…he does not like crowds, he has anxiety but he functions like a champ at work and with his family. Its just me that has suffered. I have done such a good job of taking the abuse that noone else has had to suffer. Its one of the most heartbreaking situations i have ever experienced in my life. I am the one who crys allthe time now and has alienated my friends. Everyone has told me for years he is a jerk and i should leave..but i became too attached. The things he has said and done are so painful. He tells me i am the problem now..anyway thanks for listening
Nice one everyone. Just walk away. Why not. Perhaps you are blinded by your own emotion rather than the problem at hand. Please, just try walking a day in their shoes too. You might find yourself in the same places.
I just wanted to say thanks for the website Thordora. I’ve read alot of your posts and this website is one of the few steps forward I’ve been able to take in dealing with this.
I’ve been dating a bipolar person for a year. He has broken up with me and then gotten back together with me 5 or 6 times. I thought I was going crazy because everything quickly went from being utterly perfect to being an absolute chaotic nightmare full of suspicion, irrationality, cruelty and abandonment. And because I didn’t understand the nature of bipolar, I thought everything was my fault and that I was losing my mind. Seeing other people’s stories that mirror my own helps me deal with the fact that it’s not just me. So thanks very much for that.
Now I’m trying to figure out whether to stay with this person or not. He tells me I mean everything in the world to him. That I am the Holy Grail etc. He apologises afterwards for the things he does, but can very rarely discuss them in detail as it eventually sends him into a frenzy. And then he does the same thing to me again a few weeks down the track. So I basically just have to move on as though nothing happened.
I can deal with the subtle/not-so-subtle distortions of reality, the selfishness, the constant paranoia, the overwhelming ego followed by the incredible self-pity and the host of other baggage that comes along with this disorder.
However, the one thing I cannot deal with is the abandonment and the cutting off of all communication. Why do bipolar people cut off all contact like this? The person I am dating is American (as am I) and we met in Australia, where we were both working. He had to return to the US last week because he was laid off at his job due to a restructure and didn’t have the proper VISA. After a month of one of his episodes of not contacting me, he tells me his flight for the US leaves in a week and that he doesn’t know if he’ll be coming back but that he wants to be with me. This is when he calls me the Holy Grail.
We spend a few days together before he leaves and then we have a fight because I want to spend as much time with him as possible before he leaves. He interprets this as controlling. He was completely obsessing about cleaning his apartment before he left and giving away his furniture to his friends that he completely forgot I existed almost. But I needed to talk to him about planning and other serious issues because he had cut off all contact the month before this. So after spending a a few days together, he cuts off contact with me again and says he can’t be with someone that controlling. I end up having to show up at the airport to see him.
He tells me he’s in love with me, that he wants to be with me, that he’s sorry for everything. That he wishes he had spent more time with me etc. He tells me not to cry because he’ll be back in a month with a new job. When he gets home, he calls me all the time and tells me all the sweet things anyone would want to hear. He sends me pictures of units he wants to live in with me and tells me he wishes he was there when he went hiking etc. He says that he sees things clearly now and that so much insanity was happening that he didn’t know how to react – which is why he shut me out for weeks at a time. I told him that he was just nervous because he hadn’t been back to the US in a long time. But then he insisted that he really did love and want to be with me.
One week after he gets home, I finally get the courage to talk to him about serious planning. I was always afraid to because anything serious triggered him to shut down. He said he wanted to be with me, so I needed to know WHERE he wanted to be with me – Australia or somewhere in the US – so I could plan my life accordingly. I asked him again if he wanted to be with me and he said absolutely. But he wanted to leave it all up to chance. If he got a job in the USA, it’s like he expected me to go wherever he was. If we’re in a relationship, we needed to decide on a place to find a job (neither one of us would have a problem getting a job) and then focus on that. He then told me he couldn’t commit to that. So i asked him what he wanted to do to ensure we would be together and he just said wait and see where he ends up??
I told him I had been through too much and that if he wanted to be with me he needed to be more proactive rather than tossing the cards up into the air and let them fall where they may. And I knew this was risky because this sort of talk always triggers him into bipolar episodes. And I told him I had to go because I was afraid I’d yell or we’d get into a fight. So I hung up.
He then sent me a text saying he cares about me more than I’ll ever know and that he’s sorry he can’t commit because he doesn’t know where he’ll end up. I send him a message back saying, “Where you end up doesn’t matter. If you want to be with me, then we can both make it happen”. I then get a message saying he needs a break from all the craziness and that I should “have a great day
”. I don’t hear from him for over a week and still have not.
I needed to type all that out because for some reason it’s cathartic. But my main question is this:
Why do bipolar people shut people out like this? I would rather he scream at me. But when he absolutely shuts down and cuts off ALL contact it drives me absolutely insane to the point where I can no longer function. All of these contradictions…why does it happen? Why do bipolar people disappear?? It’s not like he said he didn’t want to be with me this time. He just up and disappeared and left me wondering what I should do.
I’d say out of the past 13 months, we’ve spent 11 of it as a couple and 2 months with him disappearing. Please, any advice/insight appreciated.
Hi there all.
WOW. From the perspective of a person who was married (now divorced, thankfully) to a person who is bipolar, this is a GREAT question.
And, like one poster suggested, it is not whether they have feelings – they DO. It’s extreme feelings. Disproportionate feelings. Abundance of feelings.
Rather, the question is, are the feelings, about you or anything, authentic. At least that’s how I interpreted it.
I know this is defensive for those with bipolar – ‘how the hell could they ask the question….walk in my shoes’
But, try walking a day in our shoes.
Instead of defense, maybe we can shed light on the perspectives of each other. I certainly have learned a lot from everyone with bipolar what it is like to have it. And, it explained a LOT in my marriage. Didn’t make it OK, but explained it.
Lori – my story could have been yours. It is very hurtful and damaging. Ups and downs that you can pattern out now.
From the non-bipolar partner perspective, when we see so many mood changes, changes in interests, passions, life choices, we are left feeling if any of the passion/feelings that were felt a few days ago about something (or you, or someone) were real at all?
I often wonder if my xh loved me at all? Given what it looked like without knowing it was bipolar, it is normal to feel.
I think the best thing is that if you ARE bipolar, letting a potential partner know what you are going through and what you might experience. If you can’t control these episodes, I think you should not get into a relationship without tellign someone fully. Wouldn’t you tell them openly about any other condition you had? That way, they can make choices.
But, mostly it looks like the questions and relief here is felt by people who do not get help for bipolar, and that ends up feeling abusive.
And, as much as I know it’s a disease, we cannot liken it, simply to cancer or diabetes. Those don’t emotionally hurt those around you. It is similar in disease perspective, but that’s it. It’s harder, you must understand, when the people you affect are hurt emotionally or physically or financially, it often feels intentional because things are said with such conviction, extreme decisions, self-pity, you believe the blame on others (mostly you), you take blame to take control, and you learn to give your life and attention to the emotions they are always riding. Things are rationalized, nothing you say is heard, or even thought of.
For many people, it’s not just a time of raging on others and screaming fits. It’s draining the bank account, leaving a spouse and kids, kicking them out, cheating, abusing them emotionally, wreckless decisions.
I read that someone in a post said that we should try walking in their shoes before leaving. How could we walk away?
If they want help, then I agree, if that is what you want.
IF they don’t, then I honeslty, from my experience, feel that symptoms that I went through from someone does not warrant standing around, and dealing with it. I know he does not mean it, but it doesn’t make it OK, and it doesn’t mean I have to live with it.
Let me ask this. Speaking of selfish.
Don’t you think that it’s a little selfish to get into a relationship if you know you act like this, and are capable of this?
Why ruin someone’s life? Get help or get on with it.
But, as the original poster stated, it is what it is. Sometimes the partner doesn’t matter. It is selfish and hurtful. I respect that.
I also hope that folks here can respect a partners decision to, when fully informed, walk away as THEIR choice.
rose – i agree with so many of your points. It is so true that we should be warned beforehand. bipolar ppl seem to be quick to blame us, yet not understand that we also go through extreme pain. I have been on the brink of suicide because of wat my guy did to me and does to me –he cheats, lies, steals, disappears– yet I ALWAYS try to imagine wat it is lyk for him, and not for one second does he stop to think wat it is lyk for me?? I feel used and I never know if he really loves me or just comes by 2 use me?? A little warning and understanding on both sides would be nice. You don’t have to be Bipolar to have extreme feelings of depression and thoughts of suicide and loss….
fz – i totally understand wat u r going thru. I have been dating a guy that I know from years ago in high school. We reunited and have now been dating –and apparently soulmates and so-so-in-love– for 6 months. It was a fairytale, and I really felt that he was SO in love with me, and me with him. I feel like we are meant to be, I would settle down for him, I’ve never felt this way about anyone. But in 6 months he has disappeared about 5 times, for weeks/months at a time. If he goes overseas, its months… its like he forgets about me bc he is overseas. In 6 months we have been together maybe 1 month, if that?? Yet, he always comes back as if nothing, and still pronouncing love to me, and wanting to marry and have kids with me…. then BAM… disappears again. No contact, phone, facebook, internet, texting, NOTHING!!!! Does he even think about me I wonder?? He even contacts our mutual friends on their facebook and msn pages… but not ME!!!??? Please explain someone??? Why??? I have the same question…. why do they disappear and have NO contact with us watsoever, and return like nothing weird just happened?? wat about our feelings?? do they not count?? I just want to kno if he means these things or not, how can I find this out, how can I tell??
lg – I am sorry if you feel this way about ppl walking away… I don’t blame ppl. But as for me… I HAVE NEVER walked away. NEVER. No matter wat my guy does to me. Instead I let him get away with everything, set the rules, come and go as he pleases. I send him messages telling him I understand and I love him and to just return wen he is ready…. then I leave him. I try to think wat it is like for him. But he never thinks wat it is like for me!! I NEVER WALK AWAY, BUT HE ALWAYS WALKS AWAY, and it is just as hurtful for a non bipolar person, just as traumatic, just as depressing, and I have just as many thoughts about ending it all. So please don’t consider our feelings as just ripples, as my feelings have been tidal waves even tho I am not bipolar. I hope u can also understand our pain is also very deep.
Thanks for reading everyone, this site is such a gr8 support!
This is really nice to talk about this.
It’s amazing the damage it does and how long it takes to ‘undo’ it in ourselves. Really, I don’t ask for bipolar ppl to be considerate or understand, because when the disease takes over, I will accept that they cannot. But, that’s also not a person I can live with.
In that way, it is MY choice. I guess the answer is to accept it, that your life will be a living hell of back and forths and so many other things, and even if on meds, the risk of stopping them…..or you say you need someone who is not bipolar. I chose the latter.
I dated someone recently who was not bipolar, after being with a bipolar person for so long, and it was AMAZING, not to have to consider mood swings ruining a day or days, to not be fearful of misery attacks, to not sit and wonder when you are ignored during manic highs and depressive attacks, to not wonder if they are cheating on you, taking your $, to not have to indulge in the raging pity parties.
I just think that if you are bipolar and know it, you should NOT be in a relationship. No matter how prepared the person is on the other end, it is not a healthy one, since most of the time, by admission by people here, you can’t help being selfish and awful. It should not suck another persons life to take care of everything and worry, and put up with it.
So we deserve to be alone?
LG – I don’t think anyone “deserves” to be alone. But what we are trying to say is that we have been very hurt and continue to be very hurt. We try to understand, we forgive, we stick around, we wait around, we lose our dignity, we give wegive we give!!! ….no matter how much we give, it still happens over and over again. Wat would you do if you loved someone who kept lying, cheating, stealing, disappearing, telling you he loved you… yet none of his actions matched his words?? I guess wat we are trying to say is that we hurt just as badly, it is not JUST bipolar ppl that hurt. I have been very close to wanting to end it all on a number of occasionals –i feel so lost and betrayed, don’t know if he means things or not– so my emotions have been very high and very low at times… it is not JUST bipolar ppl that have it hard and that are in extreme pain and emotional rollercoasters. I have to live every minute of everyday at the moment, completely depressed and lost and hurt– but masking it somewhat so i can go on with life -WE HURT TOO. I just don’t know what the answers are?? I guess I just want 2 find a way 2 let ppl with bipolar realise the pain. We realise ur pain, how can we get u 2 realise ours??
No, you bipolar people do not deserve to be alone. I never said that.
It’s more about everyone getting a fair chance at happiness and healthy relationships.
If you are about to get in a relationship, it is very important to be completely and brutally honest about your bipolar, and what has happened in the past, and allow that person to read up on it.
It is also your duty to take care of your health as much as possible. Don’t get into a relationship so someone can take care of your illness, manage it for you, or simply put up with it. I have read so many articles/stories about people who appear to use the relationship to depend on someone to manage their illness.
It may sound very harsh, but I actually think it is love. To show someone that you are willing to take great care of your illness as much as possible, but also that they love you back to understand the uncontrollable. That you love them enough to let them know truthfully what might be their life with you.
Anything else is selfish and lying.
For a minute, put yourself on the other end. There are many on the spousal/partner side who accept that their immense pain and suffering is the product of an illness and who understand past that pain, like Denise said. So, please understand the our side. Would you want to be with someone who could make your life like that? Not unless you had some assurances and full knowledge.
Also, understand that although we know this is not malice, rather a disease, clinical, etc. It also has ramifications that extend well beyond other conditions and disabilities. It is not living with someone who is diabetic, who had a heart attack, or even Alzheimers. It is not cancer, or being paraplegic. Those caretakers have stresses. But, take a read around and see the spouses in marraige with bipolar partners where things are not truthful, acknowledged, and you will see hurting families, people at the end of their own rope, people who have suffered mental trauma because of this, financial demise, betrayal, hurt, numbness, and literally a house of cards.
Just be fair. Be honest. Be responsible.
Rose is right.
I’ve fucked up and hurt some people in my life who have only tried to help me-because I couldn’t stop using my disease as a crutch to give me permission to be an asshole.
I am paying for that now. If I could take back so many words and actions…but I can’t and now I understand, fully, what drove someone to search for that phrase.
I do have feelings. I know that for sure now.
Thank you, thordora.
I was shocked at the incredulous reaction by so many people here when they read that someone would ask that question about bipolar people.
It’s about ALL of us having self-awareness, accountability and responsibility.
That’s not too hard. That’s part of being in the human race. The rules don’t exclude you because you are bipolar. Especially not these days when you have plenty of help for it.
Many people here with bipolar (and in other places I have read) point to being very blaming, absorbed in self-pity and selfish to the point of not being able to see or admit to things they do. Maybe, this is part of the disease for some really outrageous stuff.
But, I don’t think it’s an excuse. And, I don’t think it’s an excuse for comments like LG, who instantly assumes I mean that BP people DESERVE to be alone, or that non-BP are cruel to take the option of leaving a relationship.
Is that being bipolar? Or is it just plain and simple not wanting to be considerate and selfish?
Are YOU kidding ME? You think it’s cruel to leave a relationship with someone who is very bipolar? No, I think not. If I went to any counselor (and I did), I would be considered in an abusive relationship and told to leave.
I am sorry you have this disease. But, when you get like that, hurtful and destructive….it is NOT your God-given right to have someone care for you no matter what, and to simply say ‘ooops, I’m bipolar, I’m sorry.”
Nor is it MY God-given duty to stand by the side of someone like that. I have a right to live a good life, a normal life, if I want to.
Then, it is MY responsibility to take care of me, and to wonder why I would want to stay in a relationship like that. Even the original poster stated that INTERdependent relationships are hard. So why blame us?
So, to Denise, I would ask, why is it that you feel you must endure this torture to the point of wanting to harm yourself? Do you not feel that your life is too precious to waste on someone like this? Maybe it’s not intentional, but they are sick and not taking care of it and it is destroying you.
LEAVE. Staying beyond this is YOUR fault. You know what you are dealing with. Time to make decisions.
hello rose, i totally understand where u r coming from, and I agree. I have not seen him for a couple of months now. Actually, to be honest… this was not my choice. Things were perfect, then I got on a bus to go to work… and he decided to disapear from my life. I wrote to him, email, text, called etc… and hav not heard one word back. Yet he has left msgs on our mutual friends fcebook page and has even spoken on msn with this person. It s very hurtful. Especially after he had talked marriage and children, and moving in with me. I think I may have just been used for sex now, and for a good time, and for the little money I have which he borrowed. Why does he have to take it that far and talk longterm with me… thats just plain cruel. I am not a person to sit back and take crap at all usually, but I tried to be patient and made excuses, and forgave because he is bipolar. I know I will not see him for a very long time. He will pop up one day, could be years from now, as we have known each other since high school and have the same friends… however hopefully i will be strong enough to resist. It is just so hard wen u r in love and u think you have found the one. I am in so much pain at the moment. I am just slowly coming to terms with the fact that I mean nothing to him and he just used me and lied. It hurts to think that i think about him all day, and he probably never spares me a moment’s thought, and is telling other girls all the things he told me about marriage, kids and being soulmates. I am in a lot of pain, but just have to learn to live with it. I think it will take me years to get over this. I don’t fall in love easily, when I do I think it is for life, and when it ends it takes me years to get over. This is the second time I have been in love, last time lasted 6 years and the person did not have a disorder of any kind. I do not feel as though I deserve to be treated this way at all… but I just thought after reading lots of posts that maybe I should try to be more understanding and give him his space. I did everything EVERYTHING and more… yet he still disappeared and I am still nothing to him. I treid so hard to be patient and understanding, supportive… yet nothing worked. My life is precious, I work very hard at my career and work very hard on making myself and my life the best I can make it in all areas… but then I fall in love with this a-hole and it makes everything tougher. Betrayal is the worst. No matter how hard I say “no, it’s over!” there is still a part of me that keeps hoping he will return, and dreaming of a future with him, and thinking about him everyday!!! I hate it!!! Why can I just not forget about him!! He is NO good for me! And clearly, if he returns, it will just be to use me again, because me knows he can, and he knows how easily he can gain my trust and convince me of things. I just have to stay strong!! I hate this pain an yearning though. Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it
i just read that, and it brought me to tears, all you said, is so true, i was diagnosed just over 18 months ago, and for the whole time since, i have struggled to believe that what i have IS bipolar, i was glad to put a name to what was ‘wrong’ with me, but at the same time, i didnt want it to be this……i hate the lithium, the visits to the psychiatrists, and all the symptoms, but i also love it too, cause it made me who i am!!
But for all the stuff i have read, heard, and said, this is the first thing that made me feel like someone else really REALLY has the same thoughts and feelings as i do……thanks so much……..your post has made me feel a little less alone in the world!!
I quit taking medication about 6 months ago, and have only just realised what a mistake that was, i thought i was better off without it, but i know i’m not really, so i guess its time to haul ass back to the doc and get back to treatment…..
How do I ever find help? The right doctor and the right medicine? This is such a horrible disease and such a horrible way to live. I feel like I am always hurting the ones I love and running off all my friends. What can I do?
I didn’t say much in the post I just made but trying to keep it short, I am at a cross roads as to whether I am truly bi-polar and feel certain one day that I am and the next that I am only a very strong-willed, Type A personality, possibly with ADHD??? I am in the middle of trying to find a new councellor because the one I have been seeing for 4 years doesn’t seem to have gotten me anywhere. Having gotton copies of my records when she left the practice she was in and started a new one, I just don’t see how she diagnosed me as bi-polar.
She doesn’t plan to accept insurance at her new practice and at our last visit tried to explain to me why. I am well educated as she told me but many of her patients aren’t and don’t understand the value of her time. She went on to explain “why” she didn’t want to deal with the insurance companies, such as the costs they charge her to be a member of their preferred physicians.
After reviewing these records, which really had very little information in them, they were basically a check list of things such as, MSE (anyone know what that means) with the choices for that line being Alert Confused Oriented-Alert was always indicated there
Another Line for Behavior with choices: calm cooperative guarded hostile with calm and cooperative always indicated
A line for Appearance alwas indicating that I was neat and appropriate
A line for Affect with the choices being Broad Fair Constricted Flat Expansive she always indicated Broad and Fair with a hand writtin manic thrown in once. She always seemed to see my speech as clear though sometimes rapid and pressured. My thought form, content, and perception always got a wnl (within normal limits) and My insight and judgement were always good and/or fair
She shows no lab work that was ever ordered and I was on Lamictal until recently when I had developed vertigo and nausaue problems that an ENT thought could be caused by the combination of lLamictal and Cymbalta which I had been on for at least a year. From what I’ve read since, she should have been testing my blood during this time for it’s lamotogene level and didn’t.
My husband and I decided that I needed to talk to my Family Doctor and I have written him a 2 and 0ne-half page letter voicing our concerns about my treatment. I can’t put my hand on her card right now but she is not a doctor but some type of counsellor and she can perscribe meds with out another signature. I find it strange that when the ENT said that the cymbalta and lamictal could be causing my vertigo that she “only then” ordered a blood test be done to check my lamotrogine level but by the time I could get into the doctor to check it it was all out of my system.
Now I’m just putting along.
I can offer a bit of a double perspective; my mother was schizophrenic and bipolar, and I am myself bipolar and a recovering addict. I know what it is like to struggle with demons that most people can’t imagine, I know about the terror of not knowing what is wrong with you or what to expect, the desperation of watching your life fall apart and the indescribable pain of being in the very depths of a suicidal depression.
To act like a fool in public. To burst into tears at how beautiful a drop of water is and how suddenly connected I was to the whole world. To feel not a whit of grief at the death of the grandmother who raised me.
I also know what it is like to grow up in a world made forever unstable by mental illness, where nothing was under anyone’s control and nothing in life was ever safe. To have my mother scream obscenities at me for thinking bad thoughts about her. To have her put us through hell for days and then swing into a manic mood, expecting us all to be caught up in it and getting angry when we were still too busy trying to recover. To never, ever be able to enjoy even the most exciting occasions if my mother was present, because I knew that at any time she could — and usually did — have a bad episode and it would all end in screaming and arguments and sometimes worse. To have it take such a toll on your father that you have vivid memories of him snapping and holding a kitchen knife over his stomach, screaming at her whether she wanted him to just stick it in. To never develop good social skills because your only role models are terrible and you don’t get too close to other kids because you don’t want them finding out.
To have the guilt of knowing all too personally the hell that the person is going through, and still not being strong enough to be able to stand by them and support them. The guilt of knowing it is not their fault that they do what they do, and of knowing that they don’t understand why you are acting the way you are, but to be too wounded by what they do that you can’t do anything but cut yourself off from them completely. To know that you are just like them.
It is a horrible, ugly thing, but we are all only human and there’s a point where mental illness can wear a person down so badly that despite their best intentions, for their own safety they have to get away. Knowing how badly it will wound the person they love, for reasons beyond their control, and worse, very likely beyond their ability to ever change or comprehend.
I want to add to that, that I think a big problem is what someone above has already covered; SUPPORT FOR THE FAMILIES. We have a public health group over here called the Schizophrenia Fellowship that does exactly that; it deals solely with people dealing with schizophrenics, not with schizophrenics themselves (except in joint sessions if requested, with the focus as much on the family member).
I strongly believe that more solid support like that for both the ill person and the people around them, as well as better education to the general public, would make an immense difference in bipolars being able to have healthy relationships. It’s no secret that the mental health systems are overworked and underfunded, or that it can be extremely hard to find the right medication, even if you WANT it. A horrifying number of mentally ill just wind up in jail over and over because they didn’t get proper care and it’s easier to just throw them away as soon as there’s an excuse to.
It’s an ugly situation right now, but change is being made; slowly, too slowly, but we are certainly improving understanding of and treatment of mental illnesses.
I have myself been on a rollercoaster ride for the last two years.I love my boyfriend with all my heart and he can give me so much love and affection back its overwhelming!But every 5 months or there abouts the cycle begins again,he says i dont make him happy and nothing makes him happy,his behaviour changes and he becomes obsessive about cleaning.He shuts me out completely and goes into his own world.
I am 23weeks pregnant now and he was so happy about the baby,he told the world he was going to be a daddy.The when i was 18 weeks pregnant it started.The distance,staying out all night getting drunk and among other things he had an anger that i cant explain towards me.He told me hes ‘not in love with me’ and that were over for good,this is the third time its happened now at least.I still go to pieces every time though.He said he wants the baby but he doesnt want me,so i moved back with my mum.In following rows he told me im just jealous because he loves the baby more than he loves me,he told everyone im too controlling and that hes never coming back.I try to get him help and he tells me im calling him mental.
He said he would come to the babys apts but he was continually abusive so now he has cut all contact with me altogether,he says he ‘doesnt want to hear a word out of me til i go into labour’ i know i havent done anything but its awful being pregnant and feeling so alone. I am strong enough to love him and cope with the mood swings and i have no doubt he will be back before the baby is born i just wish he could see what he is doing and i wish i knew why he leaves?Does anyone here who is bipolar understand why this has happened?this site is brilliant and im so glad i found it
Sarah my dear, my heart goes out to you, you poor sweetheart, I just want to give u a big hug, xoxo. You are very strong, and you seem to be understanding the disease somewhat, the fact that you know he will come back, and the fact that you know that he does not mean this. My bf at the mo is bipolar, and believe it or not the one before him as well?? lol Weird?? haha. I did certainly not go looking for it, but it just happened that way. The first guy had no clue there was anything wrong with him and was completely out of control. He talked of marriage and kids in the next year…. then disappeared from my life one day without a word. Never replied to any texts, calls or emails…. yet still leaves messages on a mutual friends facebook wall… still ignores me as if I never existed. I was so in love, knew him since high school, so dead and numb inside, felt so used. Last time I saw him he was kissing me on the lips saying he loved me, then saying that he would see me later… I got on the bus to go to work, then never saw him again!! I think he got overwhelmed by his feelings for me… so he ditched me. A couple of bipolar ppl have told me (or I have read in posts) that they often ditch ppl before they get ditched. Because they are so paranoid, they always think that the other person is going to hurt them and not want them, especially because they are bipolar. My current bf has it somewhat under control, is aware of his condition, and warned me about it. When he goes into cycles, he explains to me what is going on usually since he knows I have read up on bipolar and understand it somewhat. Sometimes when he is mean to me, he tells me that he can’t help it, he feels like he has to be before I am mean to him, he often tells me that I am mean…. even tho I am not!! He has a lot of paranoia that I am always being unkind and controlling. I am sooooo controlling aparently! I think I can be a little… but he takes it to the next level. I just don’t want him smoking weed all the time!! He has tried every kind of medication out there, and says he cannot take it because it turns him into a zombie with no feeling to the point where he has no personality and even dribbles. Pot just brings him to the right level, and helps him not to get angry or too sad, bc he thinks less. The come down is not good though, and he knows this. I am getting him to try some herbal stuff soon. Anyways…. At the moment he decided that we needed time apart and has not been calling or texting like he used to. In fact if I did not call or text, he probably wouldn’t either. I think he is in a bit of a downer, but I know he is making an effort to sometimes pick up and sometimes text back. Only he is not loving as he usually is… he is short, cold. Seems not interested in talking to me. He warned me of this… so I guess even tho I am a little hurt, I know that he will be back to the loving guy he was again soon. My ex on the other hand because he was not diagnosed, and because he did not know how to deal with his cycles…. he would just go missing all the time and NEVER call or NEVER email/text. I think that what I am noticing wen I look at both relationships and guys is that if you can have an open and honest conversation about their moods (when they are in a good mood), then wen they are in a bad mood you will understand more bc they will have explained to you, and you might even be able to talk to them about it a bit while they are going thru it. They might feel safer being able to talk about it while it is happening if they know that they have already discussed it with you before. I am no expert and everyone is different… but this is what I am noticing. AND they must know they have “bipolar”…. if they don’t then you can def not talk about it with them. Talking is the best. Think of a time in your life that you have been in a really really bad angry mood bc someone did something to you or bc of a fight?? Think about how you felt right afterwards, still angry for a while afterwards…. still on fire, adrenaline still rushing, unable to talk to the person, needing to get away, unable to snap out of it and be happy for a little while….etc etc. Well, this is how they feel, but with the smallest things, and it lasts longer for them. For us it might last minutes or hours, and for some ppl with bipolar it can last weeks, maybe months. They want to get out of the bad angry or sad mood, but they can’t no matter how hard they try. They know it is messing things up, they know its not good but they can’t help it. After a big fight with someone when you give them the silent treatment for example, and they are saying sorry and maybe trying to cheer you up… and you just can’t snap out of it?? Well, that is the same for them…. just way longer. Because they get paranoid very easily over non existent things to us, you just can’t know what will trigger them off. That is why the more you talk about it wen they are in their happy cycle, then the more you will know what to do and not do when they are down and angry at the world and you. Not that any of this will def help…. but it might…. anythin is worth a try. This is just wat I am experiencing at the mo, a little insight. Your boyfriend has probably been gone for longer this time bc while he is by himself and not around ppl he can stay in that down cycle. Wen you are around ppls it is easier to get out of it/snap out of it eventually, especially if you are around acquaintances/friends, not best friends or family. Also, the more he is alone, the more he has time to think and get paranoid, and come up with crazy ideas that he thinks you might be doing to him, especially by having his baby…. but he means none of them. Next time he comes back (since he has been gone for a while) he might be in his happy mood. So talk to him when he is in this state, tell him it hurt and you just want to understand what you should or should not do, and how you can or cannot help him. Ask what is going on in his head when this happens… happy cycle and angry/sad cycle. I wish I could do more. Stay strong. You have a little bundle of joy on the way
It is prob a good idea that you stay at your mum’s place because if you are around him while he is angry/sad, he will bring you down into an extreme depression which you do not need, esp while pregnant. I understand that you must be going crazy at the moment just waiting around to see what happens, unable to see him, speak to him. Just know he will be back and happy soon, and then you can try and talk with him. I wish you all the best dear. Please keep me posted. The site is always here for support during those difficult times 
I have avoided contact with him for a few days now and friends have noticed his mood is subdued,hes not as manic as he was.He has lost weight and although he is still drinking something seems to have changed.I am still keeping my distance however as suddenly the abusive text messages have stopped,he sent me two messages regarding my mail and i have ignored them.I want to make sure i dont trigger him again.If he wants me back he knows where i am and at the moment although he still wants full involvement with the baby he has gone dead quiet,nothing for 5 days now.I am still devastated as the last conversation we had he told me he didnt want me and to get over it but i have brushed it off,ive heard it all before.One thing that has startled me though is a message he put on his facebook profile on thursday(facebook is a socil networking site)a friend sent me it to have a look at as he has closed hi profile off to me in the last few days.In his ‘about me’ section it read:
‘I’m probably the biggest contradiction you’ll ever meet – I have huge double-standards, I drink and party with my friends far too much, I’m selfish and I like things done my way. But for a good reason – I’ve tried every other way and it doesn’t work!When someone you love needs you, nothing else should even be capable of getting in the way. I can be a cold-hearted bastard but still love you more than life. That’s just me.’
It is about our situation clearly but such an odd thing to write.He has left me pregnant and offered no support when i came to him and asked for it,and all i asked him to do is to slowdown his social life. Can anyone understand it from a bipolars point of view??
Hey Denise
I am so sorry for us. Everything you wrote is exactly what I just went through. I didn’t get a chance to really fall for him, but it was headed that way. We lived 8hrs away, but saw each other every two week. This went on for four months. He said I was the most important thing to him. He wanted us to be together, sent me presents and beautiful cards every week, and we were on the phone all throughout the day for hours at night too, until we could see each other. He even put his home up for sale to move here to the south. He told his friends he was in love and was getting married (hadn’t told me yet-he was saving that to tell me in person the next time we saw each other).
Everything was fine, he did tell me two months into the relationship that is was bipolar and was on seraquell. He had said he had even agreed to be filmed in his mania to get the meds which were 1200.00 a month with no insurance. I didn’t bother to learn about Bi-Polar because in my naiveness, I thought a pill would take care of everything.
In early september, he told me he had stopped taking his meds for a few days because they make him tired. That may have caused the depressive state to kick in because literally in 2 days I was dealing with someone I didn’t know. Suddenly, he had no interest in coming to visit or even me coming up there. Said he had to make it through the day first before he could think about that. He complained of being very tired and fatigued, and he lost track of time during the day. (He owns his own business (landscaping) so he isn’t under the confines of a 9-5 job and could at least get to work and do what he had to do).
He became very inconsistent calling me. No more texts, and where we talked 4-5 times a day, he barely called me at all and when he did it is as you said, very cold and distant. Plus everything I said seemed to agitate him. If I asked him was he okay and are we okay, he didn’t want to talk about it and said “he couldn’t care about anybody until he could care about himself.” But yet would tell me everything is fine, just hang in there. I have been depressed sometimes too….what I don’t understand is what makes a bipolar person turn on people close to them like this?
Within about 10 days, he had started to disappear for a day at a time and not call at all or call me very late. When we did talk he wasn’t loving at all or affectionate like he was everyday for the first four months. It seemed as you said….that he was making an effort to stay in touch but thats about it.
I tried to be supportive as he had told me some about what happens to him. I saw him manic but didn’t understand. After he drove 8hrs one time to see me, when he got out of his car he started bouncing up and down like a pogo stick, like 15 times. I had to make him stop because that kind of flipped me out. He also was very abrasive to my friends that he met. Scared them at first but then his charming side won them over.
The decision I made to break up with him happened after almost 3 weeks of this. We talked and he was very detached from me it seemed. He said “that us talking on the phone” didn’t mean that much to him. Before he had said that we were closer on the phone than 2 people sitting in the same room. He also said that I had not been on his mind alot. And I am the one that is getting “tighter” in the relationship than him and he needed to start being cautious….This was literally 10 days after he bought me a ring and told his best friend about it (who is my friend too).
Anyways I made the decision after a month of dealing with this to walk away for my own sanity. I tried to understand. I’m fine but it hurts because I miss the good side of him.
He did send me a few snippy texts, and a couple nice ones plus 2 calls that didn’t leave a message, but I haven’t returned any. I guess I wanted to give him some time to come out of this. I am a little remorseful today, its been 6 weeks and I’ve heard no more from him. Sad and glad but will survive.
I guess I just want to understand. I don’t talk to his friend about this as I don’t want to put him in the middle. Last time I saw his friend 2 weeks ago we chatted and it was never mentioned. I talked to his friend yesterday finally as even he wanted to know what happened because my ex hasn’t even talked to him about it. So I told him why I deciced to leave and he understood and would never have set us up if he knew what was really going on with the guy I was with. Seems like my ex-b wasn’t even honest with his best friend about the Bi-Polar. They all knew he would get depressed from time to time but thats it.
Thanks for reading everyone, I am so happy to have found y”all and this site. If anyone has any words of encouragement or insight from someone who is bipolar and understands my situation I would greatly appreciate it as it may help me to have some closure.
Hang in there Denise and God bless you and your baby Sarah. I will keep everyone in my prayers. We will be fine.
Take care….Mely
Wow, reading everything is so incredible. My fiance and I have lived with my bipolar I disorder for 7 years. Like many other sufferers it took many confusing years to figure out what was wrong.
The disorder is progressive and I hit bottom a few years ago. My concern is that maybe some of the sufferers mentioned are dealing with mixed disorders or are just selfish people. While I’ll admit I could be horribly selfish, with my disorder, I sought the help I needed to save our relationship.
Fortunately my fiance stuck through it with me because I was wrongly diagnosed with major depression first. I’m sure some of you know what can happen to a bipolar person if they are just given depression medication…..it turned me into a true monster. I had to drink every day just to handle the anxiety. It was the strangest feeling…like being both manic and depressed at the same time! I lied about the drinking, all the time, because I was so ashamed and scared. I actually felt like I was truly going insane, depersonalizing all the time, like I wasn’t even inside my body.
I finally changed psychiatrists and got things straight. I am now taking Lamictal, Zoloft, and Wellbutrin. In the beginning I was taking the highest doses. I have cut way back but will never stop taking the meds. There is no cure. It is an awful disease for everyone involved. It sounds harsh, but I told my fiance he had a choice to stay or to go. He chose to ride the storm. Thank God that he saw the person behind the disorder. I have been stable for 3 years and will be marrying the man of my dreams in May!
Annie..that is wonderful! Im so happy for you. I wish my story could be the same. I was wondering if you dealt with the depressive side at some point in your life. What is it like? Did you close people off? What does is mean when bipolar folks say they are selfish?
What causes the changes from caring for someone to dis-interest in them totally? Sorry Im asking so many questions. I was doing fine for the first month after I broke up with him. Guess I was a little angry, but now Im started to miss him, only I miss the man that I knew as normal and who deeply cared about me which was the first 4 months of our relationship. Only in the last 3-4 weeks did I deal with his depressive side which took over him in about 2 days. It hurt to have him become so detached and cold to me. Plus him starting to avoid and delay calling and coming to see me. That is why I had to walk away. It just hurt me too much to be treated this way. Especially because at first I thought he had found someone new. But he is not with anyone at all I hear.
One more question…what happens to the mind when he gets back to normal? Or his hypomania? Will his feelings return for the way he was a few months ago? Do some bipolar folks kind of pick up where they left off and their old feelings return, or do they just move on to a new stage in their life and not think about us anymore.
I would appreciate any help anyone could give me on this…especially from someone who is dealing with bipolar themselves.
Thanks again everyone…..Take care, Mely
I just found this site after having a re-connection to an old friend who I have loved and cared for since my younger days. He mentioned that he was bipolar and though I only read a little, I should have investigated further because now my feelings match so many of the stories above. I wish so much that I had delved into all of this because all of your testimonials have given me so much insight and validation for what I am now going through. I have never been so hurt by someone in such a short time.
When we first reconnected–he found me on the internet—he was in an angry and depressed phase….he is brilliant, so intelligent, but had incredibly low self-esteem, self hatred….Yet, was also self-centered, unaware of my needs. I helped him through an enormously stressful time being incredibly supportive….and felt in a way, that I got sucked into his mini highs and lows….thinking it was all due to the stress in his personal life with family and demanding mother.
Not linking any BP to his behavior….due to total ignorance on my part, I really took him seriously in everything he said. He was so loving and vulnerable….though I was hurt when I discovered something that he kept from me, and that precipitated my confronting all the little things that we do when new to someone….allowing for learning about them and being open and accepting. I won’t go into the details, but when I confronted him again with more questions about how his behavior had hurt me—he turned on me in a flash. Like many of you here, he was SO cold and dismissive and even after I apologized profusely when seeing that I did maybe say some things which were too blunt…..he never acknowledged his part in everything.
He has now reduced me to the “masses” of his cyber life….which I understand now is an easy way for them to hook up and get reassurances. He is now seemingly manic to me—his writing gets more cryptic, jokey and slightly erratic. From what I have read, this “on top of the world” feeling makes them think everything is so great and easy. He does not need me now and like many, I feel used.
I still have a deep love for this person, held precious for decades….I have felt so hurt and rejected by the things said to me, in the coldest manner, that somehow I feel maybe that to leave any hope of reconnecting with him I need to remind myself how cruel he was. The ironic thing is that he said I was a violent person and I am not in the least violent. My honesty with him, though blunt (because I thought he was strong) was seen as venom. He couldn’t even see that I cared so much for him and had so much faith in that he could face his fears—and that I was here. It is hard to see someone you love suffer.
I know my experience doesn’t match the level of a lot of you, but I guess it is the same loss I feel. I only wish I had found this topic to research earlier as though it might not have altered the inevitable, I might’ve had a chance to grow a bit more with this person.
I don’t know what I would do if he resumes contact–as now I have more to understand about him. It is kind of sad to hear many speak of the self-centerdness, narcissism and lack of acknowledgement…but I experienced all of this and addressed it to no avail. It’s sad because we ALL need to be loved and appreciated for WHO we are, not what we do–loving them. And interestingly, he talked all the time about “what you do” not say….and yet…..
thanks for sharing all of your heartaches….so much in this world.
Just another thing–I wrote in because I was very interested in what Mely wrote above. I too would like to know if someone who is BP or who can answer in the know—about her questions regarding how someone w/BP can be so dismissive and cold….and do they return to other contrary feelings when they are more even keel?
It would interest me very much in how they perceive the world as I’ve been reading that there is a paranoia, or fear of rejection, etc. etc.
My guy was fairly cognizant….stated–I will not get into a relationship because I don’t want to mess up someone else’s life. Breaking hearts is not the same, I guess.
in response to do they come back….well yes they do and its almost as though everything is forgotten and never even happened!my ex has been back 5times and he told me he hated me two of them.Another time i went up to talk to him and ended up back together and getting a takeaway like nothing happened!!!This time is different as im pregnant,friday night i had a nasty text message because i was out somewhere he didnt approve of, and believe me it was poison!I heard nothing all weekend and the today i got this message…..
Hey
Thanks for sending this through, really appreciate it.
I just want to say sorry for what I sent you on Friday night. I heard you were in venue and I was furious, after all we’d both said I just couldn’t understand why you would go somewhere like that. But it was still not a nice thing to say and I’m sorry. I still can’t agree with you going places like that when you’re 6 months pregnant, but there’s clearly no point telling you as you’re going to do what you want, regardless of whether it’s a good idea or not. If that’s you being stubborn and wanting to ‘win’, then well done, you have. I can’t see what you could have possibly ‘won’ from it, but that’s just my opinion.
Do you think we will be able to meet up and talk at any time? I would really like to feel her move, and there’s still lots for us to sort out for her. I think we should draw up a list of all the things we’ll need for her and then I can plan out what stuff to get and when best to get it. And we can talk about names a bit more if you want.
Let me know what you think.
This is totally dismissive of my feelings but at the same time apologetic and careful!No longer angry selfish and arrogant!In a few more weeks he will be like himself again and i will be left to deal with the hurt of the episode.I just wish he would see what he is doing.They doo come back but if you want a loving stable relationship it is almost impossible as there is no cure.I love him and i will always be there for him in any form no matter what but please be prepared for a rollercoaster ride,especially if they are unmedicated
a further update on my situation,i told him reluctantly that i would try to get him involved with the baby and his reply was very hostile as if he had taken offense that i was so negative!I phoned him and he has clearly reached his angry depressed stage,i fought with him for half an hour!I told him it feels like i mean nothing to him and that if it was my life or the babys life in the labour room he would choose her without a thought!I also told him he was cold,distant and nasty and that he would rather comfort a stranger than support me!By the end of the conversation we finally arranged to meet this wednesday and discuss the baby…..but no more.Then something significant happened,he told me he finds it hard to show emotion to many people and most of all to me,he would find it easy to comfort a stranger but almost impossible with me because they are not a threat to him.I asked him how i was a threat and he said you can hurt me they cant.I tried to get off the phone and he said just one more thing just for the record if you and the baby were at stake i would save you every time.I cried my eyes out and told him how much that meant to me.We are now meeting wednesday and i think he is finally out of his manic phase and into the depression,he told me hes been off of cocaine for 2 weeks now and i told him how proud i am of him.Not sure if he will come back to me again but i hope so.
“Suddenly, I see all my wrongs, and I’m pentient, and unaware of how to fix it.”
Ditto. This thing…sucks.
wow…….. i don’t even know where to start. i wish i would of known all the things that i just read. i was just in a relationship for two years, and let me tell you it was a ROLLERCOASTER! i have been hit many times and kicked out of the apartment several times as well. the feelings of…she really don’t care about me, i am never good enough for her, when is the next episode gonna take place, and constant blame on me for things that were not happening. The word LOVE is an understatement for the ways i truely felt about her but it all became to much and didn’t know how to deal with it all anymore and it was ruining our relationship. The biggest factor is that she hasn’t even seen a doctor at all before knowing me or while i was with her, and the real truth is….she is bipolar. This all does make my heart hurt because of the real and true feelings that i had for her. But all of these episodes destroyed our relationship. I was always there for her no matter the situation and every time i kicked out or punched i was always there the next day right beside her. and always wonder to myself is she really this heartless to not even say sorry for the way she acted the previous day…. When the worst episodes accured she was usually had been drinking that night. And anybody out there that know’s anything about bipolar disease will tell you that alcohol is NOT a good mix. Because those nights ended in very bad ways and no matter what i ever tried to do to calm her down to JUST talk always made things worse. another time….. i was diagnosed with diabetes myself out of NO WHERE and does NOT run in my family…anyway the day i was released from the hospital i was kicked out of the house and my insulin and needles right beside me! i thought she is really just crazy as i was gathering my stuff and crying myself as i have had a lot to deal with myself as i was only out of the hospital after being diagnosed for maybe 7 or 8 hours….once again i thought to myself is she really that heartless? …… And if we would go out for a night….I would always be accused of staring at other girls or her friends which was FAR from the truth….but no matter my opinion or explaining that i am not doing that it most always lead to a very intense situation! But all in all i really did think this girl was goin’ to be my future wife and never did anything to ever hurt her in anyway and always there for her no matter what might of happened the night before. But now i am single and my heart does hurt, i just couldn’t do it anymore and NOTHING ever changed. i guess i wish i would known more info but in my opinion if you are dealing with someone who is bipolar and they have NOT been diagnosed or even willing to sit down with a counslor and just talk it is a battle that i myself could not ever win and truely help her. she is a good person when and if she will allow you too see her heart. but all that i have been through, i got to my own break point and couldn’t do it anymore. and yes i sit here and feel like shit because she really is sick and does need some major help. but the feelings of never being good enough for her and the episodes were truely tearing my own heart up and i did think she was heartless sometimes. and yes i do know she really did love me and care and knowing what i know now she just don’t know how to show her affection and true emotions. i did lose someone i loved very deeply and can only hope she will take it upon herself and get the medical help she needs. Being diabetic myself allows me understand all of this a lot better. I wish something would of been done before everything got ruined because when i decided that i couldn’t take it all anymore and my own stress levels were way too high you can only imagine the extremes she has went to, to get me back in her life…which some where not good at all and not some things you do to get back someone you love but as i just found out the disease called bipolar can do many things when not treated. i will always love her though! and she might not ever see it that way. which really does suck for both of us!
I’ve opened forums-please, feel free to take the conversations to
http://spinmeipulsate.77forum.com/bipolar-f3/
Makes answers, shoulders and help a little easier to give.
okydoky….true there is no cure, for this disease, but some of us take personal responsibility to get the help we need to become “stable” people. When I went through the depressive moments (ha…moment meant an entire year once). I did my best not to close people off. There is no way to explain how this type of depression turns the actual visible world darker and you can physically feel it pulling your face into a frown. You swing between feeling completely numb to tortured for no particular reason. We sometimes actually shut people out because we feel guilty and don’t want others to suffer with us. Yes bipolar disorder can be a selfish disease but it can be very debilitating and selfish for the person suffering as well as those surrounding. Some people will go through their mood swings and then return to the ones they have hurt. It truly depends on how we actually feel about someone in our lives. While we have a disease we also have dreams of love and forever after. If we don’t come back it’s not necessarily because we are sick but because the relationship just isn’t right. Everyone has a right to stay in or leave a relationship. I was always forward with my fiance. I let him know he had a choice. It’s not an easy disease but he stayed with me. He also realizes that he’s not perfect and hasn’t always been the most wonderfully thoughtful person. Maybe that’s why we work. We both admit having our pluses and minuses. But, as I mentioned, in my last note, I have been stable for three years now. Yes, I can overreact sometimes and may not be able to deal with stress all the time. But, it is possible to have a “normal” life if there is such a thing.
I’m sitting here about to cry after reading you post. I’m pretty sure my guy friend (almost boyfriend) is bipolar and is too scared to tell me. We haven’t talked in a few days after over a month of perfectness. I’ve known him for a year and it has crossed my mind a few times that he might be. Now.. well i think he is and i’m very sad. I want to be in an interdependant relationship with him but maybe that just isn’t going to happen. I know that he doesnt want to hurt me. But this does. :[
I was involved in a love relationship with a man, who was the most wonderful, attentive, caring human being for four months. He told me he loved me. He called me every day, two or three times a day. He called me his special girl. He gave me his gold chain at Christmas and put it on me, to keep it over my heart.
Then on New Year’s Day, over a jealousy issue on my part, because he had a drunk woman sleeping on his couch, for the night, he decided to cut me out of his life in the most horrendous way. He called the police and threatened to have me arrested if I ever returned to his home.
He had told me that he had been taking lithium for depression and had had electroconvulsive therapy, but I didn’t know it could have been bipolar disorder.
From the drastic change, from loving to just mean and hateful that he displayed and to the trauma of having the police called to keep me away, do you think it sounds like bipolar? Do you think he feels badly now? Do you think he might ever call me again? In spite of it all, I am still in love with the nice part of him, the one who was loving and kind for four months.
Please help me by replying,
Josie
I forgot to ask, do you think that any man in a normal state of mind would be capable of doing such a thing to a girl they love or even to a friend?
Do you know anyone to whom something like this has happened?
It has left me totally traumatized. I keep on having flashbacks about it and my self esteem has suffered terribly.
I had to take time off work and have been recuperating from a very depressed state. I felt as if I am not meant to be loved or respected. After all the one I loved the most treated me so cruelly and never called me again. It has been two months now and I still haven’t heard from him. I know he doesn’t have anyone else. Does it sound as if he might be going through mania or depression? If so, he still is hanging out at the same pub as he did before. If he was ill how could he still cope in that regard?
Josie
I just want to say a big thank you every body in these forums.
thank you for the people with bipolar and allowing people to see how you think, how you feel, how you realise.
thank you to the people (like me) who have/are been in a relationship and sharing your feelings.
i have been very flustered recently with everything that is happening to me and my kids, and it is great that i can finally get some real perspective on the condition (i don’t like to think of it as a disease) and what Lisa is going through at the moment.
my real regret is that i could not find this out earlier as now it is too late for me to be of any help to Lisa as it has got so bad that for my safety i can no longer be on the estate where she lives
so once again
thank you all
you are all heroes